How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Caligula,
Karl was 3 when 9/11 happened and he did watch the news with me and a few friends. He saw about tsunami, the hurricaine katrina, the bombings in london on 7/7 etc. The reason he saw about the bombings is it is very close to where we live especially the one on 21/7 which was 2 minutes from his school. The school informed the children incase their parents couldn't get through to the school. so naturally when he came home i had to explain to him. I went to the library and got him 2 books on terrorism, 2 books about the war so he could see that things do end and we do come through it.
As for the news and the horrific things on it. He learnt through the news about children being abducted and he has never run off or wandered off especially since watching about holly and jessica

I wouldn't let ds watch the news either. He is scared enough, having heard the term 'kidnapping' from somewhere and has been worried that he might be kidnapped, although I have explained that a) we're not rich, and b) it's highly unlikely and we keep him safe and c) just because the word KID is in there doesn't mean it's about kids! If finding out this term can scare a (fairly tough) nearly 8yo lord knows what your boy lies awake at night worrying about Vaunda. I really do think there's plenty of time to be worrying about all the unpleasantness in the world - childhood isn't that time imo.

OMG you got your 7 yo boy (or younger) books from the library on terrorism and wars?!

Lonelymum no,
he has a condition called reflex anoxic seizures which mean a slight knock, fear, panic can and will make him pass out without warning. hence another reason he does not run around like most children.

I think you may perhaps have underestimated the childish ability to get fears out of proportion. I know your son is bright, but that does not equate to emotional maturity beyond his years.

And children should be allowed to be children imo, they're not little adults who need adult cares and concerns thrust upon them.

Vaunda - would you let Karl watch a cert. 18 film?

Steffe yes from the childrens library

nope steffe i wouldn't

mother,
if he was frightened by something i had explained to him I would reassure him no bad was going to come to him. He is at teh end of the day a very happy and well adjusted child.

"My" reasoning for letting them watch it (and it's my opinion - so I don't care what you lot say ) is that when I was younger I remember hearing little bits of news on the radio, and seeing pictures in newspapers, as well as overhearing "adult" conversations (which they thought I was out of earshot) of events such as the Kings Cross fire, Oxford Circus Tube Fire, and a few other 'scary' stories. I never saw anything on the TV as we didn't own on. But my parents never talked to me about them, even if I asked questions they'd 'fob' me off.

As a result I used to have terrifying nightmares about fire (I used to wake up being able to "smell" smoke - that went on until I was about 15!), and developed a fear of lifts and escaltors which lasted until I was 20! (really useful when my grandparents lived in the 15th floor of a block of flats - I used to walk up as I refused to go in the lift!).

I'm convinced if my parents had at least explained to me in simple terms, and assured me these things wouldn't happen to me (ok not a guarantee but when you're young you'll believe pretty much what they say) I probably wouldn't have become so scared of those things.

But children deal with the world in a more complex way than that, Vaunda. I cannot see how reassurance will simply ensure that things don't go round and round in a child's head - don't you remember how that works?

It's actually the 'wandering off' comment that I'm responding to, because you say he has changed his behaviour after learning what happened at Soham.

oh and while I let my children watch the news I'd never let them get books out of the library about terrorism and wars (well I may let him get children's books about wars out at that age if he's got a keen interest in them).

Mother.
I remember asking my dad and mum many things about this world we live in and always being told the truth. Lying does not make a child a better child or more innocent imo

what i actually said is he has never wandered off ESPECIALLY SINCE WATCHING THE NEWS ABOUT HOLLY AND JESSICA. not that he changed his behaviour

But Vaunda it's not either tell everything or a tell a lie. There is sooo much ground between the two.

Queen and if you care to read my last posting about that the books were from the childrens library

Vaunda, please do not infer, or imply to others, that I am advocating lying to children. I feel very angry that you've equated my concern that children do have nightmares and worry about things, with the idea that they should be lied to. I don't lie to my kids and I don't think the other posters with similar concerns do so either.

nooka at the end of the day i believe in being open and honest. karl knows he can come to me with anything and does. thats how i like things. whilst he is mature and clever he is still my baby

books about Terrorism in a Children's library???? Well that's a new one on me

So. Either he has never wandered off, and knowing about the events at Soham has made no difference whatsoever (so why "especially") or his behaviour has changed. A 7 year old should wander off occasionally! Do you really never let him out of your sight?

But childhood should be a time of innocence and play, its our job to worry not theirs. We are in control, we set the boundaries and they test them. Scaring your child so they never wander off is not IMO the right way to go about it.

You are very sure that your son is happy and well adjusted, I worry constantly whether mine are, whether I am doing the right thing. You seem very sure.

I never insinuated anything of the sort mother. I said i don't feel that lying or rather telling half truths make a child a better child. I prefer to tell my son the facts as and when he asks for them. If for one moment i didn't think he could cope with them i wouln't tell him.

QueenofQuotes breathes a sigh of relief that her admission of letting her children watch the news hasn't be particularly noted