Only children 'happier' according to this study...

[edam]

Interesting stuff for those of us with only children. Although I'm amazed apparently we make up half of all households - not in this neck of the woods or amongst my friends and family.

Also think it has to be balanced with what it's like to be an only child as an adult, especially coping with elderly parents and parents dying. I know my mother has felt desperately lonely at times - she has friends but no-one who shares her childhood memories.

(My strategy is to hope ds will remain very close to his cousins, who are fortunately very close in age - at least there's someone who will know who he's moaning about when he complains about me in later years!)

Telegraph 15 November

Only children happier than those with siblings
Only children are happier than those with brothers or sisters, according to new research which shows that sibling rivalry can have a serious effect on a child's emotional wellbeing.

More than half of the children surveyed said they had been bullied by a sibling, and one in three said they had been hit, kicked or pushed on regular occasions. Others complained of name-calling and having their belongings stolen.

The Understanding Society study run by the Institute for Social and Economic Research concluded that happiness declines the more siblings there are in a household.

Other reasons for only children being more contented include not having to compete for parental attention or to share a bedroom with a sibling, said Gundi Knies, a researcher on the project

Dr Ruth Koppard, a child psychologist, said: "In an average home, the more children, the less privacy for each child. Some love sharing a bedroom with a sibling but they would rather choose to do it than have to do it."

Homes with just one child make up nearly half of all families in Britain.

The study, to be published on Friday, questioned 2,500 young people. It also found that seven out of 10 teenagers are "very satisfied" with their lives and children from ethnic minorities are happier than their white counterparts.

I'm an only one, I was happy when the sun shone and miserable when it rained.

I grew up in a working class area with lots of neighbouring kids to play out with. It was great. When I went home I had plenty of attention and materially I was spoilt. We lived where we lived because my parents are what I call born again socialists. So we were relatively well off compared to others and I was aware that I was spoilt and lucky.

Now though, oh dear, two ageing crones to care for and no support. Would I change it, not a bit. Life is what you make it, not how many siblings you have.

it is interesting that this study has been presented along the only child/siblings axis, not addressing the question of why children from ethnic minorities are happier than white children?

I'm very close to my sisters but dh really has very little in common with his sister. Used to really puzzle me. I didn't get how you could have a sister and NOT feel strongly about her, whether that's adoration or hatred.

He says he resented his sister as a child and just wished she would disappear - has never had any real link with her right from being tiny (and there are only two years between them).

Oddly enough, they do seem to be getting closer now. Maybe because his mother is elderly and increasingly in need of attention and support, so dh spends more time with his sister when they are both at his mother's house. But they are still very different people who have chosen very different paths. I think dh is his Dad all over again in character, likes and dislikes and interests, and his sister is his mother, rather than each having something from both parents.

I find the argument that onlies have to deal with their aged parents all by themselves a bit . Plenty of people with siblings will also find themselves looking after elderly parents by themselves. Seems like a bit of a non issue to me.

FWIW I have a sister, who is 12 years younger than me. So during my childhood I was an only and loved it. I was spoiled, but not materially, just through the time, attention and love that I got from my whole family. i have very close friends, and I met my best friend when we were 4 and we share childhood memories in the way that I imagine siblings would.

I have an only child as do lots of my friends. Mine has never Ever wanted a sibling. I know two only childen who would like a sibling and several others who don't want one.

As for only children not getting on well with younger children, again it is so variable and depends on the individual child and not on whether they have a sibling themselves.

My only has always been a very happy child but many kids with sibs are also happy. The generalisms do none of us any favours, although this research about the positive experiences of only children is a nice counterbalance to the negative and frequently ignorant things that some people say about this minority group of only children and their families.

I think there is something to be said for siblings helping you prepare for life - my dh is an only child and really struggles to cope with the noise and the rivalry between mine. DD moans about her little brother but I know she would have continued to pester for a sibling if he had not been born (when she was nearly 5). He adores her, even though she treats him badly a lot of the time!

Oh and I have nothing in common with my brother 6 years younger than me, but maybe that's just because we have nothing in common! It's much more about the way you are brought up than whether you have siblings, I believe.

I'm currently pg with my first and have only ever wanted one child. I have a wonderful brother and we are really close even though we don't see each other that much. I agree with HalfCaff that happiness is to do with the way you're raised rather than if you have siblings.

I made the mistake of telling two elderly women that this is my first and last pregnancy and one of them actually told me it was cruel to have just one as they would be lonely and would resent OH and me . Not sure where this stems from but surely, as long as children get to mix at school and socially, they're not deprived at all?

I keep getting told that although I'm saying I only want one now, I'll change my mind after he's born. I find this patronising as I've only ever planned to have one and think I'm old enough to know my own mind.

Well DH is an only child and I'm one of 6, DH has alawys said he would have liked a sibling. I think only children and those from bigger families can both be happy it just depends on how they are brought up.

