Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Is it really that hard having children?

147 replies

Enid · 20/07/2005 14:09

So I have days when I am knackered, fed up, cross or tearful. But I wouldn't say it is overwhelmingly hard having children. I work part time, have two dds (5.5. & 2.5) and most of the time it is, well, I'd never call it easy, but its not what I would call hard either.

Now I am lucky. I have pretty well behaved, NT kids and a husband who gets home at 6pm most nights (not that he is particularly hands on).

I was surprised at all the negative choices on the 'choose one word to describe being a mummy' thread. Is it really that hard? Especially when you think of what a short time in your life this will be?

OP posts:

Jimjams · 20/07/2005 21:47

BH I think she was saying that if she'd had kids with SN it would have been harder- and she realises that. And I have to agree with her. Ds2 and Ds3 are a doddle, ds1 anything but (lovely still but definitely not a doddle).

Jimjams · 20/07/2005 21:47

x posted!

Original poster

Enid · 20/07/2005 21:49

yes, thanks jimjams. I obviously have no way of knowing whether it would have been harder or not, but I think it might have been and maybe I wouldn't be living in such a fools paradise

OP posts:

Jimjams · 20/07/2005 21:50

If you see me on Monday you'll know (I might not get a chance to talk to you, but you'll know )

vicdubya · 20/07/2005 22:14

For me the first year was hard. Sleep deprivation and feeling drained and exhausted all the time.

Since ds has been sleeping through and to a decent hour, I am actually enjoying life again.

It's hard to find the strength you need to care for your children when you are tired, run down, or depressed, or living in difficult circumstances.

Because whether or not you view it as hard, you do require a good deal of emotional and physical strength to be a parent imo.

Blossomhill · 20/07/2005 22:25

Sorry Enid, was totally OTT there. Blame the PMT

Aero · 20/07/2005 22:27

Bh - I also don't think enid was trying to be insensitive by describing her children as NT. I think it was more of an appreciation that if they had had special needs, then things would have been more difficult than they are, and perhaps even overwhelming sometimes. My children have no special needs as such either and I'm knackered, so how much more would I struggle if any of them did? I believe I would just get on with it and it would just become 'normal' life iyswim. Having read some of the SN threads and 'seeing' the struggles many parents on here face daily, then I think I would find things much more difficult than I do now especially regarding trying to get any help etc that I may be entitled to if I were in that situation.
Am I making any sense at all. Basically, I'm trying to say that I appreciate how amazingly parents of SN children cope with the constant challenges that may involve.
I have worked both NT and SN children over the years - all of whom were challenging in their individual ways.

Aero · 20/07/2005 22:28

oops - sorry x'd posts!

Caligula · 20/07/2005 22:42

It is incredibly hard, but easier than I'd expected. I had always built parenthood up as such a terrible nightmare - twenty years of no sleep, along with a permanent fear of "authority" accusing you of child abuse every time your child fell over, no sex, permanent vomit on your clothes, tedious conversations about Buzz Lightyear, being embarrassed by public tantrums, being permanently terrified of abduction, disease and bad influences, etc. etc., that when it doesn't happen, I'm grateful, and when I get the nice bits of parenthood that I'd originally edited out, I feel lucky. I even find the conversations about Buzz Lightyear not half as tedious as I thought I would because a) I don't listen properly anyway and b) I find the children so charming that I can listen to them talking any crap and still be charmed by it.

hunkermunker · 20/07/2005 22:52

Caligula, love the juxtaposition of worrying about being accused of child abuse (v serious) and endless Buzz Lightyear convos (perhaps not quite as serious...!)

fruitful · 20/07/2005 22:59

Haven't time to read all this, just had to reply to one comment:-

MotherInferior you are the best mother your kids could ever have, handpicked for them, no other mother would ever be as good as you for them.

I tell myself this daily. .

