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Parenting

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Original poster

help me find a good, sharp, put-down to answer these horrible people

144 replies

nailpolish · 27/09/2005 11:05

I AM SICK FED UP of people saying to me (but more to dh)

"dont you want to try for a boy?"

and to me

"does dh not want a boy?"

WE ARE QUITE HAPPY WITH OUR 2 GIRLS thanks very much

dh got upset the other day when his childless friend said "i only want a boy" "are you not disappointed you dont have a son?" (this man and his wife are ttc are the moment, god forbid they have a daughter

i need a good answer to people when they say these horrible things

i usually just end up giving them death-looks and daggers, but cant think of what to say

OP posts:

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Lonelymum · 27/09/2005 13:22

When people know I have 3 boys and a girl (without knowing the order) they always assume dd is the youngest and the inference is that I kept going until I had a girl. In fact she is number three and I kept going until I had the four children I set out to have (regardless of sex). I can't understand anyone's obseeion with having a particular sex child (apart from for medical reasons) and I agree with hmc that it isn't something that would worry me if people asked about it. If anything, I enjoy popping their illusions!

gigglinggoblin · 27/09/2005 13:24

i have 3 boys and people ask me all the time if im going to try for a girl. i reply that i dont think it would be fair on the girl, she would have to be a tomboy to survive! and she would look ridiculous in the hand-me-downs

muppety · 27/09/2005 14:08

Thought it was just poeple with boys got this. I am quite pleased to know mothers of girls get it too! I was convinced society is down on boys. I have had rude comments from strangers, friends, work colleages etc. Don't generally let it bother me. Mostly its just asking if I am going to try for a girl etc. I usually say that a girl would be nice but then so would another boy. When I was pregnant with ds2 people said all the time 'lets hope its a girl then' and I would reply 'well we know its a boy and are v happy thanks'. Yes I would have loved one of each but this attitude has made me feel extra protective of ds2. I wanted 3 children but am now scared TBH. Really never want ds2 to feel second best (or ds3 if he arrived!). Plus would feel under immense 'pressure'. Would be horrified to be pitied for having 3 lovely adored sons.

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Original poster

nailpolish · 27/09/2005 14:19

sometimes i say "tell that to my girls then" even thought they dont understand (thank god) that people are questioning whether we are happy or not "with only girls"

OP posts:

Stilltrue · 27/09/2005 14:25

I still find it a bit baffling that in this age of PC-ness and "empathising" with people, that it's nevertheless fair game, even among younger, educated people, to comment so brusquely on the shape and size of others' families. As has been said, what about fertility problems, miscarriages, stillbirths. A lovely friend of mine had unexplained secondary infertility, and had given up hope after 5 years when she had her 2nd ds. I try to let it wash over me, but I've had the following over the years:
"Oh it's so nice to start your family off with a boy!" Well yes he's adorable, but a dd would have been adorable too.
"Bet you're hoping for a girl next time"
"Oh, what did you have? Ah, another boy. Never mind"
I have boy boy girl boy and felt just very protective and mother tigress like when they were newborn; don't people realise it's offensive?

Lonelymum · 27/09/2005 14:29

TBH I think people jsut say these things as a way of making small talk, not because they really pity you for having children of one sex. It is like when you say to someone "lovely weather we've been having lately" and some idiot comes back with "Well we could do with some rain for the garden really". It is just small talk FGS. It doesn't mean much.

muppety · 27/09/2005 14:42

Actually I am sure lonelymums right. I myself have been guilty of asking someone with 2 boys whether she has a preference over the sex of her next baby. Obviously I think boys are great so it was just meant to make conversation. Thats different to asking someone after the event whether they are upset theough! I have friends who openly were trying very hard for a particular sex so obviously thats a different conversation.

cod · 27/09/2005 14:43

Message withdrawn

madmarchhare · 27/09/2005 14:45

Do you not think that sometimes its just conversation?, like if you have twins 'Oo I bet theyre hard work' or 'Well, they say its going to rain tomorrow'.

