Those 'Firsts' you don't write in the baby book. . .

[FranknCock]

First steps, first words, first haircuts, great baby book fodder.

Today, DS (14mo) had another first that I won't write in the book:

In Mothercare, took DS out of pushchair to try something on him. He started walking a month ago and now wants to walk all the time, so I let him stay out and toddle (wasn't busy in there). Turned my head for a few seconds to look at something, looked back and he was gone!

Cue mad dash around area in a wild panic, mind thinking the worst, 'there's no one in here, how could he have been taken?'. After an eternity (15 seconds), spotted his arse sticking out from under a clothing rack where he was hiding, not two feet from where I'd been.

So, first time lost in a shop: 21 October 2010

And I can't remember the exact date, but we had a 'First shit in the bath' a few months ago.

Other 'Firsts' you'd like to forget? Confess them here!

[worm77daisy]

The poos stick in my mind...

First catching of poo in hands whilst getting DD read for bath... First running up the hall whilst DD doing a poo in pieces all over carpet and giggling... first poo on husband whilst having a lovely bath with baby DD...

[NonnoMum]

Another toilet training one here...

First, after a week of being dry and getting on really well, and a day out in public where I was on stand-by all day,

and then, get in the house, sit down on sofa with dd2 on knee, and relax...

and I get peed all over...

At least it was warm...

[smokinpumpkins]

First poo smear incident
First bite of another child
First full blown tantrum in public (laying on floor, kicking and screaming)
First rush to hospital at 2am
First accident needing stitches
First time going missing in public
First time running off and straight across a road (this was last week at the school and scared the shit out of me completely, thank god for aware drivers at schools)

[lobsters]

First time they merrily pass 20 mins or so laying down and rubbing themselves up against they're favourite cuddly toy in front of the grandparents

[drippingwithbloodandbraingoo]

First time you hear 'I can't get this raisin out of my nose mummy'
First time they dial 999 by accident
First time they discover they can open the front door by themselves and escape up the road
First time they work out how hilarious it can be to embarrass you in public 'mummy has very hairy armpits' to everyone in waitrose [hblush]

[bilblio]

First time they trump and follow through slightly whilst knickerless.
That'll be today, she was sat with me in the armchair and thankfully on a magazine.
It took me a while to realise why she kept saying "Don't look Mummy" I thought she meant at the magazine she was reading, until she said "Don't look at the poo Mummy." "What Poo?!"

Others,
First time she projectile poo'd up me - 5am about 6 weeks old, just as I lifted her legs to clean her bum.

First time she projectile vomited down me - 3 months old in a motorway service station.

First time she projectile vomited and I caught it in my hands - 20 months old when we all caught D&V from a kid at Time for a Rhyme. (My first ever bout of D&V too.)

First poo up the back and down to the ankles when we didn't have a change of clothes was a couple of days later when we thought we were all okay so decided to go the supermarket.

First nosebleed - last month after bouncing on the bed and headbutting the wooden side.
Second nosebleed 2 days later when she decided she was a baby and needed carrying. She didn't inform me of this and she went face first onto the tiled bathroom floor.

[MakingAMess]

First time they walk past a none-to-well looking lady being pushed in a wheelchair by two carers and announce (at full volume) 'that is a dead lady'. like taking a corpse for a walk is an everyday occurrence!

[APixieInMyTea]

First time they get hold of a tin of paint, get the lid off and proceed to paint themselves, the 4month old cream carpet, the curtains, coffee table, sofa and my iPhone in lovely dark purple paint!

In case you never guessed we had to put in a rather large insurance claim today!

[anonymosity]

Not baby, but first new word upon starting a new preschool:

"piss"

!?!

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

first time they realise they can get a poo from their nappy and draw with it on the new cream carpet...
leads on to first time I run down the street at 7am in my nighty to pick up a bissell carpet cleaner from my friend!

I am totally loving the idea of a dark side baby book,, whoever suggested it needs to go to the dragons and get it made

[MrsJessRabinovitch]

LOL WingDad - I just asked DH was he moonlighting on mumsnet cos our DS2 (3) was found ramming delicately offering DS3 choc buttons when he was 3 months old....he is 5 months old now & we are just weaning him -he is not too impressed with pureed butternut squash reckon he would prefer DS2 to wean him [hgrin]!!!

First time DS1 said to DS2 I am so not your brother anymore!

The first time the teacher had to pull me to one side to have a quiet word cos DS1 had been caught fighting in the yard....HE'S ONLY 4! Wtf!!!! Am now convinced we have the next Tyson on our hands despite protestations from DH that I am being irrational & it was a one-off!!!

The first time DS2 covered his beautiful little dimpled face in my black nail polish....that was today and he has been sent to bed with some still on as we ran out of remover [hblush]-we have also had lots of sudocrem incidents!

First time DS2 realised he could post things out of the letterbox as well as in-toys, spoons, tampons!!! First time DS2 tried to wipe his own bum and realised he could "do poo patterns" on the floor - he was so pleased with the results [hshock]!

First time DS2 wet toilet paper and realised it stuck to walls, floors, cupboards really well...........anyone noticing DS2 seems to be the common denominator in lots of these tales of woe!

[bilblio]

First time they find and unwrap an entire packet of tampons and scatter them around the living room (9 months)

First time they're old enough to ask you what the tampons are for. I can't remember but I couldn't help giggling at the poor woman I overheard in the next cubicle in a service station toilet a while ago. She was trying desperately to avoid the question in so public a place.

[onceamai]

Lest I forget and to add to my earlier list:

First remote or mobile down toilet
First nits
First worms
First Veet depilation for DD
First time you leave them home alone

[MakingAMess]

on the weaning of second born by first born - DS can probably rival Wingdad / MJR's DCs. DD born at home at 1130am; DS (then aged 2) went to a birthday party that afternoon. Came home and ran in with packet of frazzles from his party bag and shoved one straight in DD's mouth (approx 5 hours old at this point), saying 'you try crispy?'

[bran]

First time they wee out the window onto a downstairs neighbour.

First time they disappear on a freezing night and you have to call the police out.

On the positive side, neither of mine have ever poo'd in the bath.

[SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood]

first amusing trip to A&E (ours was raisin up the nose)
first time they answer they door when you're on the loo (and your loo faces the front door

[SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood]

first tiem they realise they can take off own nappy and look so pleased with themselves :o

[NonnoMum]

And another,

first time of eating the bread that had been thrown out for the birds...

That was today. Picking up stale bread of a very soggy lawn...

[marriednotdead]

First time they wallpaper the toilet seat lid with an entire pack of Always.

First time they ask you a question you really don't want to answer- DD (then aged 10)- Mum, what's an orgasm?

No bath poos here either bran

[peasantgoneroundthebend4]

Sorry for me when was ds1 the first black treacle super glue pooh in like nobody told me about this while trying to wipe treachle with baby wipe and moved wipe and pooh was like long bit of string that broke flung back on said ds1 arse and the bed where was changing him

And was not like a novice as had dine fair amount of baby sitting and nappy changes

[CreepySutherland]

The first time they notice people have different skin colour.

I'd definitely second the first time they point out someones disability. (DS1; LOOK, TEENY-TINY LADY!/ PENGUIN MAN!/ LOST A LIMB! etc etc.) He is 2 and quite observant.

[Ryuk]

looks at bump suspiciously


...mine will be angelic. I have decided. [hsmile]