Satine · 20/07/2005 23:22

Before dh went to Iraq, I'd have said that motherhood is hard but very rewarding. Having spent 3 months on my own with two children (dd 14 months ds 2.10) I'll amend that to absolutely exhausting, boring and, at times, awful (in terms of not coping and then feeling that you're failing and becoming a terrible mother). There are also plenty of times when it's wonderful and special and I love the very bones of my kids but my reaction to the original post is that it seems a little smug. If it's not that hard for you then that's great, but rather than asking why it's not so fabulous for everyone, count your blessings. With a bit of luck, my dh will be back in 3 months - the time can't go quickly enough!

Original poster

Enid · 20/07/2005 23:24

well I did mention about having a dh home by 6 etc etc. Thought that was obviously counting my blessings

sorry about your dh, hope he's Ok and things get easier soon.

OP posts:

Original poster

Enid · 20/07/2005 23:26

And if you mean by smug that I look down somehow on people that don't have it as 'easy' as me - then that is absolutely not true.

If you mean being thankful for the life I have, then yes, you maybe right.

OP posts:

Satine · 20/07/2005 23:35

It's just your comment "Is it really that hard?" Well, yes, I think that for many people and for many reasons, it is. I know that I am incredibly lucky in my life to have support and love and security so I think I know what you meant but I'm a great believer in the old adage about walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

arwen · 21/07/2005 08:55

Haven't read the whole thread so might have been mentioned but if you have PND it certainly seems hard.I had it twice.Ds's 1st year not exactly a joy, he didn't sleep through until 18 mo and by then we also had dd. cue 2nd bout of PND.

However I still love my life and wouldn't change it for the world (other than a lottery win to ease the constant robbing of peter to pay paul and worrying about it) Will probably go on to have more babies if we are lucky enough but am aware that for me the 1st year at least is hard.

I think it so depends on your state of mind and external circumstances and childrens personality. I had friends who had really easy 1st ones but luckily didn't gloat at my struggles or insinuate it was me doing it all wrong. Some of them have had nasty shocks with their 2nds who have a different personality.

oliveoil · 21/07/2005 09:14

Enid - how dare you be happy and positive, get ye a moaning thread immediately, this is a moaning site for moaning people (apols to League of Gentlemen).

marialuisa · 21/07/2005 09:18

Reading this thread has made me realise how much I "compartmentalize" my life. At the moment important areas of my life (work, extended family, housing) are incredibly stressful and generally rather unpleasant. I am emotionally and physically exhausted, DH has a lot on his plate and although physically present is emotionally absent and rather volatile, but in response to Enid's question I would still say that for us, having a child is a breeze. Everything else is draining though.

Dawn59 · 21/07/2005 09:57

Yes it is that hard.....................

The problems never ever go away they only change as the child grows older.

Love
Dawn
x

PippiShortStocking · 21/07/2005 11:42

I think our generation make it harder on ourselves. I don't remember our mothers and their friends saying having children was the most difficult thing they've ever done. But now there's so much pressure on to be the "perfect" mother (always stimulating our kids, cooking nutritious meals for them, worrying about their academic success) and the "perfect" woman (looking glamorous, being a bit of a sex goddess, keeping a gorgeous house and preferably earning lots of money) that we take it all too seriously and forget to have fun with our little ones.

TinyGang · 21/07/2005 12:04

Hang on. You list all the reasons - including being 'lucky' - why it's not hard for you, but wonder why it's really that hard for others.

Everyone is different. Great - you don't find it that hard. Others do, because they lead a different life or have a different 'take' on things.

Agree with Satine and Dawn's posts wholeheatedly.

whitecloud · 22/07/2005 16:58

I think it's harder physically when you are older, like me !!! I think it's been easier to do what I feel is right for my child and ignore all that ridiculous perfect mother stuff, because I have to keep to my limitations or I just wouldn't get through.

I think it is a lot harder if you haven't got family support and/or your parents and in-laws are either far away or too old to help much. This is the hardest as all, as well as the loneliness of being a SAHM at times because you can't just go out and make friends and do what you want. But I wouldn't exchange any of that for the closeness I have to my dd or the conviction that I've done what is right by her. I wouldn't have had the energy to work full time anyway, but have managed a little part-time work. I reckon our generation and younger expects a lot more personal fulfillment than previous generations so that makes it harder as well.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6