I know it definately would be with my Nan, thats just the way she is. She would never suggest that boys are better than girls, but I can put money on it being something she would say.

In fact she saying to me now 'When are you having another then'. Im not. 'You'll change your mind'

madmarchhare · 27/09/2005 14:45

X post LM

Original poster

nailpolish · 27/09/2005 14:46

saying "i would only want a son" is not small talk

but i can see what you mean

OP posts:

misdee · 27/09/2005 14:47

i have 3 girls. ALWAYS being asked if we're gonna have another to 'try for a boy' if we decifde to have another child we'll bew trying a baby!

madmarchhare · 27/09/2005 14:47

Oh no, thats definately a twatty thing to say.

saadia · 27/09/2005 14:55

I have two boys and was told I should have a girl to "complete the family"!!!! I'm very happy with my boys and would love to have another baby - girl or boy - but even if we don't, my family is complete thank God.

bosscat · 27/09/2005 15:03

oh nailpolish I nearly started a thread like this last week but the other way round! I have 2 boys and just about every living relative has asked me if I'm having a third to "try for a girl". They never believe me when I tell them I'd be more than happy to have another boy and am totally not bothered by this feeling of "I must have a girl". A friend of mine said to me a while ago when she met my 2 boys for the first time "its weird for me because I have 2 girls and yours just seem so MALE" and at the time I thought WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THEY ARE BLOODY MALES but after meeting her girls I understood. I am used to my 'maleness' and feel strangely out of place with all the girliness and hair twisting and cutesy voices. I think if you've got one of each you get used to both but if its all of one you are used to it and the other seems strange. I thank god for my boys, don't miss having girls, and will just say "oh piss off" to anyone else who asks!

Original poster

nailpolish · 27/09/2005 15:04

what a great post bosscat! i totally agree

OP posts:

Bugsy2 · 27/09/2005 15:40

I have the "mythical" perfect "gentleman's" family (to quote from a few posts here) - well minus the father I suppose. People often tell me "how clever" I was to have one of each & in the right order. While basking in their praise, I internally role my witching eye and think how absurdly stupid. Nothing to do with me, just got what popped out.
I don't understand what makes people come out with such rubbish. Why don't they just say, what lovely children you have!

paolosgirl · 27/09/2005 15:43

I have a sister who has just had her 3rd girl. She was so horrified at the thought of having a boy that she was in tears about it. Apparently, boys are the spawn of the devil in her eyes - yyaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnn. I have a DS btw. This attitude makes me mad - be glad you're not one of the thousands of couples who can't have children, and be grateful for what you have IMO.

HappyDaddy · 27/09/2005 15:43

I'm double pleased with my two girls and would happily have more girls. My brother has a little boy (18months) and often asks if my dd2 (16months) is as much trouble.

Original poster

nailpolish · 27/09/2005 15:46

oh good a mans opinion - what do you think my dh should say when other males in a 'manly' way in the pub say "dont you want a son?"

have you had that too

my dh is fed up and upset

he said in a rage to someone "only real men have boys"

OP posts:

HappyDaddy · 27/09/2005 15:47

I usually say that I don't need a boy to feel like a man.

Nickinha · 27/09/2005 15:51

Or as my DH always says - "it takes a real man to make a woman".... (we have 3 dd's)

pjsmum · 27/09/2005 15:58

We didn't care what we were having so didn't find out but dp got quite annoyed at people assuming he'd want a boy. He started to tell them that if it was a girl he was going to sell it on ebay. We had a girl and we kept her!{grin]

HappyDaddy · 27/09/2005 16:00

I didn't mind so didn't ask the sex but, dw wanted to know so she could plan the colour of the nursery and clothes and stuff. My other reply is simply that as long as baby is healthy I'm over the moon. Wishing for anything is tempting fate.

aloha · 27/09/2005 17:19

NO MI, not you! Someone else! And I don't mind really anyway. It's always different when they are yours.

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