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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you ever lose your patience with your toddler

57 replies

billiejo · 05/10/2005 20:09

Hiya,
I'm feeling like a bad mum and just need to offload really. my ds is 21mnths and whilst on hand he is TOTALLY adorable and sweet natured and funny....boy oh boy is he strong willed and downright bloody whingey. He's extremely impatient, when he wants something he wants it yesterday or there's a huge meltdown, he's also a really fussy eater which means that i spend a lot of time and energy making lovely meals which then get spat out or completely ignored. some days i can cope ok with him and others i just lose it and shout at him, like today, he was in a very clingy mood which he tends to be quite often meaning if i'm not sat with him and dare to stand up and go into the kitchen he has a major crying fit holding on to my trousers as i stumble towards the kitchen. the thing was , i was heading for the kitchen to make his supper because he'd point blank refused lunch and was now getting angsty because he was hungry. i lost it and shouted at him to "just shut up" ....he's a sensitive little soul and his little bottom lip came out and he started sobbing and cuddling me.....god i felt awful and the worst thing is it's the second time i've shouted this week, why can't i have more patience, i look at other mums and when their kids are doing similar they jut shrug and say things like " ooh they're a bit whingey today" and laugh it off. I feel absolutely crap.

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stitch · 05/10/2005 20:10

yes, i lose patience all the time. am a terrifically bad mummy actually

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 05/10/2005 20:11

second time this WEEK???? You're doing well!!!

I seem to be yelling at jess twice a day!!!

stitch · 05/10/2005 20:12

shruging it off is a self preservation thing. as a mom you cant afford to feel guilty all the time. and when i get really stressed at the kids, instead of giving them time out, i give myself time out, and lock myself either in the bathroom, or the study. which i s why i spend so much time on mn

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Lonelywitch · 05/10/2005 20:13

Boy yes! Ds3 chucked duplo everywhere this evening and then wouldn't help me tidy it up come bed time. I shouted at him and he pulled his party trick of the moment: he wet himself (into his new on tonight pyjama bottoms). I knew he would do that and still lost my temper with him.

Mum2girls · 05/10/2005 20:13

Of course we're all (well nearly all) so patient in public but I for one have certainly shouted on numerous occasions. Have no solutions, I just try not to do it.

tribpot · 05/10/2005 20:13

billiejo, I'm not a mum of a toddler, but my sisters-in-law are, and either we are just an evil family or your reaction sounds perfectly normal to me. Anyone who can have 24*7 patience with a toddler is either a saint or on drugs. If you are neither, you are doing a fine job and shouldn't beat yourself up.

Pinotmum · 05/10/2005 20:15

Billiejo, sounds like a normal type of week with a toddler. To get away from mine I go to work at a Pre-school and have 30 of them but you know when they are someone elses they don't stress you

nannyjo · 05/10/2005 20:15

it takes the patienc of a saint ot deal with kids at this age/stage. Please don't feel bad it happens to us all.

Try to relax more about feeding and remember that at the end of the day they will eat if they are hugry.

With the clingyness try to ease him out of the habit by interesting him in toys ad leaving him on his own when he's at that stage a bit longer each time. When he cries don't rush straight to him (hard i know) and gradually leave it a bit longer each time before you do go to him.

IIt takes time though. I think if you are feeling bad then it shows you do care and are not a bad mummy. No-one is perfect at all.

Good luck, hope this helps and isnt too opinionated for you

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:18

Today, we cut the grass.
Ds was whinging because he wanted water in a bucket....i put water in the bucket.....he poured water all down the front of himself....whinging because he was wet.....whinging because he wanted more water...whinging beacause he was wet and wanted more water....whinging, whinging whinging.
Friend pulls up in her car outside house..."hi, are you ok?" she casually asks me.....ds still whinging following me around wet and whinging so to her i said "no, not really", to him i shout..."shut up whining, just shut up!"
Friend lifts up carrier bag and says "got chocolate...think you need it"
Me, i feel like a complete and utter cow of fishwife proportions.
All he wanted was a cuddle and to be changed into dry clothes.
Am a cow beyond compare.

frannykenstein · 05/10/2005 20:18

I was getting into a serious self-hatred thing recently because I find myself getting irritated, sometimes all day, with my gorgeous little boy who is actually very good. His dad on the other hand is the model of patience and never seems to lose his rag.

