I can't fucking do this anymore

[nickypomtimes]

Fucking ds2. I am sat here in tears and shaking with frustration.
He is only 6 mths old.

It has been shit from the start - reflux.

I get fuck all sleep.

I don;t think he has reflux anymore tbh.4

I sleep with him in my arms becasue it is the onkly way to get sleep at all.

I cant get him to natoday.

I am so fucking frustrated with him.

I am neglecting ds, who is a nightmare too. He is 4 and an obnoxious little shit at times.

My liofe is fucked.,

I hate being their Mum.

Going on to bottles helped me to. Ds fed better and I felt less trapped.

Going back to work part-time also helped. It allowed me to focus on being me and improved my relationship with my son beyond measure.

Can you work out what the minimum you would need to make yourself feel more positive is and then try and achieve that?

OP controlled crying (when done properlly) does NOT mean leaving your baby to cry for long periods of time. It really helped me. It's more about teaching you baby to feel to happy and secure without being held all day.

It sounds like you need more help that though, do you have a local Sure Start Centre? What about your health visitor, can you swap GP's if yours is crap? Where is your partner in all this?

Poor, poor you.

Why don't they just fucking sleep??!! They're tired, surely they would feel better for a night's sleep? Buggering reflux is a nightmare, and yes, when they are better they are in such bad sleep habits it's hard to know what to do. I don't know why I get so frustrated when they won't sleep, but I seem to take it personally and get scarily angry and resentful at times.

You can't see it now but you're doing really well.Talk to your DH, say you're in a shit place and come up with a new plan for improving sleep - eg DH has to settle him until 1am, then it's your turn or DH gives you the morning off at the weekend and takes both DC out the house so you can have some peaceful rest. You need some time away from DC even just a morning.

Sorry you are so low at the moment

Ok... Be kind to yourself, the fact that you are here, feeling all frustrated at the whole situation, completely tired after trying so hard and not getting results, makes me think that you can take care of your 2 kids. Other people may be already in the pub, after dropping baby on the hands of a passer by nearest relative.

When DS was tiny, and things were so heavy I was about to lose it and start crying, it helped to remove myself of the situation for a few minutes until I had calmed down a bit. The plain realisation that DS was not going to die if I put him safely in his cot, close the door for a few minutes and sit out of the room while I composed myself, did wonders to keep my sanity.

Just remember one thing, it is ok for you to be at the front of the queue sometimes. He is not going to die if you let him cry for a while.

I had a 21mth gap between my 2 DCs and I remember well the days where I felt like that. Like it had all got too much.

You need a breather, can someone take both DCs off your hands so you can go for a walk or have a lie down or bath?

The lack of sleep is a killer, some DCs are just like that aren't they?

You know it will get better.

Have you got into much of a routine yet? I found planning the days ahead so I got out the house, even just the park, would really make the day go that much faster. I felt less guilty about DS1, the fresh air did us good and the crying always seems less intense outdoors.

Many sympathies.

I feel I have nothing useful to say beyond what others have already said. I only have one DS (he is 5 weeks) and it is bloody hard work and have spent most of the day thinking that I am doing a rubbish job. You aren't alone and you aren't a failure - sounds like you're doing everything you can. Everything is worse when you're sleep deprived.

Is there someone you can ask to look after both of them so that you can just have an hour to yourself to get some fresh air?

Thank you.

yes, we have tried elimination diet to no effect.

hospital on wednesday. doubt they'll be able to do much though tbh.

I get out a lot, yes, it does help. But unfortunately we are skint and I can;t get out the house everyday as we live in a tiny village with nothing to do, nowhere to go, if you don;t have a car. It costs a lot on the bus so I get out twice a week, sometimes 3 times. There aren't even any decent walks around here.

I am so fucking knackered and stressed then dh comes home and moans while he tidies up and I want to tell him to fuck off.

and I have put on nealry a stone since he was born from comfort eating.

I looked quite good when he was born, quite slim and healthy.

I look fucking horrendous now. Fat anad pale and spotty and my hair looks like shit.

I am too far gone to help myself today.

ds 1 gone out ewih inlaws.

I nearly hit him

I have never smacked him - don;t believe in it - but I have been very close to going mental at him and if I started god help me i don;t think io could stop.

poor wee boy.

he is a nice wee thing really. i just can't cope.

i yell at him all the time]
so does dh.

we are both frustrated and tired

i know i'd feel better if i went out for a wlak but there is nowhere to go. i just can't get it together enought to get organised for it.

.

anyone about now?

Have you tried one of those battery operated swinging chairs for DS2? We had one for DD2 and it was the only thing that allowed me to have 5 minutes peace.

Is DS1 not at nursery?

Yes, have one.

it is currently on sale on ebay!

ds1 atr nursery in the mornins yes

other problem is that ds2 can only nap on me and in silence so it is a nightmare when ds1 about
how am I going to cope when mum goes on holiday on jan?

Its crap isn't it. I have really shit days too, it does get easier although I know thats not much help to you at the moment.

What is baby like in the car? I sometimes drive round til DD is asleep and then park up for a while.

Could they not take baby too? Give you the opportunity for a bubble bath, a nap, whatever? Do you get any time to yourself at all? If EBF is making you feel trapped then it is definitely worth trying bottles. Let DH have a turn. How much does DH do with him?

How do you feel about formula feeding? It may help you if your Mum takes ds2 for the day so you and ds1 can have a proper break from him?

Also I'd try a craniel osteopath in case yor ds2 has a really bad headache/neck ache hence why he is miserable and screamy

bfing isn't making me feel trapped.

tbh it is the only thing that keeps me going.

stopping bfing would completely and utterly finish me. there would be nothing worth keeping gpoing for then. I wold be heartbroken.

i do not want anyone else to take him, except dh of course. or my mum. i don;t trust anyone esle, especially not inlaws.

car - i can't drive unfortunately.

Sorry to do a fly by as I've only just read this and have to go out but my hugest sympathies with you. You aren't a shit mum, you're just having a tough time. My ds had reflux (also bf) and when I moved him over to bottles fully at about 8 months it stopped. Maybe your mum could have your eldest for a weekend so you and dh can try and get some rest between you.

ffing - no way!

btw nothing against ff for others. Just not for me this time round.

I don't think I could give ds1 over for the weekend - would feel i was rejecting him iyswim?