so................... do you have a child rearing philosophy then?

[zippitippitoes]

It's something I've never considered, so I've muddled through on a bunch of rationales gained from my own experience of life, things I've read..not particularly child care manuals...and no research papers that I can think of at the moment..did some education theory and psychology study at one time but not for the purpose of working out how to raise my kids...

So, do you have subjective opinions about child rearing or have you got evidence you are doing things right?

.

I just tend to go with the flow, have picked bits of advice from all quarters that I happen to agree with/find useful...parents/in laws/friends/books/HV's etc and obviously MN...no rigid "philiosophy" just common sense and instinct and the flexibility/ability to admit that my first choice may not be right!

Zippi, IMHO all parents raise their children in a way which is right for the individual. In turn that makes all parents bloody perfect in my eyes.

I treat my children with respect and always say please and thank you to them. I give them choices (ie. are you tidying your room now or in half an hour) , rules can be broken in extreme circumstances, I am not always right (although they dont always know this). Now they are older I do treat them less like small children and value their opinions

What,even ones that ignore their children,posting on here all day?

Like myself?

I have a philososphy of benign neglect - but then I am naturally slefish and self centred!

I have a theory that older parents are either ultra relaxed or ultra papanoid. We definitely fall in to the former camp.

I also don't agree with stair gates, baby monitors and picking up a child every time it cries. I used a dummy for the first 6 months and then took it away from them. I don't like seeing dummies on older children - but do tell myself that I shouldn't judge others.

And ds learnt to go up and down stairs safely at a very young age, and is very confident physically. He is also a happy, confident and self sufficient child, who slept through from an early age.

But those are just my opinions - and what worked for our child. Other people will have equally valid opinions about what is right for their children.

Dropinthe
yeah even those that leae their rugrats to play alone. they are doing whats best for their children therefore they are great parents.

Like it, V x

I try and make sure dd has lots of fun - a balance between tv, playing out, playing with me, alone or with friends.

I ignore her if she whinges or demands attention, but otherwise give her lots.

Agree with prettybird re. stairgates, monitors and picking up babies all the time.
I am very much an 'Each to their own' in terms of what other people do with their kids and I have a wide circle of great friends and 3 siblings all with kids who do things very very differently ... I try very hard not to judge (but do have a problem with people who smoke around small children).
My personal philosophy re. babies ...
I am pro-routine
Not into co-sleeping
Not into attachment parenting (slings and all that ... my babies were far too bloody heavy for that - nearly did my back in with DD in a sling when she was only 6 weeks old)
I simply couldn't go about my day constantly holding my babies (with DS I worked and with DD I had DS to deal with) ... so after feed, nappy, cuddle etc they were put down on the floor or in a chair until they needed me ... they were perfectly happy that way. In fact DS used to cry more if I carted him around ... he wanted to be left alone!
I enjoyed breastfeeding my DD, couldn't do it for long with DS ... don't have a problem with anyone who chooses to bottlefeed ... each to their own IMO like I said. I know they say breast is best but tbh my healthiest child is the one that was bottlefed ...
Can't think of anything else right now ...
In terms of discipline etc for toddlers and older children ... ask me in 15 years time - at the moment I am flying by the seat of my pants with that!!!!

It's much easier now to find out where you stand in relation to the consensus on bringing up children than it used to be, not least through sites like this...

and programmes like Supernanny

and there is access to much more information and data that ordinary parents wouldn't formerly have access to

so will we end up feeling pressurised into a homgenised mass. not daring to do anything different

for fear of social disapproval

unles we've researched

for example the correct/optimum bedtime, mealtime, social balance etc

I'm intrigued also by the almost(?)universal acceptance of the naughty step
since it has featured on TV

although it was in the nanny's handbook for many years I don't think it was so commonly used by parents

i thought nanny's would use a structured approach that maybe parents would find too inflexible

Don't sweat over the small stuff.

Ignore the bad, praise the good.
Pick your battles.
Don't get smug, next week the biter/tantrumer/pain in the arse could be your child.
Ranting 'it's a phase' over and over can work.
Ditto counting to 10.

I just bungle through.

this book makes a lot of sense IMHO
btw Vaunda I could not disagree with you more about all parents being bloody perfect and raising their children in the right way. nice comforting thought but utter balls, IME. (Not a dig at you btw, but a general observation.)

Don't get smug is i think very useful to bear in mind

what works one day/week/month

doesn't necessarily stay working

or even work for another child

Harpi

It does look interesting..

So, who actually has TIME to have a bloody philosophy?-I have opinions, is that what you mean?

Vaunda

Some parents actually destroy their children's self-confidence and self-respect through their actions. Some parents raise children with no respect for authority. Some parents raise children with no ambition to make their own lives. Not all parents are bloody perfect. In fact no parent is bloody perfect.

My philosophy is to do the best I can to allow my children a happy and healthy and productive childhood, to learn self-respect and respect of others. We do this in the hope they can find their own ways to an adulthood they are happy with.

Apart from that I agree wholeheartedly with Prettybird and OliveOil

I agree with Philip Larkin

Perhaps parents fall into two categories

pragmatists and idealists

well obviously there are a few others

That'll be me then!

1. Keep your sense of humour

2. Take each day as it comes. 3. Trying too hard is almost as bad as not trying hard enough. 4. Be prepared to change your plans. 5. Being a parent is a learning experience.

lol hcc not a bit bitter was he PL.

Have to say one of my main philosophies is Your children WILL be embarrassed by you at some stage or other regardless so you might as well have fun doing it as not