Baby care - boring, relentless, sleep-depriving, all consuming SHITNESS

[BigGingerCat]

I've read so many threads lately, in the sleep, breastfeeding, and parenting sections of this site (am a regular poster who name changes for the controversial stuff) where people post their problems like:

My child wakes up every hour!
My child has fed fifteen times today, nipples bleeding, haven't left the sofa
Teething pain - nothing works

....and I wonder how these posters, who have it way worse than I do, are not jibbering wrecks or in prison for throwing their babies across a room.

I have a five month old (nearly). I am so tired of looking after him (but don't regret having him - can't imagine a world without him in it). But my friends and people on here seem to just happily accept the all-consuming UTTER CRAPNESS of it and I would love to know how. My DH is getting bored and sick of it too and we are snapping at each other.

I honestly can't be arsed with DS today and I'm not having my smug oh-so-caring MIL coming round to "help" and see me anything less than perfectly calm and chirpy with her precious grandson, fuck no, she'd try to wheedle her way in to co-parent even more than she already wants to!

I can't be bothered giving him any baby rice today as we've started to, as he was eating vast volumes of milk - literally I can't face doing any more than shoving a bottle in his face. He is downstairs snoozing in his cot - the more he sleeps the less chance of me shouting at him today for something, which I feel AWFUL about when I do (poss once a week) - the rest of the time I can control it, just. How do other people NOT lose their tempers with their babies when tired/bored/frustrated?

He's had yet another fucking cold and cough so have been up for hours all night listening to him but not being able to help him really. Am wondering why the hell I bother to breastfeed if all he does is get ill?

Just needed to get it all out before I explode. Am I really the only one who feels like this?

Yes - Vezzie has hit the nail on head!

I never suggested that OP should be able to enjoy anything.. I merely pointed out that there are other ways of passing the day..

And I stand by my remark about small babies being portable.. I really do.

I think 5/6 months is tough. Thius time of year is tough. It's been a long winter.

You need sleep. You need a break. Get your MIL to take him and go out and do something nice with your husband.

You both have a huge mental adjustment to make, your relationship has changed. Not all of child rearing is fun. It's bloody hard work.

As others have said, acceptance is a BIG part of becoming a parent. By no.3 I had learned to live with tiredness even though no chance to catch up, I could have lain down on the pavement and gone to sleep.

What I had also learned though is there is nothing to be gained from martyring myself to motherhood. Let other people help you, it will benefit you and your child. Start going to the cinema or out for a meal or exercising or whatever. You have help on tap - ask for it and USE IT!

Also - I think that if you want to give up the old moo-cow bf thing - that is OK too. It is allowed - transfer to ff if it'll mean you can cope better.

FWIW I didn't enjoy the tiny baby phase either - but OP toddlers are Brilliant! Fascinating, funny little creatures.

Actually, I think a baby t-shirt in ages 3-6mths with "Too small to occupy myself, too big to sleep all day" written on it could be a best seller.

I volunteered to have nursery nurse students from the local college to help with my twins. That way I got a free helper 12 hours a week - it was a god send! Call your local college.

I thought bfing was easier than the alternatives - YMMV. Also the longer you delay giving food, the less fiddly messing about you have to do with it - even if you don't do proper BLW, at 6 months you can avoid a lot of the baby rice nonsense and go straight to normal cereal, bread, cream cheese, stuff like that that doesn't involve behaving like a mad scientist with a penchant for miniaturism. But yes, do what seems easiest for you. but in your place I would throw the baby rice out of the window

(unless it helps with having MIL look after your son)

God, 5 months was the pits for me too. Definitely as Vezzie says.

I remember going for a walk with my NCT best friend & discussing what the "normal" level of despair was in early parenthood. I think it's pretty high.

OP - how much is your dp doing? Although I have ebf both of mine to 6 months and then continued to bf until I wanted to stop I have night weaned both around the 7 months mark and it wasnt that difficult and does help a lot -then your dp can get up with them in the night and you'll get more sleep.

They do get happier once they are crawling and moving more as well.

I would chuck the baby rice as well - at 6 months you can go straight into easier food with no messing around.

If you've only got one you really need to be sleeping when they are as well - establish a firm lunchtime nap by whatever means - ie buggy/car/feed to sleep etc and then wheel the buggy into the house and go and lie down yourself.

And dont do any housework - your dp should be doing most of that.

