How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

Bad mummy warning.

When the kids have bugged me all day I have been known to tell them, 'I'm having a coffee for five minutes, for the next five mintues do not disturb me, unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire'.

hmb, have you read ' Five minutes' peace' by Jill Murphy? I feel just like Mrs Large most days. 3 minutes and 45 seconds? I would pay good money for that!

Or even a crap in peace!

well, we wouldn't want to ignore the chilren for that long would we? Might scar them for life

I haven't read all of this as its too long. Got to the phone call bit and it reminded me about a phone call I had to make to DS's social worker. DD's radar instantly kicked in and she came in doing a war dance, waving a DVD saying "I want this!!!"...... it was Sink The Bismarck!! Ho ho, I put it on for her though
I don't agree that the more "European" way of having children around in the evenings, out and about is good at all. Its one of those myths that has grown up over the years imo that compares the UK with other countries and finds us less advanced and more stuffy. I think, in general, children should be in bed by a certain time.

Just put this on another thread oooops
I just read this thread and actually Vaundas DS sounds a lot like mine as an infant
I was single parent, he came everywhere, sentences at 10 mths and discussing world affairs as a toddler too, infact was told by his nursery teacher that he was far too young to be a sceptic (on God and the like) he said he was far more interested in the Big Bang theory...
It backfired on me as he wold seek out adults and be unable to stimulate play by himself at age 6, (the age when you really want them to sod off for an hour or two of an afternoon)
So I worked hard at integrating him with kids of his own age and teaching him how to play as a child and it has paid tremendous dividends...
Vaunda is in for a shock as there comes a time when their intelligence/curiousity abounds at such a rate that informing them about what's really what, can damage them.
For instance about sex. crime, rape etc...
Kids are only kids for such a short time, 2nd time around I've kept dd as a baby for longer and enjoyed her time as a toddler - she can create world peace and develop a cure for cancer another year, when she's older....

Davros, as I think I posted that bit (sometime long long ago!) I agree children should be in bed in the evenings, and woory when they are not, but it would be nice if places were in general more welcoming to families with children (and not just for chicken nuggets!)

Gosh Vaunda ... your son sounds like me when I was little. My parents brought me up surrounded by children with disabilities (because they worked in a community for people with disabilities) and I didn't really mix with other children. They also took me out of nursery because I didn't 'fit in'. As a result I always found 'children' boring and would rather be reading or mixing with adults and the elderly. In some ways it was good - I experienced a lot of 'adult' experiences and learnt a lot. I am also now extremely comfortable in company with just about anyone, from Bishops to blind people - but I was never 'normal' and I do regret that. I ended up in a relationship with a teacher when I was 12 because I spent all my time in the staffroom and not the playground ... I joined a cult when I was 14 because I was so fascinated by death and philosophy ... I didn't learn to be a normal child and teenager and I think that contributed to me ending up in psychiatric care when I was 21.

I'm not saying this is inevitable - but I do think that to an extent you need to 'force' your child to integrate with other children. My daughter is nearly 3 and sounds similar to your son - at the election in May she was asking the staff whether they had voted and persuading them of the virtues of voting Labour. She also started complaining last year that the other children were 'boring' and didn't talk. As a result I have made her spend MORE time with them and not LESS time. She needs to become happy with other children because she is still a child. Much as I love discussing everything with her, she is emotionally still just 2 years old. It's easy to forget, but she is, and she needs to grow up 'normal', even if that is often boring for her.

So... these are just my thoughts on your situation, which you may think are toss, but these are just my conclusions from my own experience of being very much like your son.

I know what you mean Nooka, chicken bloody nuggets eh? Of course its nice during the summer hols to see families out together and the weather is prob one of the reasons for this difference but I also hate seeing babies and young kids out when they are dog tired or even
sleeping and the parents are having a good time.
On the question of whether children should be treated as children and less as adults, when I was growing up my parents often took us out with them and we were around when they had boozy parties or at their friends' homes. Our friends all thought it was great, and so did we to a certain extent (although we got bored with it), but what did we know? We were kids, even in our teens. Many times we just wanted to be able to behave as kids and not have to see our parents cavorting around, often drunk. Ooooer, this is sounding very extreme, but it is my experience. I also had some VERY inappropriate experiences at the hands of "friends" of my parents which I think did quite a lot of damage.....

