Those 'Firsts' you don't write in the baby book. . .

[FranknCock]

First steps, first words, first haircuts, great baby book fodder.

Today, DS (14mo) had another first that I won't write in the book:

In Mothercare, took DS out of pushchair to try something on him. He started walking a month ago and now wants to walk all the time, so I let him stay out and toddle (wasn't busy in there). Turned my head for a few seconds to look at something, looked back and he was gone!

Cue mad dash around area in a wild panic, mind thinking the worst, 'there's no one in here, how could he have been taken?'. After an eternity (15 seconds), spotted his arse sticking out from under a clothing rack where he was hiding, not two feet from where I'd been.

So, first time lost in a shop: 21 October 2010

And I can't remember the exact date, but we had a 'First shit in the bath' a few months ago.

Other 'Firsts' you'd like to forget? Confess them here!

The first time they say (dd at 2) on seeing a lady get on the bus in a leopard print coat 'Look mummy, why is that lady wearing a tiger?'

"first time they say fuck angry: ds, aged 11.2 - grounded for a week grin"

Mine said this at 14 months. I was mortified.

She also at 14 months shouted "mummy I want 'tit' NOW!" in the car-park

We try to swear less (but she's clever and knows when something is verboten no matter how rarely it slips out) and I managed to swerve 'tit' (she must have heard me moaning to my husband about sore tits as I had mastitis at about 11 months) into 'booby'.

The 'fuck' (she says this and 'pissflaps' and 'bumholes' quite a lot) I made her stand in front of a mirror and told her to say it and see how she looks and that it's a bad word frustrated adults use. She's too young to get this at 2 year's old but I hope she'll sense that I'm trying to show her it's bad, rather than shout at her that it's bad.

me too. Her vocabulary is extensive at thousands of words and she speaks like a 4 year old with a bit of 40-year old docker thrown in.

At the newborn stage - first time they headbutt you.

Preschooler - first time they tell on you. ("Look Daddy, this is where Mummy went bump with the car into the... What's the square thing called Mummy? Pillar, Mummy went bump into the pillar" )

First time you have to take them to A&E and have to explain

for DD1 : that she had put her dads keys in the plug

For Ds2 : that while teaching DD1 to cycle, DH accidentally banged his forhead with the bike and cut it quite deeply.

for DS3 : that I tripped and fell on him (he was 3 month old on a sling)

Thanks God DD4 never had anything happening to her! Really hope it stayes that way!

stays as well!

Sounds normal Gory. I managed to dislocate dd's elbow - accidentally - (oh that could have been another first) and the doc just said "we don't worry about the ones who tell us they actually did it"

First poo in the bath here last week. I thought DD had drowned or something terrible the way OH was shouting for me. Never ran up the stairs so fast, I was GLAD it was just a poo!!!

First time the dog realised DD was a person. She was sat in her bumbo on the floor eating a rice cake, he strolled past, suddenly stopped, sat down in front of her and gave her a paw! He was most pissed off when she shoved the whole rice cake in her mouth and he got none!

PMSL at makingamess's dead lady!!

First time dd flipped her car seat upside down on the kitchen floor (4m)
First time having to tell dh we are at A&E [panic emoticon] (16m)
First time you lose your temper and really yell at them then cry & cuddle them sorry

First time they do a wee on the carpet and jump up and down happily shouting, "Yay, Mummy, done a wee wee!" and then can't understand why you're not happy too.

First time they shout, "Move you bastard!" when they're trying to move a toy and it wont go (picked up from Daddy, trying to do DIY in the bathroom.)

First time they swing the cat around by the tail, "Look Mummy, funny cat!"

onceamai did that to my DD as well and again a week later !! noboby warned me that it could come out again . Ah well back to A&E then with a shifty smile.

Sugarmuppet, that is brilliant about the dog realising DD is a person!

First lie: while trying to climb onto the table to reach a very sharp knife - 'Is mine, daddy! Mummy gave it!'

First time they get their bits out in public - 'Mummy, I've got Builder's Willy!' in the middle of Tesco's.

First time you're ushered aside at nursery pickup with the immortal words 'There's been An Incident....'

First swear-word, when we went to pick blackberries and they weren't ripe: 'Oh. We're f*cked, then!' This was also one of his first sentences, so he can't have been much older than 18 months :blush:

Spluttering all over keyboard at these [hgrin]

I can add:

• First trip to A&E - DS at 11mths
• First kitten vs 4 yr old incident - DD just after she started big school, her arms and face were scratched to bits
• First cat in dolls clothes incident - DD at 4, cat much more laid-back than above, just looked so pissed off
• First broken bone (leg) - DS at 3 after doing acrobatics with DH
• Second broken bone (wrist) - DS at 4,

Spot the pattern here anyone?

DS nearly 5 now and at big school, have warned them that I am prepared for the inevitable 'can we meet you at A&E' phone-call [hhmm]

First poo on the floor...

14/10/2010. DD was naked on bathroom floor while I filled her bath. She had been playing with bathtoys and suddenly went quiet.

Then there was a smell....

I turned around to see her putting her hands in a massive turd which had been dragged across the floor (she is a bumshuffler).

Cue shouting from me: "don't move - Don't touch - don't put your hand in your mouth" etc.

I had no wipes in bathroom so had to grab remainder of poo with loo roll and put in toilet and tiptoe around rest holding DD at arms lenght to her room for wipes.

As soon as I put her on the changing mat, she proceeded to wee everywhere and it ran over onto floor - obviously carrying bits of remaining poo with it.

Eventually made it into bathroom, put her in bath and wiped up poo from floor.

And when I looked up over edge of bath she had pooed again in the bath.

Cue more screams from me of "don't touch" etc etc.

Argh so manky.

This is hilarious

First time you get smacked in the mouth with a nice full sippy cup of milk, remember that one.

First time they succeed in removing their nappy but don't feel the need to mention it cos it's far too much fun smearing the contents all over things that can't go in the washing machine.

First time everyone has infarctions because THE cuddly toy they can't sleep/eat/breathe without has gone AWOL - cue me walking up and down a very busy road squinting into bushes in case said toy had somehow been blown down the drive and into the road! It was, of course, hiding in the bin. Of course.

Oh and the first time it's gone quiet and everyone's happily minding their own business safe in the knowledge that DH/SD/MIL is keeping an eye on the child, til you realise DH, SD & MIL are all thinking that too, at which point you all scramble to find the child, who is contentedly playing with something innocent but bursts into tears as four adults burst in on them all shrieking 'oh thank god' etc

I want a Dark-side Baby Book! We have two normal ones, given as presents, but they remain unfilled-in as they bore me......

DS (2yo) had his first proper erection last week. He walked around trying it for size against all his toys and finding things into which he could push it.

I'm not really expecting him to ever grow out of this behaviour, no man I've ever met has.

Def think there's a market for a dark-side baby book btw. I'd have one.

First lie yesterday. Wandered into living room chewing a biscuit.

Me - What are you eating?
Her - Nothing (clamps mouth shut)

Ah, the firsts of potty-training. First time you take them on public transport without their nappy.

agree first time they fall off of bed
first time they pooh in bath
first time they hit u