Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

I gave a stranger a mouthful today because I get sick of the 'smart' comments people make when you're stuggling with toddlers

114 replies

StephanieBeachbum · 21/01/2011 18:15

Two toddlers, both screaming, two trikes, which they were both refusing to ride so I was having to drag them backwards while holding on to the smaller of my DCs, and my dog that kept disappearing as I tried to get her on the lead so we could get back to the car.

Woman passes me, walking her dog. "Oh it gets worse once they're teenagers," she says, grinning. And I just lost it. I barked "I do NOT need to hear this right now". "I wasn't trying to be unkind" she said, and walked off.

WHY do people feel the need to say stuff like this? Very occasionally, it's a bit amusing. But I was clearly struggling to keep it (and everyone else) together. If people feel the need to say something, why can't they just ask if you need a hand? I do it if I see someone having a hard time - what's wrong with people?

I'm not proud of myself for giving some poor stranger a mouthful. I know she probably meant well. But the smug comments just make me so exasperated.

Please remind me when my kids are older to never ever EVER say stupid stuff to a stressed mother when I see her trying to deal with shrieking toddlers and a million other things at once.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 21/01/2011 18:17

I think she was trying to be nice. A bit ham fisted maybe but I don't read it as smug at all.

Sorry you had a bad day.

GypsyMoth · 21/01/2011 18:18

she wasn't being smug....she was being truthful!!

and why oh why did you go out with dog/2 toddler/2 trike combination?? asking for trouble

BlooKangaWonders · 21/01/2011 18:18

But she wasnt being smug - just trying to sympathise surely?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Flisspaps · 21/01/2011 18:19

I'd probably be more cross if someone asked if I needed a hand!

Hope that the evening is easier for you. Wine?

bibbitybobbityhat · 21/01/2011 18:19

I reckon you could have handled it better .

onepieceoflollipop · 21/01/2011 18:20

I don't think she was being smart or smug fwiw.

Realistically one toddler and one trike is enough for one adult, let alone two plus a dog. I think you were over-ambitious but you know that now. :)

Hope you get to relax this evening.

skydance · 21/01/2011 18:20

She wasn't being smug, she was trying to offer some sympathy and make you feel less embarrassed by letting you know she'd been there herself.

But good on you, how dare she try to make you feel better about having a bad day

onepieceoflollipop · 21/01/2011 18:21

I almost lost it with one toddler plus trike once (in my defence I was pg).

Do not underestimate the stress and frustration of taking toddlers out for a treat with trikes/bikes!

northernlurker · 21/01/2011 18:21

Oh come on she was trying to help you by sharing fellow feeling as a mother. Nothing smug at all.

How exactly could she have helped you - if she'd touched one of the children they would have screamed more and you would I assume have belted her one? If she grabbed the dog - how does she know it wouldn't have bitten her?

I think you need to practice some deep breathing - and leave the dog at home a bit.

activate · 21/01/2011 18:22

you had a bad day

and you took it out on a perfectly nice stranger - how sad!

hope you're regretting it and if you ever see her again you apologise

MoonUnitAlpha · 21/01/2011 18:23

She was being sympathetic! Just a comment to make you feel less bad about struggling.

NorbertDentressangle · 21/01/2011 18:24

I agree with the posters that said she was trying to be nice in a "I know what its like and have every sympathy" kind of way.

I thought you were going to say that she came out with one of those " back in my day children would never have been allowed to behave like that" type comments.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

ginhag · 21/01/2011 18:24

She was trying to make you feel better/less embarrassed at that horrible ' oh gawd we are making a scene in the street and PEOPLE ARE JUDGING' type feeling that happens when your kids are kicking off. I personally prefer that to those who stare and look disapproving!

She probably won't bother next time....

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 21/01/2011 18:25

I'm sorry you were struggling this morning - sometimes you just need a spare octopus.

However, I wont apologise for it being the kind of thing I would say. I have never had anyone bark at me because of it, it usually makes them smile

The thing is, other than possibly holding the dog/putting the lead on it or whatever, what could a passerby really do. I can imagine the outrage if she'd offered to hold the baby! (If not by you, by a lot of women).

and frankly, I don't do 'the toddlers were refusing to ride their trikes' you are the adult, tell them to get on with it, don't attempt to drag them both, while carrying a baby and letting the dog run off of the lead. Make your own life easier by not pandering to them :)

wukter · 21/01/2011 18:26

You are over reacting. But you were stressed out.

Original poster

StephanieBeachbum · 21/01/2011 18:27

Yes, wine tonight once DCs bathed and in bed. Cannot wait.

I should have been nice. I know that. But in that split second, I could not possibly see how (a) it could possibly be worse when they are teenagers or (b) why it was a remotely amusing thing to say.

dog, 2 toddler, 2 trike combination is a necessary way of getting them all out of the house and moving in the same direction. Usually it's not too bad. But maybe I am just insane for trying. Clearly, that woman thinks I am a nutter

OP posts:

BendyBob · 21/01/2011 18:27

I think you had a massive sense of humour failure. She was empathising with you!

I do know how it feels though..just wait until..oh no, better not!

onepieceoflollipop · 21/01/2011 18:28

Stephanie I shall pour you a glass while you are doing bathtime. red or white? (dh is bathing my two, I am having a rest cooking dinner)

ThatVikRinA22 · 21/01/2011 18:29

thats the kind of thing i would say to someone in a well meaning yes ive been there too sort of way.

i think you were rude.

nameymacnamechanger · 21/01/2011 18:29

Sounds like more of an "I've been there" than being 'smart' to me. Poor woman will probably never look a struggling mum in the eye again!

I can offer sympathies with kid on bike + daft dog who doesn't want to go home situation though - I stupidly do this myself and I only have one child to try my best to control.

bumblingbovine · 21/01/2011 18:30

She was trying to encourage you to see the humour in the situation which is no bad thing. I have to agree that two toddlers with trikes and a dog are way too many things for one adult to deal with unless they are all having a very good day.

Sorry you had a bad day.

BendyBob · 21/01/2011 18:30

I do know how this feels. I have felt totally murderous at the nicest and most kindly meant comments. It's really hard some days..wine is prescribed.

kerala · 21/01/2011 18:31

Poor lady sounds like she was trying to commiserate and got her head bitten off. Doesnt sound like your finest hour.

HoodedCrow · 21/01/2011 18:32

There is a very funny Victoria Wood sketch about going out with small children and ends with ehr deciding her parents had the right idea because "Until i was 6 i stood at the gate with a bonnet on"

HecateQueenOfWitches · 21/01/2011 18:33

I don't think "It gets worse once they're teenagers" is sympathetic or supportive.

Supportive is a smile and a comment about the here and now. - "Mine are/were just the same" for example, or a sympathetic smile, or that eye contact that you know is saying "I know. Me too." Not saying that - basically - you don't know how easy it is or should be with little ones, it's much harder when they're older (unspoken "so if you can't cope now...")

Flip

1 2 3 4 5