Stupid inane things that people say...

[Pruni]

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After i had a mc at 8 weeks pregnant,

"nevermind it wasnt really the right time anyway " (mil)

"you can always try again", true but it wont bring this baby back!!

'but he looks better' yes but he wil lstill need a heart transplant.

again 'are they twins?' yes, but they were born 2.5years apart.

also ' are yu going to haave any more kids' asked by peters nurses. i always hjave to stiffle a giggle and say 'well not right now, i dont think its the right time do you?'

When I got pg with ds (who is 6.5 years younger than dd2), someone who I thought was a good friend said when I told her, "well that's a shock. Was it planned?"

About 20 minutes later she said "oh, congratulations" but it was too late, I was very hurt

However I should think myself lucky that that is the most hurtful thing that has been said to me, there are far worse things on this thread!

When I was expecting DS, I had DD with me and a complete stranger said to me 'Having another one, didn't you learn your lesson first time round'

On hearing I have 5 children, someone said, "Did no-one teach you about contraception then?"

Prat.

My mothers first words to me on coming to see dd2 just hours after I'd had her by cs - "Don't you look terrible" Yes I probably did after a m/c, fertility probs & then 9 months worry about being preg plus having just been through a c/s - just didn't need her to tell me. I was so happy and calm after everything.

you're not pregnant again - you can't want more children??

to which I replied why not?

Well what if, you know, if....

This good friend of mine wanted to say - what if you have another child with a heart defect or down syndrome or both!!

But she could not bring herself to say it - obviously realising it probably wasn't the thing to say.

A number of other people expressed suprise that we went on to have another child after dd1 who was born with ds and a heart defect..... That really angered me as I felt these people - were friends and would be excited for us not horrified that we would even consider another child.

To those people who are commenting on parent's of children with SN being not so nice when people are trying to be pleasant. Why the hell do they need to comment at all????????? They don't comment on my other dd - but feel the need to comment on dd1.

Oh that reminds me of another stupid comment.....

'I have one of those at home?!?!?!?!" mmm a pram, a handbag, a nappy bag, a husband - oh you mean a child with down syndrome.... she is not a 'those' she is a child fgs as is your child.

From the checkout operator scanning my groceries......' so what do they say her learning capabilities are?!?!?" WHAT!!!!!!! Again - what the hell business is it of yours and just scan my groceries and let me get her home - she is tired and throwing a wobbler.....

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socci, mine has tom,e me not to have naymore kids. ever!

Ha ha, we get that every summer, when we have our big extended family holiday. Between me, my sister and my two cousins we now have thirteen kids. We swap them around a bit to make life easier, so it's not at all unusual for me and dh to have eight or nine blond blue-eyed children in tow.

We've had the looks, the tuts, the mutterings, and comments ranging from the inane: Bet you've got your hands full; you're a glutton for punishment (hate that one), Are you Catholics?; Are you mormons? (wot?) to the downright rude: There is such a thing as contraception, you know; Are you on benefits?; and various half-overhead mumblings beginning, "You people..."

They're all eejits. Mostly I ignore. Occasionally I have cultivated an insane gleam, and talked earnestly about how all the children are Gods Little Creatures. That gets rid of 'em.

agree as well eidsvold. Some people don't think before opening mouth & some are just plain nasty. Why should their comments just be accepted quietly as nice.

frogs - was in supermarket when a normally nice neighbour asked how I felt about being preg with ds4 as "there is contraception you know" - really what is this thing you're talking about I felt like saying!!!

frogs/milward - makes you want to say - damn I knew we'd forgotten something in the heat of the moment!!

eidsvold- I HATE the way people assume that if you have a child with a disability that you are not allowed to reproduce again. I know someone with 2 autistic children (One very severe, one moderate)- the comments she got (mainly behind her back!) about having a third. Like she's stupid for wanting to experience normal parenthood.- What - is it everyone's God given right except hers? Grrrrrrr

Socci @ your mother!

jesus, some of these are unbelievable. Are people really that insensitive?

wow - a lot of stupid and insensitive comments
got to say though that while I don?t og out of my way to insult amd would never ever come up with some of the more extreme ones here, I do make small talk when with other mums and some of it is pretty dull. As a fairly shy person I have to force myself to chat to people and ask them questions otherwise I would just be there happily silent - not bother me but it is nice to make an effort and try to get out there and meet people. I would feel really upset if my efforts to communicate and be pleasant were annoying others - just because they weren?t the enlightened, original and witty comments that many of you seem to require - (not talking about comments concernng disabilities as that is something totally different) Will be more cautious in future - eek as if there isn?t enough things to worry about let alone being criticised for using boring catchphrases...

Have to agree with Basketcase. While there are phrases that annoy me (you know what I mean like?)I often try to make simple conversation with people using small talk. It is quite an effort as I am a very shy person so to be told that my simple remarks and efforts at conversation are boring and inane is very hurtful. Maybe I just wont bother anymore.

So what DO you say to someone in the pub when you are asking if a chair is being used? After all the person could just have nipped to the loo couldnt they?

Guess you just cant win can you?

Miffedmoorhen, comments like, "Bet you've got your hands full" are innocuous in themselves. It's just that if you venture out with what appears to be a larger than average family (3+ children) you can virtually guarantee that at least two complete strangers will come up to you and say just exactly that. So the novelty wears off pretty quick.

I am shocked but not surprised by the comments made to parents of disabled children about having another baby. Though I must admit that when I noticed that my friend who has 3 healthy but very rowdy older boys, a ds4 with very severe CP (totally dependent on care) was pregnant with no 5. it did cross my mind to wonder whether it was entirely intentional. But I would never have dreamt of asking. And yes, I think it probably was intentional, and she now has a healthy and very rowdy ds5 to add to her houseful.

Yes, frogs, sadly sometimes if you have a SN child and are pregnant again you get comments like, 'How will you handle it if . . . ?' (following by silence mostly)or 'Have you had an amniocentesis to see if . . .?' And if you child appears outwardly 'normal' these comments often come from people who are not strangers.

"i wouldn't normally say, but..."
then what makes this occasion so different??
i also hate conversations full of ..
"then i turn around and say... and then he turns around and says... and then i turn around and go"

I'd just had a row with my best friend ending with her telling me not to bother contacting her again (I didn't) She called me 2 weeks later to try & repiar the damage & said "I can't believe that you DD is more important to you than I am"

I told her not to bother contacting ME again!

On starting a PT evening job in a bar, on my first day one of the locals asked me what my day job was. Told him I was a SAHM to which he replied "so I work hard all day so you can sit on your ar* and eat" I replied "no my husband works hard all day so I can raise our DD & you work hard all day to sit on YOUR ar* and drink"
He later apologised & said that he assumed I was single (because my wedding ring doesn't fit, I can't wear it) & lived off benefits that his tax paid for.

Expat, that reminds me of the time I explained to the midwife that I didn't want to have the triple test (this was my first, unplanned, pregnancy), only to have her respond. "You must want this baby very much" (translation: you must want a baby so much you're prepared to accept a substandard one). I was too young and too stunned at the time to think of anything to say, though a few choice rejoinders come to mind with hindsight.

I had similar and worse comments in my other two pregnancies. By that time my sister had had a baby with trisomy 18, so the world and its dog felt the need to discuss my antenatal testing decisions. But for some reason that first comment is the one that sticks in my mind. Prats.

My pet peeve is "Have you had your haircut" when you hair is noticeably shorter than before..I think this what people say when they hate your hair do.
My reply is Yes - it makes for a stilted conversation.

dilly next time try
'Yes! DO YOU LIKE IT?!' with fixed beaming glare