Baby care - boring, relentless, sleep-depriving, all consuming SHITNESS

[BigGingerCat]

I've read so many threads lately, in the sleep, breastfeeding, and parenting sections of this site (am a regular poster who name changes for the controversial stuff) where people post their problems like:

My child wakes up every hour!
My child has fed fifteen times today, nipples bleeding, haven't left the sofa
Teething pain - nothing works

....and I wonder how these posters, who have it way worse than I do, are not jibbering wrecks or in prison for throwing their babies across a room.

I have a five month old (nearly). I am so tired of looking after him (but don't regret having him - can't imagine a world without him in it). But my friends and people on here seem to just happily accept the all-consuming UTTER CRAPNESS of it and I would love to know how. My DH is getting bored and sick of it too and we are snapping at each other.

I honestly can't be arsed with DS today and I'm not having my smug oh-so-caring MIL coming round to "help" and see me anything less than perfectly calm and chirpy with her precious grandson, fuck no, she'd try to wheedle her way in to co-parent even more than she already wants to!

I can't be bothered giving him any baby rice today as we've started to, as he was eating vast volumes of milk - literally I can't face doing any more than shoving a bottle in his face. He is downstairs snoozing in his cot - the more he sleeps the less chance of me shouting at him today for something, which I feel AWFUL about when I do (poss once a week) - the rest of the time I can control it, just. How do other people NOT lose their tempers with their babies when tired/bored/frustrated?

He's had yet another fucking cold and cough so have been up for hours all night listening to him but not being able to help him really. Am wondering why the hell I bother to breastfeed if all he does is get ill?

Just needed to get it all out before I explode. Am I really the only one who feels like this?

oh, if you can enjoy it try to take time out to spend with him. Go to bed together and don't try and do all the housework. It's really frustrating to try and do stuff then constantly fail. Dh used to set me a task (only one a day and it would be something like post a letter) and i would have to acheive that. I would set myself about 20 and feel a failure and get frustrated. We had our cot up on books so the baby is higher up at the head end than the feet. Helps with the cold at night. x

My DS is now 7 months and life is sooooo much easier than it was at 5 months. Weaning really brought routine to our lives, and finally I know when he is going to sleep and for how long (3 hours this afternoon, bliss!). He's also got loads better at going to sleep in the first place so there are fewer days spent trying to get him to nap/sleep. He is also now going 6 hours between BFs rather than 2-3 hours as he was right up to 5.5 months when we started solids (this did take 6 weeks or so to happen though). This gives me so much more freedom and has got rid of the claustrophobic feeling of being DS's only source of nutrition. DS can also sit up now and play with his toys much more easily - but he isn't crawling or even rolling so I can happily leave him in the living room while I make a cup of tea, for example.

What I'm trying to say is that I have found it all a lot easier over the last few weeks, and you're really not far off that stage. It honestly does get easier.

I loathed the first few months, absolutely loathed them. A single parent so no one to hand them over to at the end of the day, no outlet for me at all - I was just in thrall to this pooing, crying boy who was not a lot of fun.

I have never 'loved' babies - I mean I've never been one of those people who are all gooey over the teeny helpless ones. I am scared of their vulnerability, their helplessness, their utter reliance on somebody else for their every need. It seems such a fuck up of nature somehow.

But I absolutely adore him now. After six months it got much, much easier. He slept more, engaged more, developed a personality. And now at nearly four, he is an absolute joy.

So, no, you're not the only one but it is something that a lot of women talk about because I think a lot of other mothers are absolutely horrified.

don't talk about FFS

I totally second Swallowafly's post.

Have you got friends you could see for coffee and a chat?
When ds was a baby I didn't have anyone I could share the relentless of my day with (dh was at work) and it was very hard. It was lonely.
Things always appear to be much worse than what they are if you don't talk about them with a likeminded adult. If you don't laugh about them with another adult.

I live in a foreign country where baby grps are non-existent and my family are far away. DH at work a lot and me like a lost soul wandering the streets desperate for any kind of human contact, even if it's a push or a shove from a passerby. Now that's SAD!!
If you want to send me over your MIL I'll gladly take her .
Thought I'd give you a bit of help - I always find that knowing there's someone worse off than me a great comfort .