Piffle,
Karl already knows about sex, crime nd rape. He knows about drink and drugs. Not through my choice but he does. Now i could have denied that he knew but that would be a lie. There are issues he has had to know about due to some circumstances, but that is all in the past. However he lately is showing a huge interest in the solar system and my brother in law has given him a telescope, now personally i wouldn't have as i feel he is too young for it due to its worth. But thats another thing all together.
I have no problem telling karl about the things he questions over and i never will.

i am completely lost is karl your husband or your brother?

Message withdrawn

Morningpaper,
I do encourage him to play with children his own age with and without disabilities but at the end of the day i cannot and would not tell him he couldn't play with someone at the age of 7 because they have a disability. He will have a time where i will not like someone.

Sometimes i do wish he was more like my nephew and would want to be a power ranger/hulk/superman/spiderman etc but he doesn't he likes to read asks for other things like a tv/dvd/pc/video/ books/ for xmas and birthdays and easter.

Xmas he is getting a new mountain bike cos he grew out of his old one.

Fio,
Karl is my son

I tell you when it gets too much though.
When we were asking his biological father to contribute as we needed him to help out, ds went behind our backs and told his Dad exactly what we earned and how much we had in savings and that we didn't really need his help but were pissed off that he never paid anything to us.
It's all about tact as well, asking his step grandad,are you really an alcoholic then?
That sort of thing, knowledge in itself does not bring about the maturity to express what he knows correctly, all I am saying is that one day it may become a situation you may need to change.

lets not get on the subject of biological fathers,,,,, I have karls sitting here in my living room right now. Wouldn't mind but karl is in bed, he is knackered after a great day in the park.

No discussion wanted
Was only providing an example of when it has proven deeply embarrassing to us.
We also have issues of menstruation and sanitary protection and the like that I would never ever repeat with another child!
But I suspect nothing I say will make you parent your child any differently and I also guess that relating my experiences in the hope of giving you an idea of what happened for me in what I though was a very similar situation, was not something you welcomed.

Piffle,
I welcome all views and all opinions. But at the end of the day we all parent differently. My son likes his life and doesn't like it when things change too much. His daddy is a chef so he spends time in the restaurant (well when he was working) and his father is a drummer so he is always at rehearsals, gigs etc. My way might not be your way but if we were all the same what a boring world this would be.

I have read this thread in parts and was determined not to join in but now I have to. Vaunda, your son is 7 I think and clearly very bright, some might say prococious. My ds2 is also 7, very bright and definitely prococious so I do know where you are coming from a bit. But you say your son knows about sex, crime and rape as blithely as if you were admitting he can name 3 varieties of wild orchids. He is 7 for goodness sake. I will protect my son from knowing about sex, crime and rape - especially rape - as long as I possibly can.

Then you say you are not sure he should have a telescope as it is an expensive item, even though he shows an interest in the solar sysytem. My son is also intereste in the solar system and has asked for a telescope for Christmas. He is getting one.

Are you sure you have thought through the implications of the upbringing you are giving your son?

oh god just facilitate some free play woman!

DS is 5 (almost 6) and quite responsible about using my birding telescope, Vaunda. Only problem I have is that my tripod isn't so good, so it's too easy for DS to knock the telescope off; get a safer tripod than mine & definitely sounds like a good thing for your son.

Lonelymum, I said i wouldn't have given him the telescope my bro in law is giving him it is worth £450. I didnt say he shouldn't have one at all.
As for sex, drugs, crime etc yes he does know about them. He asked how a baby got in your belly when he was about 4 1/2 -5 and we told him.
He saw a tv programme about alcoholics and drug addicts and asked why drugs are so bad for you when the doctors give you them. So i explained the different types of drugs and how some are good and some are bad.
Crime is on the tv everyday and my son watches the news so he learns and when he asks about it i tell him. Where is the harm in being honest?

www, he has plenty of free play if and when he wants it. I am not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

'facilitating free play' = mumsnetting

was just joking!

geddit?