I can't fucking do this anymore

[nickypomtimes]

Fucking ds2. I am sat here in tears and shaking with frustration.
He is only 6 mths old.

It has been shit from the start - reflux.

I get fuck all sleep.

I don;t think he has reflux anymore tbh.4

I sleep with him in my arms becasue it is the onkly way to get sleep at all.

I cant get him to natoday.

I am so fucking frustrated with him.

I am neglecting ds, who is a nightmare too. He is 4 and an obnoxious little shit at times.

My liofe is fucked.,

I hate being their Mum.

THanks guys.

Had reasonable day (but crap night) yesterday.

Todat ok.

THings with ds1 are better though - I tried the no-shouting at him thing and he has been much better behaved! No idea if it was a coincidence, but I feel like a nicer Mummy.

Yay! Well done Nickypomtimes :) Sounds like you're coping really well.

Hi Nicky. I have posted occasionally on previous threads of yours. Sorry you are still having such a crap time. With my DD weaning really did seem to help. She was much more content during the day. Although I think some of it might actually have been because she turned out to be mildly dairy intolerant, so getting some of her calories from food instead of milk might have been more comfortable for her.

Solids did not make a huge difference to the nights. I think the right dose of omeprazole helped there. But ultimately it just took time. Every month seemed to get a little better (except when she was teething which always made for bad nights). DD is now 2.7 and has very few reflux symptoms left - lots of hiccups and a few bad nights.

Did you ever get the pH monitoring? Did it show anything useful?

Nicky I had dreadful time with DD2 and reflux too.

Things improved a lot when I stopped BF and went onto formula with Gaviscon which was sad for me as I was determined to keep BF but DD was not gaining weight from being sick constantly.

I didn't bond with DD2 honestly until after nine months as I was so frustrated and exhausted that whole time.

I propped cot to a 45 degree angle for sleeping and followed a strict routine to not overfeed with milk and got her sleeping through the night by settling without feeding, or settling with water.

Kept DD2 upright except for sleep times and had a very useful exersaucer bouncy thing which was invaluable, especially when parked in front of Baby Einstein DVD's which kept her quiet and entranced when nothing else seemed to work!

Once six months passed we zoomed through weaning at a cracking pace, almost straight to mash/lumps and were eating three meals a day at nine months and cutting back on milk which seemed to help the replux a great deal.

Just some ideas which helped us a lot. x

I absolutely promise you that this time will pass. you will get through it. you need someone just to talk to you on your own.

Hi nicky,

I posted on your thread before. Sorry to hear things aren't much better but hey, your DS2 is 6 months old. Wahey!!!!! It won't be long till things get much better! We suspected DS2 had reflux from the beginning but everyone told us a certain amount of reflux was normal for newborns so we never pursued any intervention hoping he would outgrow it. At 7 months old, he stopped throwing up everyday and we were so relieved and hoped things would get better from then. But nope, his sleep became appalling (he had a chronic cough every night and sometimes, through the night!) and he just would not eat. Finally saw a pediatrician specialising in chest issues and he diagnosed DS2 with reflux.

He prescribed omeprazole and domperidone and amazingly DS2 got worse (his sleep became worse!)... I went back to my GP who prescribed ranitidine instead of omeprazole and within a week, DS2 was like a new child. His nose has stopped running (after a continuous stream since day 1!), he no longer sounds like a rattle, he doesn't cough at night (sleeps through now other than the odd blip!), eats like a horse and is such a happy baby.

I guess I'm telling you my story to see if you could get any positives from it? Is your DS2 on any medication for reflux? If he is, have you thought about changing it? I doubted the medication could do anything but honestly, it has changed our lives for the better and I wished we went down the medical route earlier... BTW, DS2 just turned 1 and my life is on the whole a lot easier now. The boys sort of play together now so I can sneak off now and then for a breather! :)

Ax

Hi.

Thank you for the messages.

He is so much better, really he is. SO much so that he is coming off his meds (Ranitadine) very slowly to see what happens. I don;t think the reflux is such an issue now. But something is annoying him in the night. I think it is his lower guts, iyswim? DOn't know if it is connected with the reflux or not?

We are beginning solids in the next week. Got the porrige in!

Most days he is a great wee guy. Just the sleeping ruins everything. He seems to WANT to sleep, but is so uncomfy. He fights naps, but that is normal ime and I can live with that no probs if he has sleep at night. I am just soooo bloody knackered.

Ds1 has been so ggod the last few days. THat has really helped. He has been so sweet and he really loves his baby brother.

Your support has helped. Thank you so much.

It's really nice to hear you sound so much happier despite being knackered.

I think someone else has already mentioned white noise on here and I don't know if you already use it. DS1 was an appalling sleeper, and we found playing a white noise CD continuously throughout the night really helped him stay asleep for longer periods. You can order them on ebay for about 2 quid or you can probably find them free to download if you google it. It's worth try. If they're light sleepers and easily disturbed, the white noise seems to block out other sounds and they find it soothing too.

