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Parenting

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Original poster

I chose to have my children because....

73 replies

Miaou · 11/10/2005 11:09

I'm sure this isn't the worst reason in the world but I was quite shocked by this! Years ago I had a boss who told me she only had kids because she was bored of working and her husband wouldn't let her work part time. At the time I knew her her children were 7 and 5 and she readily admitted that she wished she had never had them as they cramped her style! She wasn't a bad mum, I don't think, just a reluctant one.

Dh and I (in common with many people I guess) spent two years deciding whether or not we were ready to start a family - it's such a big decision!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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mandrake · 11/10/2005 12:27

Gobbledispook - my 5 and 4 year olds are utter bliss in comparison to a couple of years ago. still very sweet, but with a fraction of the strops .

currenlty I can't bear the thought of my sweet 18 month old progressing into toddlerdom though.

staceym11 · 11/10/2005 12:42

..........i couldnt bear to have an abortion. daddy stuck by us (even tho we'd only been together about 2 days when i concieved) and now we'r planning to have another one as we love dd so much and our family is just perfect!!

motherinferior · 11/10/2005 12:47

I think there's a tremendous pressure on us to have children and prove we are 'proper' women not left on the shelf embittered spinsters. Which was part of the reason I got careless enough to concieve DD1. I chose to have DD2 because I did in fact find that DD1 was absolutely lovely.

But I do hark back to my pre-child life too. And I would never say that everyone should have children.

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dillydally · 11/10/2005 12:50

I didnt actively choose to have a child, it happened (my fault, i should have known better) and I kept her - no real decision because I have always known that i couldnt cope with abortion (a personal view).
I always thought I would never have children and was told I would most likely have fertility problems - hah!
i love her to pieces now but it is hard work (especially on your own) and I am racked with guilt over the fact she has no siblings,and she deserves them.

Donbean · 11/10/2005 12:55

i chose to have my child because i just HAD to.
I couldnt imagine the first 5 years of my 30's without a child of our own.
We were ready and excited and we made our every plan around conception, pregnancy, birth then him, my little fella.

are you all gonna upchuck now???

dillydally · 11/10/2005 12:56

Possible donbean, but that has more to do with drinking flavoured vodka last night than your lovely cutie post

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 11/10/2005 12:57

I had an abortion at 18 and my ex-dp basically FORCED me to. Basically said there was no way we were going to have a baby so young.

Needless to say we split up a year after the abortion and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I then met DH, he knew how much kids meant to me, and we started trying almost straight away. I fell pg 6 weeks before we got married.

Jess was only 6 months old when i fell with this baby and it was all planned. I wanted a small age gap, but was also increasing broody over being pg again.

Now at 38+4 weeks, with a 14.5 motnh old in tow, im wondering exactly WHY i wanted to put myself through all this!

handlemecarefully · 11/10/2005 12:57

Because I thought: it would give me more of a purpose in life (i was disillusioned with my career too), and because I didn't want to regret not having any.

I had no strong desire to have children

So in short I was motivated by all the wrong reasons.

However, I love my children and it has turned out to be the best thing I ever did.

Donbean · 11/10/2005 12:58

OOOH Falvoured vdka that sounds yum.....Can you get chocolate falvour???

Donbean · 11/10/2005 13:00

Some one posted the other day that having a child is like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz stepping out of the black and white into the lovely colour.
Bless.

handlemecarefully · 11/10/2005 13:01

Not saying it's a bed of roses though!

staceym11 · 11/10/2005 13:08

jessicaandbumpsmummy, i can understand how you felt, i had an abortion at 14 as i was raped but still felt i had made a huge mistake and regretted it for a long time, then when i fell with dd at 17 and it was a hard decision to make, everyone told me to have an abortion but i was pig headed and stuck to my guns this time and kept my baby, it was the best decision of my life and i love her to peices. now nobody can say i should have got rid of her as they all love her too!!!

Mum2girls · 11/10/2005 13:09

Beacause I want someone to wipe the dribble, change my catheter and lift me on and of the bog when I'm older.

Mum2girls · 11/10/2005 13:09

off not of

triceratops · 11/10/2005 13:10

dh and I wanted to be a mummy and daddy. I won't say that I enjoy every minute but I would do it again in a second.

PeachyClairPumpkinPie · 11/10/2005 13:11

Biology, absolutely. I hit 25 and started craving kids. I was in a long term relationship and we decided to try as soon as we married, but I panicked at that and did a bunk a few months before the huge wedding.... met my DH at the same time and was PG deliberately within 3 months! Not sure what the moral of story is really, excpt that I knew he was the right one to start a family with and the ex wasn't (though he was a nice chap and all).

Shame it wasn't the other way round tho: ex was rich, dh is destined to be poor forever (but wouldnt change anything apart from that)

weesaidie · 11/10/2005 13:23

It was an accident for me but have always wanted to be a mummy. It is tiring but I love it, would have another if I wasn't single!

Original poster

Miaou · 11/10/2005 13:35

What a lot of interesting answers. I truly take my hat off to those of you who are honest enough to admit that you did it for the "wrong" reasons.

It's made me rethink my attitudes towards being a parent. I can honestly say that it is the best thing I have ever done, the only thing I have been any good at (so far - you can throw that comment back in my face when I have got nightmare teenagers) - but perhaps my experience is less common than I thought? Maybe I should be a little more sensitive to other parents - it never occurred to me that people actually didn't enjoy it that much .

OP posts:

Passionflower · 11/10/2005 14:00

I actually never thought I'd have kids, was going to be career orientated spinster with cats!

Am now SAH with three gorgeous girls, what happened was I met DH and nothing in the world was as important as having his babies. DD1 born on our 1st wedding anniversary.

Bugsy2 · 11/10/2005 14:16

choose to have mine because I wanted to be a family with children. Had always been on the cards, had been married for a few years, seemed like logical next step.
There was definitely a "tick tock" element to it as was late 20's and also a bit of social pressure as all my peers were doing the same.
Hopeless reasons really - but can't imagine my life without them now.

butterflymum · 11/10/2005 14:50

...erm, hubby couldn't have them so it was down to me!

bobbybob · 11/10/2005 15:09

I just got this overwhelming urge. I love ds to bits (and even like him too) but that urge is not there any more and so we are sticking at one unless either of us gets the urge again.

twirlaround · 11/10/2005 15:13

It was more that I chose to have sex

JuliaAndJohn · 11/10/2005 15:39

Mine are 3.3, 2.2 and 12 weeks. The first two are driving me mad and I find this stage really hard. ds3 is a fab baby - as were all my sons. The real problem for me is that after each child a large chunk of my brain appears to have gone walkies. I am a total liability and a dizzy fast-approaching-40-something (ok, 36) with three kids of three and under. I USED to have a brilliant mind. Where has it gone? I pine for it. Sorry...... what was the question??????

JuliaAndJohn · 11/10/2005 15:44

...oh yes. Because I had this all-consuming, overwhelming NEED to produce babies. I HAD NO IDEA THAT THAY WERE IN PART-EX FOR A BRAIN, though. (Which page of the conception and pregnancy books is that on?)

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