Those 'Firsts' you don't write in the baby book. . .

[FranknCock]

First steps, first words, first haircuts, great baby book fodder.

Today, DS (14mo) had another first that I won't write in the book:

In Mothercare, took DS out of pushchair to try something on him. He started walking a month ago and now wants to walk all the time, so I let him stay out and toddle (wasn't busy in there). Turned my head for a few seconds to look at something, looked back and he was gone!

Cue mad dash around area in a wild panic, mind thinking the worst, 'there's no one in here, how could he have been taken?'. After an eternity (15 seconds), spotted his arse sticking out from under a clothing rack where he was hiding, not two feet from where I'd been.

So, first time lost in a shop: 21 October 2010

And I can't remember the exact date, but we had a 'First shit in the bath' a few months ago.

Other 'Firsts' you'd like to forget? Confess them here!

Ah, first theft.

I was cooking spag bog and realised DS2 (aged about 2-3) was using software in the corner of the room I had not seen before. He had pilched the Happy and Max book and corresponding software from nursery, placed it surreptitiously in his nursery bag, brought it home, taken it out, installed the software on the kitchen PC and was merrily playing away. Serious intent, I call that.

Blimey boffin and tortures, that is quite impressive. Especially mini-boffin lifting the software and installing it! Makes ds seem quite respectable... (bugger was I don't even like chewing gum - why he couldn't have grabbed the chocolate I do not know).

I once offered to pay at the till when I realised ds had grabbed a tomato and was busy chewing. Lovely teenage lad gave me a very funny look and said 'I think Sainsbury's can afford one tomato, don't you?'

First time they figure out how to get tablets out of the blister pack. That could have been so much worse DD 13 months, and she got a tablet out of the foil and ate it. luckily it was her tablet that she would have got in an hour, but it scared the hell out me that she could do it. im on some hard meds and now keep them in a locked box on the top of the book case.

I have yet to have the first poo in the bath. I hope it happens when DH is bathing her. [hgrin]

I have had the first dirty protest though. We kept her naked and on inco sheets when she had chicken pox and she done a poo got it in her hand and smeared it all over the (leather thank christ) sofa.

First journey in an ambulance: DS at the age of about two and half when he drank some of my lavender essential oil. The paramedic who arrived by bike was not taking any chances and DS loved the excitement of it. He was fine BTW and we felt strangely relaxed throughout the whole experience.

First time DS (almost3) blamed DD (10 months) for farting.

First chocolate binge: DS about 10 months. DH was minding him at the time and I only found out months later when looking at photographic evidence on his phone.

The first time DD (2) said she didn't love me:

Me: I love you, DD
DD: I don't love you! I love Daddy! And I love my brother! And I love Nana and Granddad! And I love this restaurant! And I love my balloon! But I don't love you!
Me:

I am so relived to know that it is (almost) normal to cut your baby's finger instead of their nail. It only make me feel 50% better though. Every time I cut LO's nails he screams so I managed to snip a mini slice off both his thumb and the tip of his index finger before I realised what was going on .

I read him his favourite story to calm him down, which he managed to get a bit of blood on so we have a permanant reminder of that day.

First wee on annoying HV's diary- 8 months. October 10 a very damp day in some quarters!

ROFL at all of these, but especially FeralGirl. Go the Cornish sproglings and their unruly willies!

Frankncock, the time that my mother 'wok'd' my DD when she was a baby tends to spring mind when thinking about you question. I never imaged or knew (for ovious reasons) you could 'wok' someone untill DD was became a victim of 'wok-ing'.

My loopy mother was in her kitched playingn with DD, who was having a good time until mum did that popluar/coomon that loads of people do, throwing the baby very very slightly in the air then catching them.

DD was laughing so much , I gess she was having a fun time. Unfortnatluy mum walked of to the end of the kitchen where pans/pots hang from those things from the ceiling, she must of misjudged the 'height' of the gentle throw as the next thing DD was screaming. Poor dd....my mum had just 'wok-ed' my child.Mum was mortified , as was I and DD. Needless to say , my mother has since been banned from such things and the 'look' DD gave my mum immendately after eposide as if to say; "WTH did you do that for...."

My DP excelled himself getting drunk till 4am with my Dad, coming to bed and waking me up unable to shut the window blind. Shouted at me when I said I wasn't going to help as we knew that when it was snagged in this way only he could undo it - which he couldn't as he was too drunk. His shouting woke DD who i then went to settle, when i returned DP had passed out in the middle of the bed and i couldn't move him. Next morning he was full of apologies and was taking care of 9mth old whilst I showered. Sudden screaming. He had let newly crawling DD move onto marble and she had fallen forward onto her head. She had her first bruise. This happened today.

first trip to a&e @2 DAYS old vomitted blood which turned out to be cracked nipples, which i had checked but not spotted.

first escape from highchair and straps result,first fall from computer desk, first call out of ambulance, first Xrays but no broken bone

first vomit on the new carpet

first time of using poo as play doh, feeding it to the toy dolphin and smearing it over the not so new carpet

first poo in the bath,

first poo in the bath on me

first wee in daddys face/hair, will he listen when you tell him to cover his willy, no they have to learn the hard way!

first time dd weed in a toy fryingpan and it overflowed whilst dh was "watching" dd

too many to mention (okay, trying hard to forget
dd1 first A&E visit after she 'helped' mummy close the stair gate, pushed it straight through and tumbled all the way down the stairs on to the tiled hallway, aged 20 mths
dd1 trying to get something out of cutlery drawer while sitting on work top and going down head first on to quarry tiled kitchen floor...
dd1 dancing in the kitchen and slipping on an acorn collected from the park earlier that day,and hitting the corner of Victorian skirting board with her forehead...

there seems to be a head injury thread here - all within about 6 months... she has been fine since and seems reasonably lucid most of the time... Luckily no serious injuries yet for dd1 (9 mths)

More benign... first chocolate button: dd1 aged 2.6, dd2 aged 8 mths So much for second babies...

