How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Frogs my son knows nothing of beastiality so i am ok there then

Vaunda-Personally I dont think young children need exposure to the realities of the big bad world, DS1 is almost 12 and I still censor what he watches on tv and I certainly wouldnt let my younger 2 watch the news or discuss rape/death etc in a gritty way, BUT I absolutely take my hat off to you for your absolute refusal to rise to the bait here and am stunned at your ability to remain so civil-Very impressed

( and i cant stand it whne kids come out nad try and get involve din adults converstions when you are trying to gossip abotu pople s sex lives)

sorry vaunda but i htink oyur mate was taking ht puiss when he invited him to a 40th party

Yes, The frogster has hit the nail on the proverbial again.

So far I haven't had to worry about the "watching the news" issue and it hasn't even occurred to me until now. Isn't the 6pm News different to the 10pm News? I don't think I'd stop a child watching the 6pm but I may be deluded as its all changed since I was a gel!

and kids do need to knwo their place sometimes.

I htink you are engouraging him not to get on with kid s his age whi ch will alienate him form othere when you are boring him

Sorry but I am laughing at MI's parents monster story, hahaha! Frogs, good post.

Steffe right author wrong book. The book i have in my hands right now is 64 pages long and was not published until 1995

Don't worry QoQ! I agree with you anyway. Just that you can take a good thing too far...

Now that's where we differ. That is lying to him. You can't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to him - no-one can. That is precisely why I try and shelter my two boys (8 and almost 4) from the horrors of the world. It broke my heart when ds1, who is a very bright and sensitive little boy, finally began to understand the implications of dying. He begged me to promise him I wouldn't die - and of course I couldn't do that. I hedged round it with vague promises of "oh, not for a long time...when you're a very very old man and you don't need me any more..." but how can you reassure your child, if you expose them to the news etc., that nothing will ever happen to him? He's bright - he's not going to fall for that for long.

Ds1 was 4 when the World Trade Centre was destroyed - I tried so hard to shield him from knowing anything about it. I couldn't make sense of it - so how could a 4 year old?

In some ways, I do see where you are coming from. I think first children are often more comfortable around adults than their peers - ds1 was too. He found it very hard to adjust when he started at nursery - he was used to being around adults, who played with him, talked to him, helped him to do things. He always played in a very 'organised' way - setting up a train set, building towers with blocks, and in these things he was encouraged by adults. He was bewildered and upset when he came into contact with other children who knocked down his towers, or kicked his carefully laid train tracks aside - it was very hard for him. Ds2 has no such problems because he has been around other children, and their rough and tumble (or wanton destruction!) since birth.

I think when you have another baby (you mentioned you were hoping to) you will find it all very different to having Karl - and possibly a lot less intense.

I do think it's very sad to expose your child to all the terrors of the world at such a young age. I want my children to remain 'innocent' for as long as possible - I want them to be immature, and childish, and to enjoy the company of other immature and childish children.

Toothfairy?

itsallrelative, I was just thinking the same thing - Vaunda's parenting style may be 'unusual' but I am totally impressed by the way she has defended it. Anyone else would have told us all to F off and mind our own business by now

acc to ds2 " ther are no burglars in england"
eh think s our road is england

(Just wanted to get Santa and the Toothfairy into a thread that also mentions bestiality)

I like moo's post.

Probably this one . Also for key stages three/four.

itsallrelative.
i can remain calm and not raise to the bait, you see all people adults and children are individuals and we have to treat children as such. No 2 children are the same. one child may be excellent at footy another at tennis while another still may be interested in world events you catch my drift lol.
I do not make my son anything that he isn't already. He leads the way for his knowledge I. well I simply follow through.

I have just been on a course which was in a venue we hared with lots of very very odd people. Some of those people struck me as having been this sort of child, and one of them was even roaming the corridors naked!

i tell horrific lies

"don't put your hand in there, the crocadile will bite it off"

"Don't touch that, it's got dog poo on it!"

"if you run into the road without mummy a car will hit you and you will be hurt, and you will bleed and cry!!!"

Marthamoo, but no bad is going to come to him while I am with him if i am safe then of course he is safe. I don;t just say "there there sweetheart settle now nothing bad will happen"
I explain that if he and I are careful in certain situations then we will be safe and no bad will come to him. Not lying just explaing things to him

This has been fascinating-exactly why I joined mumsnet! Good luck with your unusual little boy Vaunda and hope you soon have that addition to your family

In some situations being careful isn't enough though

marthamoo - had exactly the same conversation with my ds. He still occasionally talks about it, and it is hard to provide reassurance, especially as we are aethiests. My neice died recently, and it was quite traumatic for our two (6 and just 5). My dd was very worried about the coffin in particular, and the fact that everyone was very upset worried her too. I decided against taking them to visit my neice when she was in hospital (as my mother did with me when my cousin was at GOS with leukemia when I was about 10 - she thought the equipment would scare me) and didn't let them see her when she was "lying in state" before the funeral. My SIL had nightmares after seeing her mother, and she was in her 30's no way was I going to risk that with my little ones.

As an example, I was wlking through a market in Tunisia with my parents (who were safe and careful and therefore I should have been safe) and in the blink of an eye I'd been whisked into a shop. Nothing happened to me but it just proves (at least to me) that it's simply not true that if you are careful you'll be safe.