I can't fucking do this anymore

[nickypomtimes]

Fucking ds2. I am sat here in tears and shaking with frustration.
He is only 6 mths old.

It has been shit from the start - reflux.

I get fuck all sleep.

I don;t think he has reflux anymore tbh.4

I sleep with him in my arms becasue it is the onkly way to get sleep at all.

I cant get him to natoday.

I am so fucking frustrated with him.

I am neglecting ds, who is a nightmare too. He is 4 and an obnoxious little shit at times.

My liofe is fucked.,

I hate being their Mum.

can you express and let dh or mum take him out for a day, then?

expressing - i have tried this, but it didn't really make much odds. and I don;t realx anyway.

Sorry but I dont understand why you are so dead set against giving up bf?. Surely your ds must have recieved most of the health benfits from it already and also I think the state of your mental health is far more important at the moment?..
Get to the chemist get some formula and leave the child to cry(they wont remember or hate you for it when they grow up-thats just bollocks). You need to do it for your own sanity and for the safety of the kids by the sound of it.

Can't your mum take the baby out for walks , drive in the car etc so you can spend some quality time with ds1?
Do some baking with him etc? He probably feels pushed out if he's with your mum all the time and you're always with ds2. Does he go to preschool?

Poor you. It is so crap isn't it, and no one really warns you how much you have to forget about yourself and your own needs/life/health in order to be a mum. I couldn't believe how little other people seem to be able to help really. dh means well but like you said - it's not worth getting him our of bed for all the help he is really when dc is crying in the night. And parents are always saying they will help but really all mine seem to do is constantly remind me how they were much better at it than I am!

I find it helps to remind myself of the things I am doing well. EBF is a wonderful achievement - so few mums in rl manage this to 6 months. Like you I couldn't stand the idea of CC - even though all my friends tell my its wonderful and the best thing they've done. So when I'm up at night with dc crying I remind myself that by cuddling her I'm doing what I believe is the best thing and that other people might just be leaving her to cry. The fact that you care about these things, and the fact you care about being a good parent means you already are.

pink- she likes bf and no, health benefits don't stop after 6 months

no, pink, i do not need to get formula thanks. Or leave him to cry.

his safety is not at risk ffs.
3

BREASTFEEDING IS THE ONLY THING I AM GETTING RIGHT! My mental health would be worse without it. trust me, we have discussed this with paed consultants many times.

He's six months now right? Have you started weaning him? If not, start! Will he sit in his highchair and have a go with some finger foods? DD used to be entertained for ages (well, 20 minutes) with some sliced pear etc. at that age.

And if you can get him to eat some yoghurt etc. then you can feasibly give him to your mum to take for an hour or so without worrying about him being hungry.

How about cranial osteopathy? I wish we had tried this with DC1, and wouldn't hesitate to try it with this DC (when (s)he arrives). Although, it might be pricey?

White noise? We bought a CD off eBay.

Change GPs, and keep changing until you find someone sympathetic.

Also, have you spoken to Crysis

And I absolutely promise you that you definitely will not look half as bad as you imagine yourself to

This will end, Nicky. One day at a time.

your ds sounds exactly like my dd when she was a baby

I only have the one though, so I imagine it's even harder with another to look after

I couldn't get her off the breast, she wouldn't take a bottle, we co-slept as well so I understand that feeling of being utterly trapped

I don't have anything practical to say to you, other than it will get better, honestly it will

It's hard though, when you are in the midst of it

You're not a shit mum

I've been there.

Who takes/collects DS1 from nursery? If you're not gettin enough sleep, delegate that task to someone else or take DS1 out of it for a while until you feel better.

Try to eat well, avoid caffeine, stick to set bedtimes for yourself and be outside for at least 30 mins every day.

Can you express so someone else can do some night feeds?

Plan something for a few weeks time to look forward to, like a night away with your DP.

Dont do anything that is tiring you out that isn't essential eg cleaning/shopping.

Really sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. I've seen your threads before. Do you think your ds1 would take staying with your mum for the weekend as a rejection? Or do you think it would be a treat for him? You could talk it up and help plan some special things for him and your mum to do. My ds1 is 4 too and I feel like it is me rejecting him when he stays with my mum but I don't really think he sees it that way at all.

Thaks guys, yes, last thing i need to do is make up bloody bottles and spend money on something i am making for naught!

Yes, baking, ds1 and i did loads of that last year when i was pg. i should do that, tes or something

Your posts are riddled with guilt.

Can you let any of that go? If you let DS1 have a weekend away, he'll probably have a fab time. If not, he won't remember it a week later.

If you give DS2 a bottle or two or more, again, it really won't do him any harm. The relief of just a little bit not being on your shoulders is indescribable.

Honestly, I have been where you are.

But life is far, far too short for those levels of guilt.

Doubt I'm helping tbh, but just feel for you so much. (((hugs))

x-posts, oops ignore bottles thing. But think about it, it really transformed my life despite v pro bf. I expressed, so not pushing formula here.

thank you.

frined does cranial stuff for kids, but dh won't entertain it.

lol at me not looking taht bad.

oh look, a smile!

Oh yes, guilt.

i feel it constantly

someone is always being let down

how frequently does he feed?
can you thrust DS2 at DH immediately after a feed and make him drive around the block for a while while you have a good hour (or whatever you can) get just playing with DS1?

My 3week old DD2 will only sleep on me as well .

yes, dh takes him out at times.

i just have nothign left to give ds1. we end up watching a video or something together.

I'd have felt the same way re ff; if bfing's something you feel strongly about doing, then changing to ffing wont help the feelings and thoughts nicky is going through pink and the health benefits of extended bfing go way beyond the first few months. My Dd will be 4 at Christmas and still bfeeds. Ff was never an option for me and nicky clearly feels the same; it's something she can do for her lo and it's a positive thing for her.

Nicky, my Dd screamed 24/7 for 6 months for 'no apparent reason' and I was driven to the starting point of shaking her . It's a horrible thing to listen to day in and day out, but it does come to an end eventually.

Let your Mum take him out for a couple of hours directly after you've fed him so that you can have some rest alone. I had no one to do this for me and it would've made so much difference to me.
Do something for yourself.

I bet DS1 thinks snuggling up and watching a video together is a lovely treat . I know my DD1 does. Get some hot choc and marshmellows to have while you watch.