Offmyrocker that was me when ds was a baby (admittedly I was in the UK, but I hated baby groups).

I remember walking for miles, pushing ds in the pram (where at last he'd fall asleep) and then retreating into Waterstone's or WHS or Boots where I'd spend some very satisfying half hours

Luckily by the time dd was born I finally had made 2 good friends, with which it was possible to have a jolly good conversation.

(I was living in the Uk, but I am not from the UK, that's what I meant, I didn't know anyone with a baby when ds was born)

I'll second the last few posts! I spent those first few months hulking my bloated body around town waiting for the baby to sleep and then whenever he did: bam. Into a cafe for a read of a magazine, a cup of fancy coffee and just some time to myself. I was overseas (still am) with no friends or family around to help out so it was hard. I adored my son (still do, even more so now!) but those first few months are really really tough and nothing can quite prepare you for them.
I regularly used to go into the toilet to scream when DS was crying in his cot, after missing yet another nap. I'm pretty sure he couldn't hear me, at least I hope he couldn't, but I was desperate to let off some steam. Actually, I've just remembered something else, I ripped off my own bra once during a particularly frustrating and painful BF session . Awful. BUT, here's the good news: it gets better. SO much better. When they can move about they're happier generally and they become so much more entertaining and your days get easier.

Basically, I agree with the 50 year old who said it's okay to let them cry now and agian. It is. Not as a policy (I don't go in for controlled crying or routines personally), but now and again when you can't listen to it for another minute and they can't be comforted, it's better to walk away until you calm down. It won't hurt your baby and it will ensure you don't feel like harming them either. Also, stop trying to be a perfect mum. Give yourself a break and if you can find someone to give you some time to yourself, take it.

Hope you feel better soon OP and for what it's worth, in my experience things got way easier around the 5/6 month mark. I hope that's the same for you. Chin up.

I enjoyed the baby stage but i've recently posted about how i'm not enjoying the toodler years, my dd's are 3 & 2. I guess what i've learn't from the replies to my post and yours, is that we all handle different ages in different ways. I can't wait for mine to go to school.

Hi, I'm back, after a cup of tea in the bath! Thanks swallowedAfly, I was already on it. Will just write this then am going to bed.

I think part of the problem is that for various reasons I've been expressing as many of his feeds as I have in me to give, so am chained to the sodding pump six times a day. Feel wretched because I can't keep up with his insatiable demands for milk. Saw doctor today about something else and she commented on his size (19lb, off the chart for length) and reassured me when I gave her the facts about his appetite that NO ONE would manage EBF'ing a baby like that. So I think I will do what some have suggested above and knock it on the head at six months (the BF, not the baby! Making this decision and being at peace with it already feels like I've taken a weight off myself. It has been very time consuming, and I must be stupid or something to have a baby who (used to) sleep 7pm-7am and still to be pumping two or three times within that window so not getting an uninterrupted night's sleep. When that changes in 5.5 weeks - I have made it this far and am determined to get to six months now I think it will make a massive difference to my state of mind.

I find it difficult to sleep when he sleeps as his naps are of unreliable length and success so I would spend the time too anxious to drop off. Even now in the middle of the night I wake up with a start thinking "oh my god the baby, I must be feeding him" even when he's fast asleep and has not even cried. Sometimes I've even woken up with my arms cradling nothing, so clearly I am not sleeping deeply or in a relaxed way even when I do drift off .

Can't wait for him to sit up. He is massive, and I have knackered my back lugging him about or holding him in a position that enables him to ignore play with toys.

I am so sympathetic to all of you who have been going through the same sort of feelings/issues and am so grateful for the candidness of everyone who has posted in reply to me. I do have some nice mum friends from the baby groups but none seem to have my blistering honesty (a character weakness of mine I think) and other good girl friends all seem to really love the baby stage.

For about five minutes yes, he will lay on his tummy, then he tries to eat the playmat, and cries when he realises he can't. God love him, he is a little idiot

He is too chunky in the thigh department to sit in the bumbo we have! Do they come in different sizes?

I am hoping that I feel brighter as we move into Spring and like others above say, there is more to do. But it is also possible that I might go back to work early part time while DH quits to be a SAHD (makes financial sense for us).

Right, am really off to bed now, may have another crappy night in store as I've just heard DS coughing.....