HOWEVER. I have lately been letting dp take more and more of the strain at weekends, (I think most of my irritation is tiredness), and have noticed that when he has been with ds most of the day, even St. Dad gets a bit shirty by about 5pm. While I am sitting there (cup of tea in hand, Mumsnet on the laptop) thinking "Why are you snapping at him? He's not doing anything wrong?"

So, my conclusion is:

Even a Wonderful Parent with an Angelic Child
will lose their cool sometimes because looking after small people all day is hard, boring and frustrating at times. You are not crap. Or if you are we all are. It's a difficult job and we don't get much appreciation for it. Well done for having an adorable and healthy child!

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:20

Dont tell me "well done"...REPORT ME, i dont deserve to have my gorgeous healthy little boy.

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:21

Not only am i a fishwife cow, i am a FAT fishwife cow, which is even worse.

QueenVictoria · 05/10/2005 20:21

Phew.

Thought it was just me today. I feel like i have shouted all day and mine is only 2.6.

Feel like a terrible mummy today too

Original poster

billiejo · 05/10/2005 20:22

thanks all of you for responding, i think i have big "guilt" issues about lots of things....passing a big issue seller and not having any spare cash, not getting signed up with those charity canvessors..etc etc, i'm a natural born worrier. my fear is that my little boy will be "scared" of my moods/ shouting. espescially cause he does eem so young to get a telling off.

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Satanic · 05/10/2005 20:23

Even the mums who seem to be models of calm and patience lose it sometimes, I promise you! It amazes me when people say to me "Oh, you're so calm and relaxed with your kids" when inside I'm dying with shame at the memory of shouting at my two toddlers like a particularly foul-mouthed fishwife. As someone on here once said - mild-mannered middle class mum on the outside, Jerry Springer guest on the inside!

frannykenstein · 05/10/2005 20:23

Donbean, my post was for billiejo, I'm sorry if it upset you. Was your last post for real? I am so sorry you feel so awful about what happened.

frannykenstein · 05/10/2005 20:25

Whining is so bloody awful and demoralising. I have felt like cack after snapping at my son too. I think it is all (sadly) part of the territory, a bad mum would be the one who thinks it's fine to shout and does it as often as she feels like it.

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:25

LOl me too! Guilt about feeding him the right stuff, guilt that i dont play with him enough, guilt for wanting time away from him, guilt about him waking at night because he is possibly cold because i havent gone in and checked him to see if he is covered, guilt guilt guilt.......

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:26

hehehe, of course you havent upset me, nonononono! your post was absolutely lovely and the exsact thing i needed to hear, nononono, please dont appologise, didnt mean it that way!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster

billiejo · 05/10/2005 20:27

think i'm hormonal aswell because i'm 30weeks pg with my next. some of your posts have made me cry by making me feel at least normal if nothing else. my dh is the same frannykenstein, completely lets it wash over him.

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frannykenstein · 05/10/2005 20:28

Oooh, phew, thought I was being a patronising old cow as usual [relief]. Sorry if I did rumple any feathers and hope everyone here gives themselves a break from guilt for a bit - we are all doing our best...

Donbean · 05/10/2005 20:29

No, not patronising, lovely and so true.

frannykenstein · 05/10/2005 20:30

But they only have it for a bit every day, billiejo, and even if they look after them for the whole day, I don't think many dads have that feeling of being completely and irrevocably responsible for looking after their children every hour, every day, for the rest of their lives...it's just relentless!

aloha · 05/10/2005 20:32

Ha Billiejo, the only reason other mothers shrug and say 'he's a bit whingey today' is because you are there. If they were alone, they'd be shouting 'Stop it! Shut up! If you don't stop whining you will go to your room! Right! That's IT!" in a deranged manner. Then, shortly afterwards, feel consumed with guilt and shame... the usual.

Original poster

billiejo · 05/10/2005 20:33

the thing that amazes me about myself is that if i'm out and about and see someone REALLY shouting at their toddler/kid i just want to run up , poke them in the eye and gather up their little brood and cuddle/spoil them to death.......what a hypocrite

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