I gave a stranger a mouthful today because I get sick of the 'smart' comments people make when you're stuggling with toddlers

[StephanieBeachbum]

Two toddlers, both screaming, two trikes, which they were both refusing to ride so I was having to drag them backwards while holding on to the smaller of my DCs, and my dog that kept disappearing as I tried to get her on the lead so we could get back to the car.

Woman passes me, walking her dog. "Oh it gets worse once they're teenagers," she says, grinning. And I just lost it. I barked "I do NOT need to hear this right now". "I wasn't trying to be unkind" she said, and walked off.

WHY do people feel the need to say stuff like this? Very occasionally, it's a bit amusing. But I was clearly struggling to keep it (and everyone else) together. If people feel the need to say something, why can't they just ask if you need a hand? I do it if I see someone having a hard time - what's wrong with people?

I'm not proud of myself for giving some poor stranger a mouthful. I know she probably meant well. But the smug comments just make me so exasperated.

Please remind me when my kids are older to never ever EVER say stupid stuff to a stressed mother when I see her trying to deal with shrieking toddlers and a million other things at once.

red please. Large!

I've never been told to back off when I've offered a hand (usually in the supermarket) to a stressed looking mum. I'm not silly enough to ask to hold the baby, nor would I want or expect anyone to hold my kids. Just something like 'can I get stuff on your list while you see to your baby?' rather than 'oh it's going to get so much worse, you wait!'.

But maybe it's me. I'll keep it zipped next time, I shouldn't have been rude.

It is worse when they're older. A 12 year old committed suicide in my city this week. Over Christmas I read posts on here from a woman whose 13 year old had done a bunk. Really the toddler years however frantic are the easy bit.

God yes it is, NL! but nobody wants to hear that!

oh I completely understand how that comment came across as a) mocking b) as a 'DOOM-DOOM-DOOM' warning about how nasty children are c) as an indication to the kids that their mother will hate them and shout at them for years d) a fucking annoying mean-nothing cliche that when heard for the 100th time simultanously drops your heart to the floor, and your fingers reaching for the utterers throat.

All you did was tell her how pissed off you were feeling and how slightly off kilter her remarks were given your obvious (to anyone) frustration.

I bet even more annoyingly she went away thinking you were 'just overtired' and needed sleepy bye-byes

The toddler years are the easy bit?

I hardly dare tell you...

Heroine, yes yes yes to wanting to reach for the utterers throat! That's the other thing. You hear this stuff almost daily. It's just. not. funny.

All stages of child-rearing are, um, challenging. My sister has teenagers. I see what she puts up with. But that doesn't mean dealing with toddlers is 'easier' or that it gets 'harder' or that you're stuffed from the moment you have them as it's all downhill from there. It's just different. Surely?

I don't think she even 'meant' it really...it's one of those awkward things, she caught your eye, intended to say something to show she wasn't judging, and said something slightly clumsy/irrelevant...

I doubt she was actually trying to make a point that your future will be a bag o' shite :)

Stephanie i think you are over thinking this , she was just empathising from one mum to another , you were abrupt tbh

Two words: Husky reins

Stephanie - I'm not even going to begin with why I think teenagers are much harder before you have had at least 2 glasses of red wine - I'm not that daft!

I agree that at times there are clearly things you can do to help (like in the supermarket), I just don't see what she could have done to help you this morning without risking the wrath of someone telling her to mind her own business. I mean if she'd said to toddlers to ride their trikes nicely for Mummy half the posters on MN would have a coronary! Likewise offering to hold the baby while you sorted the toddlers out... so I think she did the only nice thing she could have and empathised with you.

Stop thinking about it, come and chat on other threads and start on the wine

1 teenager is harder work than screaming newborn twins and running off in different directions toddler twins from my experience.

I think she was trying to be supportive, but i also know when your are having a tough time, sometimes you just don't want to speak!

The toddler years go really quite quickly compared the worry you have with teenagers. I find it harder coping now.

Wine is the medicine you need :)

People only say it is they have been there, done it and got the Tshirt! They know what it is like and she was sympathising! I can see that you were stressed, but actually when they are teenagers you may well look back and think wasn't life easier!

People are always telling me it doesn't get any easier. FFS why do they think that will help?

Sorry you had a hard time. But if you're gonna 'brave' taking two toddlers out plus trikes plus a dog, then what do you expect!

I don't expect she took it badly, she had the satisfaction of knowing that you will realise in 13 or so years time that she was just stating a fact!

She was trying to be nice, yabu!

YANBU.

If she really wanted to be helpful she could have offered to help you with the dog at least.

Smug cowbag. where is the woman to woman empathy?

But she is right, though.
They do get worse when they are teenagers.
The toddler years are the easy bit [sigh]

YANBU

We get comments from people when I am trying to deal with a difficult 'toddler moment'. It drives me mad too. It is really not useful at the moment when you are struggling. You have my sympathy! They never offer any practical help, do they!

And if she'd offered to help, with either one of the kids or the trike, or the dog, just imagine the mouthful she'd have got "who do these people think they are, thinking I can't cope, my children my rules, superior,smug, sanctimonious old cow thinking she can do better than me".

Hope it hasn't put her off being nice to people with children.

The woman had her own dog so helping might have been difficult and more trouble than it was worth.
I think that when OP is lying in bed at 2am waiting for her 17yr to get in from a party when getting a lift from a newly qualified driver she will look fondly back at the days when she had to manage 2 toddlers, a dog and a trike!

being right doesnt make a comment supportive, her comment wasnt supportive and i do hope those posters who say she probably wont comment in future are right. Offering to help is lovely, a comment about having been there or how her kids were the same is lovely. it only gets worse/wow you have your hands full etc are not supportive comments.