How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Queenofquotes...
the book is called

TERRORISM
WRITTEN BY ALISON JAMIESON
PUBLISHED BY WAYLAND
FIRST PUBLISHED IN 1995
AND IS PART OF THE GLOBAL ISSUES SERIES.

Who is mother?

I honestly can't work out if you are for real, Vaunda.

Nooka he has never wandered off and since watching about that event he has been more aware of what is going on around him and becomes quite concerned when he see's a 4 yr old child on our estate wandering around alone.

Karl is sometimes out o my sight when he is at school.... but my mum is there in the building. As i said he has a condition which makes him pass out without any warning o he needs to be watched. last thing i want is him to pass out and smash his head on a concrete floor. What a nasty mother i am for that eh?

Sorry Vaunda, I hope I don't offend you, I don't mean this nastily but you sound a bit like a robot, like someone who's been brainwashed. How do you know your parents never lied to you?

Ah, well now I feel I have to say something I think that your reasoning is fine QoQ, and I can understand where you are coming from. But I'd prefer to tell my children in my own way - you can never quite tell what sort of images are going to appear on the news, and my dd in particular is prone to getting very upset about things. So we have told them about the bombs for example, as they may well hear about them (we live in London) but as we travel by tube frequently, and it's something they enjoy, I don't want them to be worried (and I certainly don't want dd to be afraid as I'd have major problems reassuring her, once she's got an idea in her head it takes ages to get it out)

Moi, Scummy.

Children do sort, and narrate, the world in a different way from adults, I think. When I was eight I spent a good whack of time frightened that monsters had eaten my parents and were living in their skins and looking at me out of their eyes.

And no, they didn't know this (I mean, you wouldn't tell monsters, would you?) and never knew afterwards either.

I was a rather bright precocious child too, btw.

scummymummy, i am definatly for real thanks. As i have said previously i have nothing to gain from lying.

and it's aimed at young children???

Steffe because the things i asked them i also read about and i am pretty sure books don't lie

Vaunda that book is for teenagers!!

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1852106522/qid=1126472743/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl/026-4404742-5854824/amazon}

When I was a child I sometimes used to lie in bed imaginaning that my parents had died for some reason and then crying over their death. Bit morbid hey, think i was trying the emotion out.

Where do you stand on the Santa question?

nooka - you know what? I have absolutely no problem with the way you want to do it.

The joys of parenting is that we can all do it our own way - and in my view most ways are the "right" way.

I think i've just got two 'stereo typical' boys - who'll be causing as much havoc as possible when older - probably into destruction derby type sports when they're older (DS2 - only just 21 months - today decided that now he can jump off the ground - all of 1/2cm I may add - it was time to jump off the sofa!!!).

QoQ
I got it from the junior library. I go by the reading level. The description etc there are images as well as text in this book. I am sure you will find it somewhere oonline

I'm sorry, but the whole treating-children-as-miniature-adults thing is creepy.

They're not adults, they're children fgs. They need and can cope with completely different things. Adults don't generally fall about laughing hysterically at every mention of the word 'poo', and children don't need to understand about bestiality and suicide bombing.

Occasionally they may encounter facts that need to be explained by way of damage limitation, as when a child in my dd1's class was raped by a bunch of teenagers. Yes, I think we explained it in a way that enabled her to understand it without being traumatised. But no way would I have chosen to introduce that topic or go into that level of detail if there had been any way of avoiding it.

terrorism book

Thanks, Frogs, that's what I was inarticulately wurblingly trying to say.

yes forgs is correctomundo

Hey, no one has said you are nasty Vaunda, and I'm not quite sure when this thread became entirely about you. I can understand that you are concerned with your ds's condition. My nephew fits frequently (many times a day), and his parents live in constant worry. I just don't think it's entirely healthy - in my opinion only - I was brought up to be independant, and am in turn encouraging that in my children.

oops sorry nooka - my first line was supposed to have a and at the end of it - wasn't being horrible

QofQ is right in that hearing snatches of adult conversation can lead to kids getting the wrong end of the stick and scaring themselves silly. I grew up in military bases in Germany in the 1980s and was petrified of the IRA because I didn't know all the facts. However, there is a distinction between telling children the basic facts or even watching news items with them if you feel that's appropriate and going into as much detail as Vaunda seems to do. No wish to cause offence but have to differ with you there Vaunda - I know my dd, who is a bright and very sensitive 5.10, would be emotionally damaged by some of the images on the TV news.

Soup, I still leave a mince pie etc out but i think that is more for my benefit because i adore xmas and would celebrate it daily if i could lol.
I have never actually said to karl that santa was real or otherwise. He has seen him in a shopping centre last yr but that was for my cousins benefit...... As was a lot of what i did last xmas.

Vaunda - I mean about terrorism, rape, drugs etc, did you read books on those subjects as a young child?

Soup, I still leave a mince pie etc out but i think that is more for my benefit because i adore xmas and would celebrate it daily if i could lol.
I have never actually said to karl that santa was real or otherwise. He has seen him in a shopping centre last yr but that was for my cousins benefit...... As was a lot of what i did last xmas.

Reading level/understanding level doesn't always equate to emotional readiness level, IME, Vaunda. That's why I think the news (apart from newsround) is not a good idea. A book on Terrorism designed for teenagers is likewise not a good idea. IMO.

Hi mother!