Oh and ask your MIL for help - explain how you are feeling - shes not going anywhere (and who cares what she thinks really) and she can be turned into your greatest asset if she lives close enough and can take baby off your hands for a few hours - cultivate her

I think having a support network or friends/family/community around you is vital for a lot of parents as it can be isolating being a new mum. I realised how few good friends I have locally when I had DD and I am now working to right that so I can have people I can depend on etc. For me that is SO important. I can understand in the olden days why families lived close and shared upbringing up the children in a community environment.

Also, no one can tell you what motherhood is going to feel like to you - and because we are all different we will all cope with it in different ways.

Do anything you need to do in order to survive this period! Put yourself first until you are feeling better - baby will be absolutely fine with the minimum you can give for a while at least - while you get sorted.

Agree with mamsnet about babies being portable - at five months you can do what you want all day - shopping, museums, coffees, movies and take the baby with you. I think it is the toddler period, when you are stuck doing child centered activities, that is so tedious.

OP- I can so relate. I had PND with our second but not our first and struggled with the tiredness/monotony of the first few months with both of them. I had to be reminded when feeling guilty during DS2s worst sleeping moments that I had fretted DS1s first word would have 4 letters and start with f (have very shameful memories of shouting at DS2 in the middle of the night, and when I 'confessed' to friends found that am not the only one to have done this). I am not renowned for the quality of my language when waking for the 6th time at night. Looking after a baby can be hard, monotonous, brain numbing etc but try and see a positive each day - I can still remember the rather bemused expression on dh face when I announced that I had done x AND x that day. Had to explain how big a thing is was to have managed it!

I love the age from around 6 months onwards - they become so engaging and although it might sound awful I feel that the rewards for all the effort is greater. Stick with it - go to the outings/clubs etc you can drag yourself to and take lots of photos. I remember feeling that friends with older children patronised me when they said 'enjoy your baby, its for such a short time' but they were right.

Movies with a 5 mth old? Are you serious?

I think it depends on the baby tbh. Some babies are happy to sit quietly in a push chair/ sling while mum watches a film/ goes round a shop/ art gallery. Some aren't. Mine is in the latter category.

Tryingtoleave - I think being out and about all day is fine unless you are exhausted with no prospect of sleep the next night or any other. I used to want to snarl at other mums who said I 'ought to get out more' - I was too tired most of the time with young twins.

I really think that staying in and establishing some firm eating/sleeping routines will be more helpful in the long term.

Going out is only a short term 'lift' what the OP probably needs is more sleep so she can feel human again.

I think the introduction of solids helps form a routine. Breakfast then park, Lunch then nap... tea then bed etc

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time of it but also relieved to hear someone else is struggling with the mind-numbing repetitiveness and frustration. Have 4 month old baby and DH got home the other day to find I'd kicked the bathroom door off its hinges. that I'm capable of something like that - but better the door than the baby... My mantra has been "it gets easier", which is what everyone seems to say... nobody ever seems to be able to say when though, do they...

my sympathies - non mobile babies are rubbish
dd2 has turned into such a grumpy little toad since her 4 mo "birthday"
she's a crap napper, and therefore wakes up tired rather than refreshed, so is basically only in a good mood before her 9am micro-nap

I am counting the days until either:
she is crawling, or
I go back to work - whichever comes sooner.

Oh God, I know how you feel.

My DS is 4 months and is currently going through a very rough patch with his sleeping. The feeding, changing, comforting etc is relentless. I'm also exhausted and at the end of my tether today with it to be honest.

My mum visited yesterday and, as she said, nothing lasts for ever. This too shall pass bla bla bla. That's what I keep telling myself today.

I love my beautiful boy to bits but at the moment . . . Jeez . . . It is tough.

Rest assured you aren't alone.

BigGingerCat - hope you're ok. Come back and tell us how things are.

Hey there. Off to baby group now but will have proper read later and respond. Thanks tho for all the posts.

hi initially I was really surprised anyone can feel like this. My rose tinted memories are of a bliss filled first year then i remembered what it was really like. DD who is 8 it was soo dull. i remember wondering if 4pm was gin oclock. Then when she weaned i realised i could break the day up with food. breakfast, mid morn snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, tea then bath and bed. with ds - only 18 months ago i used the park to relieve the boredom. Ds was worse as well as he was a september birthday. i've resolved to only have spring babies in future as you are stuck with dark days also in autumn.

Another thing i used to do (apart from baby groups etc) was to go to the internet cafe when they were sleeping as didn't ahve net at home.

It gets better but i'm sorry you are feeling like this. x