How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Jump right in I dare you!!

Only read it all if you have 2 hours to spare!!

poor punctuation for such an earnestly well-read household methinks

jump right in and join the witch hunt. V Is proud of her mothering skills, not my cup of tea but I think shes been given quite a hard time. I dont actually agree with her theories but then again she probably wouldnt agree with mine.

Such a pity this seems to have gone so haywire. As it is such a very good question.

Leapfrogging all the haywirety, here's my take:

• dd aged nearly five interacts like fizzy water fizzes - it's non-stop, she can't help it, it's how she's made. But it means she has no idea how to handle her own company, and I think it's my job to help her - so I very actively encourage her to work out her own questions, have some independent play time, not always to have someone's ear; BUT

• ds aged six and a half is almost too happy with his own company, and has a bit of speech difficulty which means that anything he wants to say takes ages and comes out garbled. My job with him is the direct opposite: it's to stop and carefully listen & respond every single time he makes the effort to say something. Never ever ignore.

So: it isn't necessarily about adults' own preferences - it can depend enormously on the children concerned.

This posting will probably sink like a boot since it's all uncontroversial. Glug glug glug ...

Blimey is this thread still going? Can we talk about formula milk advertising on it?

Right;
Check; Tea?
Check; Time?
Check;Kids asleep?

Affirmative-TIME TO READ THIS BLOODY THREAD AT LAST!!

Been wanting to all day!

I don't think I answered the OPs question...

DS1 is 4.10 and he gets ignored when he's doing something wrong, as a punishment (so 23 hours a day, lol). He likes playing alone in his room occasionally (maybe an hour a day) and when he's with his friends or playing in the garden he doesn't need my attention. He knows that if I or his dad are talking to another adult he is not to interrupt and will usually amuse himself.

dd is 2.11 and doesn't ever stop talking. She has a 'thinking chair' where we try to ignore her, but she doesn't stay there so we end up giving her attention to get her to sit still. She likes to play in the garden with her friends or siblings, but isn't allowed to play alone upstairs that often.

ds2, bless him, is 21m and plays alone for quite long periods. He doesn't interact as much with his siblings or their friends as he's too little, but loves playing in the garden and running around, where he won't need my attention.

All three of my children enjoy the company of each other, adults and other children and also being alone (though dd less keen on playing alone but she will occasionally).

I cant believe this is still going on....well done LAVaunda.

One of my friends, who had children before me, has a son who has been brought up thinking his conversation and his wishes will come first. This is largely because his mum always broke off whatever she was doing or saying to give him her full attention.

She never used the phrase "just a minute"

For four years, I never had one conversation with her that wasn't interrupted (and often the whole thread of the conversation was subsequently lost). I got to the point I didn't really want to phone her or go around to her house because her son was just constantly whinging/showing off. He used to stand between us so we couldn't see each others' faces while we were talking (cue another conversation disintegrating)

In the end, I got so tired of the whole thing, I ended up telling off myself...and now she does the same, using exactly the same words I did

I like the "thinking chair" idea, that's good.

"Just a minute" doesn't work with us, as they then forget what they were going to say and are miserable - cue much worse interruption. Somewhere I saw an idea of instead asking them to give you two cue words (eg "new teacher") which you can give back to them when it's their turn - I've been using that.

are we really going back to the original question?

In that case, I ignore mine most of the time. I get strange looks at m&t group for ignoring them. But my kids are all doing well, they have the manners not to interupt adults, and the independance to entertain themselves. They certainly NEVER join in adult conversations. It drives me nuts when I'm trying to talk to a friend and their ds needs everythign reiterated at their level. So they are wonderfully innocent and I want to keep them that way for a good while yet. They also get plently of quality time, and loads of outings out. I don't do a lot of playing with toys as it bores me stiff, but I mess about with them lots too.

Helloo Issymum
How's tiny dd in uniform?

Our tea is going to be late it's taken me that long to read this bloomin thread!

And I have totally ignored my ds's whilst I was doing it.

Wow - I am speechless

I last posted ar 4.29 and it taken me until now to finish this bar a break for 10 minutes.
I'm too stunned to speak!

That's only 50 minutes dropinthe, you must be a quick reader, lol

well I haven't read it all - that blue bar is moving up the side FAR too slowly!

There's a novel in this thread if someone can just tie it all together.

I noted some ,,,,,, which are familiar somehow!

delurking briefly<
I think she's possibly for real if a little unusual (also doesn't strike me as english) in which case, poor thing at this thread.
Or else its a v clever mner winding us up, more in the style of American Angle than Lav.

I skimmed alot of the stuff really as didn't want to get drawn into the "Dark side of the Force" that is the all too familiar lynching brigade of MN!

I know the Silver Buckle in Camberwell!

Why would you even WANT to go in there? To get shot or stabbed? Camberwell is NOT a nice place,even in daylight.

dropinthe why do people go into lynching mode on some people and not others..it makes me think of stepford

You have to remember that some mnetters have been on here alot longer than others and have seen alot of strange things going on-much attention seeking/stirring/accusing/lying-...

am trying to justify it here but actually....CAN'T!

Stepford is an accurate description of this thread!

Re Silver Buckle Q-I'm just curious about Vaunda's choice of venue-with all that has been happening in Camberwell in the past year,I only ever go there out of necessity-straight into Somerfield and quickly back home again-I stay away from the McDonalds side of town.!

I just can't see why vaunda has had everything she says picked apart so much for mn being inclusive..I've been here nearly two years and i don't see that it's very kind...