Nicky, it is great that you seem happier. DD also fought naps. The manager at her nursery told me, when DD was about 7 months old, that she thought DD would do much better at daytime naps when she got to the point of only requiring one nap a day. She was right! We went from a battle to get DD to have three 20 minute naps a day to her happily sleeping for up to 2.5 hours after lunch.

DD does not usually nap now, but she does sleep through the night. It is bliss! She sleeps better (and later in the mornings) than many of my friend's children. I think it is only fair after all the sleepless nights I had in her first 18 months.

Good luck with the weaning.

sIart solids now, I'm sure that's going to do the trick. But it will take time as quantities increase, so don't expect a miracle.

Cheers.

He's currently sound asleep ON HIS OWN on my bed! GO figure...

nicky
Only just seen your posts - I had PND and was on Sertraline which did bugger all for me and I changed mine to Venlafaxine. Not saying that is the solution for you but you sound from your posts like you are not coping. As others have said change your GP if they are not sympathetic and discuss your meds with them and other coping strategies. Meds alone in my opinion don't work you need help with practical things so your DH needs to understand why you feel like you do. My DH was pretty useless with my depression tbh

It is bloody hard work, especially in the first year with 2 kids and I felt horrendous. I also felt like I didn't like my kids although I loved them. I felt guilty about absolutely everything. DS not getting enough of my attention, DD was a sicky baby although not diagnosed with reflux was pretty crap, house looked a mess, I looked a mess.

I started running and can honestly say it saved me. I did the couch potato to 5k thread on here and felt completely brilliant.

Sling for DD all the time and eventually she took to settling on her own. For gods sake don't give up BF - like you say there is no need to give up and you both enjoy it.

Anyway keep your chin up and keep posting. I posted under a different name when I was really bad but the MH board girls really helped me through it when I couldn't talk to people in RL

Big hugs to you because it's shite! It will get better and I've nothing better to add than what's already been said but I feel for you coz it can be so shite!

I'm feeling dead anxious atm.

He is sound asleep but i need to get to the bfing group (for sanity)M and soon it will be too late.

i am worried if i wake him he will not sleep alone again!

i know i am being mad...

How's your afternoon been Nicky? Did you make it to the bfing group?

Hope you managed to get to your group and that DS didn't mind too much being woken.

Let us know how you get on tonight. Hope you manage to get some rest this evening.

yep, got there, just!

was good.

sorry about typing - feeding!

Am very pleased to read that he is coming off the meds

That is great news

My Ds's reflux did improve with solids - less liquidnto bring up

Also good you feel brighter. Soon, you will look back on this time as it will feel like aeons ago. You will all make it through, maybe a bit battle scarred (you) but your boys will be fine

yes, i have developed my first facial lines!

Your first?!

I am in urgent need of a FACEFULL of botox

Not read it all sorry but got the gist. My friends son is now 16. He is intolerant to milk. Gave him reflux and all sorts when he was a baby. She didn't find out until he was older but it did solve unanswered questions from when he was a baby. I am not saying your baby has the same but it might be something to look into.

As previously said he is ready for solids. My two were on solids at ten weeks, DS was always starving.

My two screamed their heads off unless I put them to sleep on their tummies but I presume by now he is wriggling around all over in his cot.

Sounds mad but try turning on the Hoover or get inlaws to take him out in car to get him asleep.

If you are not being helped by your GP, you need a new GP. Do you have a local NCT? I found them invaluable when mine were little.

NTH.

Nicky, just read your thread - I can remember what a nightmare it can be - if you get your sleep you can cope with anything, but if you havn't slept and have a fretful baby as well it can be hell on earth - Not the wonderful picture we're all fed by the media. But it will pass - just grab what rest you can, wshen you can, leave the housework and everything else - try and get a break if you can, recruit any willing passing soul who can babysit for a few hours here and there. Get out and have a break from it all if you can. I had twins, one slept and one woke up every night until she went to school! I was nackered all the time, but seemed to get used to the feeling off tiredness and eventually learned to be nice to myself and do the very least that I had to, so long as they girls were fed, watered and happy. The really bad exhausting bits seemed to get better around 3 - 6 months - but found out later that the one who didn't sleep and was always crying and seemed to be in pain all the time was actually lactose intollerant! No bugger told me or even considered it might have been the cause of all her angst and lack of sleep. She is now adult and can't stand any milk products - she's been fine for years but it's worth considering. You ARE NOT ALONE!! XXXXXX

Sleep deprivation is evil.

Do try the cranial osteopathy - it worked in this house for all sorts (and we're really not into alternative health cures at all).

As for your DH, I really think he should be pulling his weight at night, at least at the week-ends.