"It is conceivable that only children may not be as happy as people with siblings when they are older adults caring for elderly parents- "

As far as my DF is concerned he might as well have been an only child for the help my uncle gave him when my grandmother becam ill. He lived at the other end of the country and wasn't interested.

As an only child I know I'll be the only one looking after my parents and at least I'm prepared for it, not expecting there to be someone else to help

NeedtoSleep, I am an only child, DH is one of three. I am considerably more sociable than he is and make friends MUCH more easily. Who can tell if it's down to character or the fact that he always had 2 playmates at home and didn't have to worry about making friends to play with

I am one of three and I love my brother and sister to bits. I'm very close to them.
DH is an only child and also happy to be one. He is close to his cousins. He doesn't understand the bond with my siblings.
My dd is likely to be an only child and the prospect of cousins does not seem likel qt this time. I hope she is happy no matter what.
I think it is more to do with lifestyle,parents and circumstance than whether you are a one and only or not.

I would agree with the posters saying it depends on how you are raised tbh, and whether this survey has been biased by its sampling. Were there even numbers of only child/multiple sibling families from each economic background?

If they are saying that half the country's households have only one child, and we know that, as a general trend, poorer families tend to have slightly larger families, does it not rather suggest that wealthier children are happiest?

My mother was an only child and was unhappy. I am one of three and moderately happy (now at least). My DP was one of three and has clinical depression. There are too many variables to ever confirm that a particular number of children is best for their or your happiness.

oooh i know the expert quoted!

I'm sure the researchers will have considered confounding factors, got the right population size of each group for valid statistical comparison, and done their best to adjust for issues such as economic status. That's fairly standard research practice and this is a report from a respected think-tank.

So a study of 2,500 children is interesting and does provide some evidence that only children are not only fine but may even be happier than those with siblings (although more research is needed amongst adult only children). It seems other studies mentioned in this thread also show benefits for only children.

Doesn't mean everyone should have an only child of course. There's a huge difference between populations and individuals. But it's interesting and reassuring for those of us who have or are only children.

I would have rather been an only child, however DH is an only and would have loved a sibling.

I think my DCs are very happy to have siblings by the amount of giggling that happens most days in this house. And yes they do argue, moan about sharing etc but the company,bond etc more that compensates for that.

The terms of the reporting of the study are just too broad. Surely it depends a lot on the gap between siblings? I have three sisters, one is 8 years younger than me, the other two are 10 and 12 years older. So I was essentially an only child once my older sisters left home until the younger one came along when I was 8. I can't say I ever had what would be classed as the usual experience of having siblings, even though I was statistically clearly not an only child.

FWIW, I found being 10 years younger than the oldest ones intensely frustrating and lonely, and being 8 years older than the youngest one very difficult as it brought increased responsibility with little reciprocal support.

Obviously as we get older, the gaps mean less, but we have never shared the same priorities or life stages.

Whereas DH loves having a brother, and their gap is only four years.

My son, looks like being an only and I can see there are pros and cons for remaining an only or becoming a sib.
He does seem very happy and content, play by himself really well, but probably would have been quite happy and content with a sib
On balance I think he has had a better time of things in terms of the attention/money/time lavished on him by us and his extended family.
If he does get a sib, he will probably like it, but definitely have fewer outings/classes because we couldn't afford for him to continue to have the lifestyle he enjoys.
He doesn't like babies.

The care issue of elderly parents isn't necessarily helped by having siblings.
I haven't experienced this first hand, but have many friends and colleagues who are caring for elderly or infirm parents and the issue of care has become the source of much resentment.
It seems one sib is almost always over-burdened and feels resentful of their sibs. When they need to make decisions about care and so on, they have to consult their sibs, who are often not very realistic about the issue involved, as they are remote.
One friend has been trying to take over her mother's estate as an attorney, because they are currently paying a solicitor a fortune for minor jobs, but her sibs are blocking this. The sibs live overseas.
Of course there is nothing better than to have helpful, caring sibs who take their fair share of the burden and live nearby, that would be an ideal.

I think there are definitely pros and cons no matter which way you go. I have an only right now (he's three) but will be TTC soon. And I'm soooo excited about adding another DC, but at the same time will miss our happy little family of three sometimes. I can see how and why people choose to have onlies, for sure.

Interesting those that say onlies never wanted a sib. I felt like it was the best thing I could have done for ds to give him a sib. I have felt quite guiltly about stopping at 2 as they both periodically lobby for a baby. I have explained to them this will mean less time with me and it would be difficult to do things like skiing and swimming, but usually they both still say theywould like another baby. Maybe as someone said earlier onlies don't miss what they don't know. I am one of 3 siblings 10 cousins within 10 years all lived within walking distance, so I guess I am used to big families.

I think the main downside of being an only child is that all the parents hopes and dreams are pinned on you.It's a lot to live up to!

see, that's were you're going wrong

I don't expect too much from dd, only that she's a good person and can tell a decent joke