Baby care - boring, relentless, sleep-depriving, all consuming SHITNESS

[BigGingerCat]

I've read so many threads lately, in the sleep, breastfeeding, and parenting sections of this site (am a regular poster who name changes for the controversial stuff) where people post their problems like:

My child wakes up every hour!
My child has fed fifteen times today, nipples bleeding, haven't left the sofa
Teething pain - nothing works

....and I wonder how these posters, who have it way worse than I do, are not jibbering wrecks or in prison for throwing their babies across a room.

I have a five month old (nearly). I am so tired of looking after him (but don't regret having him - can't imagine a world without him in it). But my friends and people on here seem to just happily accept the all-consuming UTTER CRAPNESS of it and I would love to know how. My DH is getting bored and sick of it too and we are snapping at each other.

I honestly can't be arsed with DS today and I'm not having my smug oh-so-caring MIL coming round to "help" and see me anything less than perfectly calm and chirpy with her precious grandson, fuck no, she'd try to wheedle her way in to co-parent even more than she already wants to!

I can't be bothered giving him any baby rice today as we've started to, as he was eating vast volumes of milk - literally I can't face doing any more than shoving a bottle in his face. He is downstairs snoozing in his cot - the more he sleeps the less chance of me shouting at him today for something, which I feel AWFUL about when I do (poss once a week) - the rest of the time I can control it, just. How do other people NOT lose their tempers with their babies when tired/bored/frustrated?

He's had yet another fucking cold and cough so have been up for hours all night listening to him but not being able to help him really. Am wondering why the hell I bother to breastfeed if all he does is get ill?

Just needed to get it all out before I explode. Am I really the only one who feels like this?

I've only just looked at this and I do sympathise. I had horrendous PND with DS and I can't relate when my friends who have recently had babies talk about how much they love it, how in love they are with their babies, how they have so much fun with them. DS is 13m and I'm only just really starting to enjoy him. I feel sad when I hear my friends talk about how they love motherhood because I really didn't until recently and I realise that I've missed out on a lot.

Anyway... I didn't read the whole way through but if you haven't already, it would definitely be worth calling your HV for a PND check. If they can't make an appointment for this week, make an appointment with your GP. No woman with PND needs to suffer as badly as I did if only they ask for help.

BGC it feels like you know me so well!! Everything you've said is spot on. I'm a bit calmer this morning (had a fairly decent night for once) which is also helping..

I like your argument that the more you have to change from BC to AD, the harder it is: so true. I guess I was just blase about how 'easy' it would be - I thought it'd be physically difficult yes (giving birth, lack of sleep, housework etc) but I massively underestimated the emotional fall-out.

DH, DD and I are off on holiday this week for a fortnight, and DH's promised not to bring any work, so I'm looking forward to being to talk - properly talk - and just to be honest. I want to enjoy this time!

Thanks again and I really hope that things start to improve for you.

xx

Hi, I have two little boys and the second is 2..I just wanted to say that I understand the feelings...it will help when they can sit up as you can sit back a bit, it must be such hard work all the carrying in combination with all that pumping...we live in a top flat and I remember needing to get out and getting cross with the carting about..(big as well the both of them..) So, also, I remember a weight lifting in a way when they started to eat stuff...especially finger food that didn't need all the fussing about..could just stick them in the high chair and they could graze.

It does get better, but I thing just coming up to 6 months is hard..with the pressure to bf to 6 months and them being hungry especially.

Piked up a book recently, and wishes had had when they were babies. It is called "How not to be a perfect mother' by Libby Purves (ah yes, that radio 4 favourite!) It is about how to get through it and help yourself to...worth a look if you get the chance..some wee things that helped me about then..

making the space where you get stuck with them cosy, eg snacks, radio, talking book cds good...ds2 a winter baby, went out to the baby showing (adult film for babies under 1) nice to not always go to a baby group, to be in the dark and just chill...

Hope all gets bit better and is good you are honest, think is worse to cover up feelings...

is sometimes the mums who present all is perfect who may have problems...

I meant 'pretend all is perfect'

I feel very much like you most days - you are not alone - it is a slog and this is my second time round and its still as slog (3 year old and 6 month old). BUT the second time round I have learnt to use time to pull myself out of wretchedness by doing some of the following - forgive me if they sound obvious but its really so hard to look after yourself when you're feeling so dismal...

1. Have hot delicious smelling bubble bath at first opportunity - either when baby sleeps or in evening when partner/relative can help.

1. Do not run around to clean when they nap. Browse the internet/ read a good book. Watch utter trash on T.V.

1. Pour yourself a glass of wine when they go down to sleep in the evening and get someone to cook you a meal/ watch something uplifting on T.V....

1. When you feel like screaming/throwing baby. put them somewhere safe (cot/playpen) close the door, go to another room or garden and shout then make yourself a cup of tea/coffee before going back into them.

1. Arrange 2 hours to yourself - get MIL to babysit whilst you shop/have a massage or just sit drinking coffee reading papers eating cake in a cafe - but away from baby.

I really really feel for you - it is without a doubt the toughest thing to do ever and PND or otherwise I've not met a mum yet who hasn't felt like you do either regularly or at some point.

Loads of love to you XXXX

well done for your honesty... I, like you can be a little too honest at times, the other day my mum rang and asked how my little boy was, I responded "annoying" because quite frankly he had been! she was like "oh no you can't say that that's mean".. it made me wonder if those sort of bad mother thoughts should be suppressed but NO!! I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that YES we love our children BUT they are bloody hard work!!

I recently saw a friend from work who's little boy is 3 months, mine is 2 now. It was nice to reminisce over the early days and offer a bit of reassurance about all the worries and hard work of having a small baby. Because of my honest approach she even said herself when theres mornings she wishes she could stay in bed and not be responsible for the care of a baby! It was nice to both admit that sometimes we all feel the same way!

xx and ps... I've realised that for me (and yes some mothers don't feel the same) I like going to work. I couldn't stay at home. It would bore me senseless. And because I work when I do have time off with my little one I appreciate it all the more x

I love you for posting this. This is exactly how I feel and I feel immeasurably better knowing I’m not the only one. I know I’ll love being a mum when my little one is older but right now it’s monotonous and for the most part joyless. My baby screamed non stop for the first 4mths of her life and after miserable exclusion diets that didn’t work I finally gave up on BF on doctors recommendation (unidentified food intolerances causing the non stop crying). She finally stopped screaming all day after 3 wks on prescription formula but fights sleep with every inch of her being and gets overtired and meltsdown so even taking her to the shops for a quick grocery run is hard. I’m basically house bound. All the mother’s in my mother’s group seem to love being a mum but I’m miserable. I’m so tired I can’t even enjoy any of the activities I used to love like reading. It’s just ground hog day. Spending 40 minutes patting and rocking and soothing a screaming baby only to get them down for a 20 minute nap to then have them wake up and have to do it all over again...