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Parenting

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Original poster

I chose to have my children because....

73 replies

Miaou · 11/10/2005 11:09

I'm sure this isn't the worst reason in the world but I was quite shocked by this! Years ago I had a boss who told me she only had kids because she was bored of working and her husband wouldn't let her work part time. At the time I knew her her children were 7 and 5 and she readily admitted that she wished she had never had them as they cramped her style! She wasn't a bad mum, I don't think, just a reluctant one.

Dh and I (in common with many people I guess) spent two years deciding whether or not we were ready to start a family - it's such a big decision!

OP posts:

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eefs · 11/10/2005 11:22

I didn't choose to have children, they decided to have me. best thing that ever happened to me though and I like to think I have embraced it well.

Those "you should never have had children if you don't have the lifestyle/have to work full time/are in an unsteady relationship/etc etc" judgemental threads annoy me though. There is never a right time if you start thinking like that.

Mytwopenceworth · 11/10/2005 11:25

I just needed one! I counted babies everywhere - cried when I saw them, was jealous of other peoples bumps, dreamed that I was pregnant, used to take my friends baby for walks and fantasise that he was mine etc etc

It was a pure biologically driven urge for me and totally overwhelming!

colditz · 11/10/2005 11:26

It just happened. I'm gladf it did

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overdraft · 11/10/2005 11:29

i just really wanted to be a mother since i can remember.
Have heard of people who have children so they have people around them in their old age.To look after them

lunarx · 11/10/2005 11:36

my pregnancy was very unplanned!!!
i didnt find out i was pregnant until i had moved back to america (from england).
but it was the best thing that happened to me.

kama · 11/10/2005 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

highlander · 11/10/2005 11:47

my pregnancy was unplanned. I seriously considered a termination - never wanted kids. DH persuaded me otherwise. I knew it would be grim but I was still horrified by how miserable and exhausting the first year has been. I very much resent that it's been me that's given up everything for DS to fuel DH's desire for kids. His promise of equal help etc has just not happened. I love DS and take parenting very, very seriously but I definitely preferred my childless life.

A reluctant parent - that's me.

highlander · 11/10/2005 11:49

I've stopped contradcting people who say, 'isn't having kids the best thing that's ever happened to you?' The look of horror on their faces was embarrassing DH too much

Caligula · 11/10/2005 11:51

Because I didn't want to not have children.

majorstress · 11/10/2005 11:52

I thought it would be more fun. It isn't. I thought I would turn into a better person. I didn't.

majorstress · 11/10/2005 11:53

highlander, you are right, there is really nowhere you can admit that it's not great for the mother. They don't want to hear the truth.

mandrake · 11/10/2005 12:01

because I like children, most of the time

because I didn't want to just end up obsessed with my career (which is very common in my field).

however would happily choose to hand them back between the ages of 2 and 4. I could happily live without toddlers, definitely.

Wordsmith · 11/10/2005 12:02

I wasn't sure if I wanted kids until I actually had them. And then it took a while to get used to it. I love my kids to bits and they are the best thing that ever happened to me but I can honestly day I can imagine how you feel Highlander and Majorstress. Admitting you don't want kids in today's society somehow labels you a freak. When I was ambivalent about kids, before having them, almost all of our friends with kids kept saying "Oh you'll change your minds" etc etc. But the only thing that keeps me sane is that I work part time and have a DH working from home and taking an almost equal part in childcare. To be stuck at home without these outlets would do my head in. Our best friends are a childless couple in their 40s - they love kids, have loads of nieces and nephews, are my kids' godparents, and just don't want any of their own. DH and I find them a refreshing balance and probably better aunty/uncle/godparents for not having their own!

crunchie · 11/10/2005 12:03

I dunno, just assumed I would have kids

Never questioned it at all.

MassacreOHara · 11/10/2005 12:06

I chose to have my children because...

... I wanted to frequently be critised for my lifestyle choice.

... Have my designer clothes lifestyle disapeear into dirty nappies and snot on my shoulder.

... didn't fancy an abortion.

OrribleOliveoil · 11/10/2005 12:06

I was desperate to have no money and free time, and to turn into a moaning old hag at mealtimes.

Fangache · 11/10/2005 12:06

DH and I decided to start trying 7mths after we met. I had ALWAYS wanted children and couldn't believe it when DH said he wanted to try that soon. 2 mths later I was pg with ds. I was SO happy!

I wanted to get married before having another and so 6wks after our wedding I was pg with dd (total shock!!!).

And I am by no means finished trying!

lalaa · 11/10/2005 12:07

ambivalent is a great word - I felt like that about having kids; the thing that tipped the balance was that I couldn't imagine not having one when I was older. I also hated the first year or so and was very resentful of how my life changed. Now dd is nearly 3, she is much more fun and is beginning to feel a real part of the family rather than a little person we have to live our lives around.

Gobbledispook · 11/10/2005 12:07

Mandrake - glad to hear that. Mine are 2.11, 4.6 and 13 months and they are driving me up the wall!

doormat · 11/10/2005 12:07

My dd1 wasnt planned at all, I fell pg at 16 and thought well better make the most of it. Motherhood changed my life for the better.
I loved having all my children, even the teething, tantrums and hard times, I look back now and wish I could do it all again.
They just grow up too quick

bamboo · 11/10/2005 12:09

I don't think it would have bothered me if I'd found out I couldn't have children, but I didn't want to look back in 20 years time and wish I'd tried. I love being a mum but can certainly imagine a parallel universe where we didn't have children but had much better holidays, car, house etc

Enid · 11/10/2005 12:09

Because I met dh and fell in love with him and we were both bored of going to parties in London and staying up all night

Lmccrean · 11/10/2005 12:11

cause I knew I would be a great mummy (though dd wasnt planned - and I am pretty good, most of the time)

sweetheart · 11/10/2005 12:19

.....I couldn't face having an abortion!

Greatest choice I've ever made, though I won't pretend I've always felt that way. The first 3 months were hell!

Rhubarb · 11/10/2005 12:21

I thought how great it would be to have little people doing all the work for you! Dd can now fetch all the beers from the fridge, sweep the floor, do the washing, go to the shop, etc. She can't cook just yet, but I'm teaching her!

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