Is it really that hard having children?

[Enid]

So I have days when I am knackered, fed up, cross or tearful. But I wouldn't say it is overwhelmingly hard having children. I work part time, have two dds (5.5. & 2.5) and most of the time it is, well, I'd never call it easy, but its not what I would call hard either.

Now I am lucky. I have pretty well behaved, NT kids and a husband who gets home at 6pm most nights (not that he is particularly hands on).

I was surprised at all the negative choices on the 'choose one word to describe being a mummy' thread. Is it really that hard? Especially when you think of what a short time in your life this will be?

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enid, yes you ARE lucky, like you said in your first post. but im glad you can see that.

speaking about the 'one word' thread, i dont think anyone is moaning or saying its that hard, i dont think anyone is saying these things in all seriousness????

dont deny bringing up children is hard, i only think it cant be hard if you have full time live in nannies that are actually saints in disguise, and you only see your kids to kiss them goodnight, like some sort of victorian family. it is hard, but only on occasions, like newborns feeding every hour, like mopping up wee for the millionth time during potty training, if you have absolutely no support from any living soul, if you have no roof over your head, no income etc etc i could go on

but even with problems there are silver linings? or so i hope

humour me enid and tell me about one particularly hard spell you have had with your kids

madmarchhare, i find things easier to handle if i have some sort of adult contact during the day - even just a phone call or popping to a friends for a cuppa - because my dh is away 6am til 730pm.

i think im past the need for sleep now!

ClosetoCracking. Sounds like things are really tough.

Agree with fruitful about the sheer relentlessness of it and the non-stop talking.

Also, circumstances matter a lot. 1st baby, I was on my own = tougher as child gets older, I found. 2nd baby, I'm with a partner = finding it to be (mostly) a doddle.

Agree Tinker.

NP, those are long hours! MY DH doesnt leave the house until 9.30, so we have all have a lovely morning together (DS not in school yet) If that were to change by just an hour it would throw me completely.

yup, it's not the children it's everything else!

nail on head ninah

my dp will have worked away from Monday to Thurs this week
Still, we are going to Sardinia next week!

Crikey - I really dont realise do I ?

how old are your children ninah? i want to go on holiday, but i keep thinking itll jsut be the same things happening, only dh will be there and itll be sunny! cant decide if its worth it...

I am now ready to admit to myself that the first year of ds3's life was the most challenging period of parenting time ever. I have loved being a sahm for several yeasr now, but I had some serious wobbles about being able to continue to cope. Ds3 is my 4th child; not even the shellshock that comes with 1st time parenting came close, for me, in the "challenging" stakes. I even for a time thought "Help I can't cope, I've too many kids/have made a huge mistake here" , etc. He is now 18m and didn't sleep through until about a month ago . I was just so exhausted I spent many many days just panicking about reaching the following day !
Now it's miles better! Yes he often wakes long before I want him to, at 5am or whatever, and mobile toddlrs are very hard work, but he is beginning to blend in beautifully with his brothers and sister. I have a happy little gang who all adore each other and absolutely no regrets. It has been bloody hard but I can see light at the end of the tunnel now.

Hardest thing I've ever done. Have to say it does finally seem to be getting easier now that youngest is 3.5 and eldest nearly 6. However, I've done the last 2 years alone and before that ex-H was away Mon-Fri from 10 days after youngest was born.
Yes, I think it is fair to say I found it gruelling, exhausting and the brief moments of pleasure and fun were heavily outweighed by the constant exhaustion and endless desire for some help!
Enjoying it now though!

ds 2.10 and expecting no 2 in December
I am really looking forward to just not being at work to b honest. It's always hard to persuade dp to take a break cos he's self employed (and an accountant)
although the thought of packing is making me yawn ...
I think it would be worth it np! GO!

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Agree with rnB- with ds2 (and hopefully ds3) we can go anywhere and do anything pretty much. Add in useful dh and life is a breeze. Chuck ds1 into the equation and suddenly we can't go anywhere outside the home unless he has 1:1, and a lot of places are still out of bounds (too busy, too many queues, he'll refuse to walk on the sand) etc etc. But you know that from trying to arrange to meet next week!.

It is harder than I expected (I expected it to be busy). I found the hardest thing is keeping on top of the housework which seems to be never ending. If I spend a lot of time doing things with ds I find that the house is a complete pigsty but if I do housework (and I mean basic housework) I feel that I have neglected ds.

It can depend on so many things.

How well behaved or not your children are

How your health is,mental and physical

If you have a good support network, ie friends,family who help out

A supportive partner/hubby

money worries

Like closetocracking said it's not that black and white.

Ninah -your right it's everything else besides the kids.But I suspose it's how you deal with the everything elses.

Kids are hard work,more mentally for me than physically,but the most rewarding job i have ever done.

I should add that I'm on maternity leave hence why no pressures at the moment. It will change once I go back to work.

dont agree that working or not working is harder - just different problems

and ive done both

oh god don't say that np mat leave is all that's keeping me going!

No (or less) pressures for me

I don't think there's a simple answer to this question. Whether or not one finds having children hard depends on so many things: whether you are alone or with a partner and if that partner is an equal one or just someone else to look after; whether you like/d or love/d your paid job and want or have to continue doing it and whether you have childcare you're happy with while you do it; whether your children are compliant or not; how good or otherwise your own state of mind is; how much money you have and how much of it goes on making life easier with a cleaner/whatever help you need; your own expectations of parenthood and your prior experience of children before you had your own, plus whether you have any family/friends/other support in the job of parenting.

So just because one person says 'oh I don't find it hard' doesn't mean they won't ever find it hard or that another person's hard isn't really hard. Because whether you find it hard or not depends so much on these things it's impossible to generalise imo. For me, first child in unhappy marriage but with plenty of money, a job I liked, lots of friends = hard, horrible and shocking, even more so when I left and became a single parent with no friends, no job and not enough money. Now, on my second with a fantastic partner, the benefit of experience, no money or job but lots of love and support from partner, friends and mumsnet = easier but still not a walk in the park, not all the time. Some days it is and I wonder what I was moaning about but other days, yes, it's hard.