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Only children 'happier' according to this study...

240 replies

edam · 16/11/2010 10:18

Interesting stuff for those of us with only children. Although I'm amazed apparently we make up half of all households - not in this neck of the woods or amongst my friends and family.

Also think it has to be balanced with what it's like to be an only child as an adult, especially coping with elderly parents and parents dying. I know my mother has felt desperately lonely at times - she has friends but no-one who shares her childhood memories.

(My strategy is to hope ds will remain very close to his cousins, who are fortunately very close in age - at least there's someone who will know who he's moaning about when he complains about me in later years!)

Telegraph 15 November

Only children happier than those with siblings
Only children are happier than those with brothers or sisters, according to new research which shows that sibling rivalry can have a serious effect on a child's emotional wellbeing.

More than half of the children surveyed said they had been bullied by a sibling, and one in three said they had been hit, kicked or pushed on regular occasions. Others complained of name-calling and having their belongings stolen.

The Understanding Society study run by the Institute for Social and Economic Research concluded that happiness declines the more siblings there are in a household.

Other reasons for only children being more contented include not having to compete for parental attention or to share a bedroom with a sibling, said Gundi Knies, a researcher on the project

Dr Ruth Koppard, a child psychologist, said: "In an average home, the more children, the less privacy for each child. Some love sharing a bedroom with a sibling but they would rather choose to do it than have to do it."

Homes with just one child make up nearly half of all families in Britain.

The study, to be published on Friday, questioned 2,500 young people. It also found that seven out of 10 teenagers are "very satisfied" with their lives and children from ethnic minorities are happier than their white counterparts.

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drivingmisscrazy · 18/11/2010 20:35

princessparty - yes, I do think that's a downside - I see it in my niece (only child by choice) and in my DD (who is burdened with more rellies than any child should have to put up with!) - it's one of the main reasons why I'd like her to have a sibling. I have spent an awful lot of my life trying to live up to others' (perceived) expectations of me, taking lots of responsibility etc, and whilst these have made me successful at what I do, it's not necessarily a recipe for contentment.

I try very hard not to do this with DD: she is her own little person, and she is not here to fulfill our ideas of what she should do...

edam · 18/11/2010 20:59

pp - yes, and I'm consciously trying to avoid that for ds. Although something similar does affect eldest children, IME, just possibly not the same extent.

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Takver · 18/11/2010 21:50

Mind you, princessparty, dh and both his siblings had a vast amount of expectations pinned onto them, all were expected to make up for their mother giving up her own career for their sake. (They're spaced across 15 years, so they all got full on parental input.)

I'm an only, and both my parents were always very clear that the important thing in life was to do something that made you happy and suited you . . .

Again I think it isn't really family size, but context that is all.

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tessofderbyville · 18/11/2010 22:23

Lots of interesting debate on here. It is a shame the flack people get for having only one child - when there are so many reasons (medical, financial, emotional) that it is the right or inevitable outcome for that family.

My dd was an only for longer than we hoped and whilst waiting for dd2 to appear, the pressure from others to have a DC2 was huge; some people just don't THINK!!!

We are pleased that dd1 did not remain an only, although she may claim to disagree. DH and I have decided that siblings actually are jolly useful on holiday. We are vehemently anti-social holidayers who like to leave extended family and friends at home so we are glad DDs have each other to entertain.

NoelEdmondshair · 18/11/2010 22:25

DD goes off and makes friends on holiday!

onceamai · 19/11/2010 09:07

I hated being an "only" although I don't think it did me any harm. The only thing I hated more was snide comments from others along the lines of "well, you're an only". My MIL who was a primary school teacher does great line of "well, I could always spot an only child - the were precious and wouldn't share". She has the greediest, most selfish two daughters I have ever come across!

Takver · 19/11/2010 10:42

Agree, tessofderbyville, somehow people assume that because you could have one child, it is magically easy to have as many as you like!

I'm an only for exactly that reason - parents wanted a big family, but medically it wasn't possible (in fact it took them 12 yrs before I came along, even tho they married & wanted kids when mum was in her teens). Mind you, at least I knew I was a wanted child Grin

wannabeglam · 19/11/2010 11:11

I heard the author of the report on the radio today. He said the interviewees were between 10 and 15, that it was a time in their lives when those with siblings were looking for more time to themselves and were more irritated by siblings. Asked the same questions at a different time in their lives, the answers would be different. So the headlines and articles in the papers were misrepresentative.

As for those giving parents of onlies a hard time, or giving onlies a hard time for that matter - the world is full of ignorant, unkind people unfortunately. Sweeping statements are always a load of tosh.

Justthisone · 19/11/2010 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyloveslucy · 19/11/2010 14:47

My daughter is an only child, and seems happy and content. (When not at school) I don't think it's being an only that makes her that way though. She'd love a little sibling.
I have a brother and two sisters that I absoluitly adored and I was a pretty miserable little shit. Grin

WreckoftheHesperus · 19/11/2010 15:29

My DD is an only, as we've failed to produce any siblings for her, after many IVF attempts and miscarriages.

The grief of not being able to provide her with a brother or sister is exacerbated by the sweeping an unpleasant generalisations prevalent in society about only children.

Even if it is a load of old tosh, it's nice to read an article being positive about onlies for a change, as I'm still coming to terms with the situation.

asdx2 · 20/11/2010 21:21

I'm one of six and my best friend from school is an only child and we both envied each others homelife tbh.She envied the readymade gang of playmates and I envied the peace and solitude.

roslily · 21/11/2010 07:39

I think in my experience, some people from large families loved it, some hated it. Some onlies love it, some hate it etc etc. Depends totally on individual circumstances

messalina · 15/08/2011 15:38

Agreed with all those who said it depends on individual circumstances. Some people like lots of children. Some people like lots of shoes.

messalina · 15/08/2011 15:40

Though, I guess if you have lots of children you can buy lots of shoes...and if your feet happen to be a size 2.5 and you really like Hello Kitty, it's a bonus.

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