First broken bone (youngest DD, earlier this year)

First bike rear-wheel skid that ended up with same DD at hospital...

First really nasty tummy bug (I don't remember ever having them so was completely panic stricken...and experienced this with twins who caught the bug on the same night)

First time DD escaped from the buggy straps and tipped it over backwards (!) luckily ok

First experience of headlice (ugh)

First threat from DS aged 4..."If you don't do what I say I'm leaving this family!"
Unfortunately MIL and I just laughed, which rather took the wind out of his sails!

First nightmare horror ferry trip with DCs...huge waves, all 3 vomited on cue, and spent the rest of the time with their faces in sick-bags like little ponies...

First time DD did a wee on me in public (we were on a train

First time the little petted bottom lip slowly rolls out and they start to cry - I never realised this really happens and can't remember at how many months old but it is soooooooooooo heartbreakingly cute (as long as they aren't crying at anything bad of course!)

It's just the way it rolls out like a rollerblind (?!?) and you just know a WAAAAAAAH is on it's way. Then it disappears and they never do it again but the full on tantrums aint far behind!

First hysterical trip to A&E with new born, leading to....

First (and hopefully last) paediatrician's evil look which I knew she reserved for morons worried mothers and mentally put me on a list of munchhausen by proxy suspect, weirdos.

First free-fall/ no-nappy poo: luckily I had my foot on the peddle bin and DS's poo arched nicely in.

First baby projectile vomit, leading to... first 'find the noxious substance': saw said vomit leave DS's mouth at a million miles an hour, reached for cloth, where had it gone? Low and behold: DS's top pocket.

And now we know why they put pockets on baby clothes

First major poo-leak on public transport... followed by full change of clothes and nappy on our laps (thank god there were two of us) - DD 4 months (it was a train)

First time DS1 uttered a recognisable word. Driving along a country lane, another vehicle passed us on the other side. "Car," he said. I was so excited, but wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly. Then it happened again. "Car," he said. And again. "No, that's a van," I said. "Van," he repeated. He was able to spot the difference and correctly identified cars and vans.

Got a bit more complicated with other vehicles.

"Lorry," I said. "Nanu," he repeated.

"Landrover," I said. "Nova nova," he repeated.

Can't begin to spell the weird utterance he made for 'tractor'.

First (and only) time dh left in charge of dd at service station with friends. Too busy talking sport with his mate to notice that dd had fled the scene and was in the shop by the door to a service station on the m6. She was 18 months, I was having a wee stop and dh was meant to be holding her but put her down so she could have a run around , the thoughts that went through my head at the time - out onto the road on her own, someone taking her......Divorce was mentioned. Since then she has come to the loo with me.

(DD could only have been further away if she had gone up the steps to services on the other side of the motorway.)

One "first time" that I won't forget in a hurry is when both DS's were in our bed early one morning playing/chatting when DS2 (age 2) launched himself backwards and straight onto my face (I was lying down in the bed) and fractured my nose!!

ooohh too many horrendous memories all involving my two ds bums and willies.

Ds1-peeing in park-'look mummy amt I clever' (shock)

In the pet food shop, hearing the proverbial "uh-ohh mummy" turning round and seeing steam resonating from Ds1 trousers.

On holiday and hearing Ds1 chant " nanannanana" as he moons them, (they had just arrived that morning, maybe he was welcoming them!!)

And lastly, Dp explaining very proudly that he had taught Ds2(18mths) to trump on command!!

Like the idea of an alternative baby first book!

marriednotdead - sounds like a very difficult question !

I can't remember my exact response but it was followed by 'I know you have been reading magazine problem pages and I told you not to'

ooh I'm a parent now and can join in some of these!

first A&E trip was at 3 days old when he was jaundiced and had low blood sugar and wouldn't wake to feed
first major poo leak on public transport was yesterday on a train from Leeds to London on my own with him (he's 3 months) - and the baby changing cubicle was out of order... had already changed one nappy on the floor in the vestibule, but had to ask the guard on this one who took me all the way through first class with poo practically dripping through my fingers to the baby change toilet there.

oooh, pmsl - ohhh such fond memories

first poo on the carpet (please don't tell me it's just my lot who have done it?)

playing with "Happyland" and the farmer tells the fireman to 'piss off'

First time your little darling tells the grandparents what Daddy said when someone drove out of the side road in front of him

first time they eat someone else's lunch or biscuit as well as their own...

OP - my ds2, aged 23mo at the time, got lost in Meadowhall shopping centre, in Next to be precise. He'd decided to climb out of the car-thing that we'd hired to push him round in supposedly to entertain him, and next thing, gone.

Me : almost hysterical, running round the shop like a loon, they put three staff on the doors and stopped anyone going in or out.
Him : trots about for a bit, then decided to take himself round the back of the cash desk (realising they couldn't see him from the front) and said "I've got out of the little car but I really need to find my mummy back now". Said shop assistant picks him up, he points me out, job done.