I feel your pain. I'm stopping at one dc because I can't go through the small baby stage again. Ds is one this month and I have been wishing this year away. I think what you are feeling is normal.

Also, I tended to feel worse in the winter months, really irritable and short tempered.

OP, I think you will be happier back at work, some people are just not saints cut out to be SAHMs. Doesn't make them bad parents, just different. .

The young baby stage is really tough - no-one tells you about the boredom and yet it is very real, and then you feel guilty for not being fascinated 24/7 with your precious little bundle.

I found mine much more fun once they started sitting up, crawling, walking etc. Talking is better still. In fact, IMO each stage is better than the last and they are now 8 and 10.

And if BF is driving you nuts, you are a bloody hero for expressing all this time. I had two averages babies and more milk than a Friesian cow so found it easy, but so many of my friends have struggled - honestly, you have done so much for your DS and now it's time to think of yourself. And of course you can always mix feed - formula during the day when you are back at work and at night if needed, cuddly morning and evening feeds when you are together. Your supply will adjust to this after so long, no problem.

You are so not alone.

Sheesh - the op asked how other people survived and some of us have replied by doing nice things. It's not about being supermum, you just don't have to see your life in terms of getting baby to nap and shoveling baby rice into them. We have mums and bubs movie sessions here - maybe they aren't widespread.

The expressing sounds hideous, btw -I would give that up asap.

Glad u r sounding much better....sounds like sleep deprevation to me. (it´s not always PND......sleep deprevation is AWFUL!!!!Form of torture and all that!!)
I personally found pumping cause for depression:-(((( Hated it! Absolutely hated it from word go....and my GP told me to not bother and I gave it up. DS was EBF for 6 mths and weaned at 16:-)) I´m not from the, how was it ¨bf pose¨? but I thought it might help you to know that once I took that pressure off myself I went on to enjoy feeding till the end....the problem was pumping not bf. (by the by, why are people so offensive on this place....what was with the moo cow bf comment??!!! if you are happy with your choices you shouldn´t really feel the need to insult anyone elses surely? Anyway.....)
I personally loved small baby stage....I guess coz I´m really selfish!! I LOVE going for really long walks and when they´re tiny you can have them in their prams/sling/both for hours and they´re fine.....tell a toddler they´re going in the buggy for hours..HA!! Also I use to use DSs naps to catch up on my own sleep or read a magazine/book, have a cup of tea in peace or whatever small pleasure I could come up with!!! It didn´t take much, usually coz I was knackered from having fed 5 times during the night!!! And no I wasn´t drooling over my baby, that´s why I´m selfish....it was like I was constantly thinking about me, well alright and him sometimes. But now I do feel like I sometimes don´t really exist.....I find that harder. My day revolves around him.....his activities, the park, his meals, playing etc etc.....a small baby really does fit around you coz that´s all it can do:-)))) And I surely went out to loads of places and I totally agree that small babies are portable! Whether you want to port them around is your call!! And believe me when I tell you I was sleep deprived! Oh god was I!!!In 8 months I didn´t sleep longer than a 2 hour stretch....BUT fresh air, long walks, and all of the above helped LOADS!! It made it feel it was about me!!
One last thing and I´m off coz I have really gone on haven´t I?!! I think if you are bored that´s totally valid.....not doing something about it is not!

OP I feel your pain - the early baby stage is so boring, I hated it. All I can do is add that it really does get better as they get older so hang on in there - my DD is 3 now and makes me giggle all the time, she is so funny and bright, I really enjoy it now (apart from the potty training but that is another thread...!)

Grit your teeth and get through it and things improve, sleep deprivation gets better and going back to work helped me a lot. Some people love the early baby bits - others such as myself don't! Try not to beat yourself up too much for finding a boring, lonely. repetitive task ... er.... boring,lonely and repetitive!

although as miram has said small baby stage great as could go for lunch and small bab would sleep cos of all the white noise, That's why I liked it then. I ebf no 1 for a month and went completley mental. It's awful. If you aren't feeding you are expressing. remember dd sitting in baby chair and me with rubber gloves crying round the house. Only time she stopped was to look at madness in wonder! she was allergic to dairy but still put her on the nutramigen tben I felt better.