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Original poster

Is it really that hard having children?

147 replies

Enid · 20/07/2005 14:09

So I have days when I am knackered, fed up, cross or tearful. But I wouldn't say it is overwhelmingly hard having children. I work part time, have two dds (5.5. & 2.5) and most of the time it is, well, I'd never call it easy, but its not what I would call hard either.

Now I am lucky. I have pretty well behaved, NT kids and a husband who gets home at 6pm most nights (not that he is particularly hands on).

I was surprised at all the negative choices on the 'choose one word to describe being a mummy' thread. Is it really that hard? Especially when you think of what a short time in your life this will be?

OP posts:
bossykate · 20/07/2005 18:37

right back atcha

Whizzz · 20/07/2005 18:40

Having kids isn't hard - it's all the other stuff that you have to juggle at the same time that is

Eugenious · 20/07/2005 18:46

my first one was hard the other two I had epidurals

bossykate · 20/07/2005 18:47

i agree with everyone who said it depends on your circumstances, personality etc. it's too complex to sum up in one word.

morningpaper · 20/07/2005 18:55

kama wrote: "Morningpaper, you don't have to feel that way, nor should you."

Actually I disagree. I think that a lot of women who considered themselves feminists and successful women DO find (to their horror) that there is not much left of themselves when they have young children. I work part-time, which I love, but most of the time all I do is the physical work of raising babies. I find this extremely dull. I can't think when I was last intellectually challenged during my mummy-hours. I don't think I have been.

morningpaper · 20/07/2005 18:56

Oh I WAS intellectually challenged when my dd asked me what made the noise of thunder, and I had to consult Google to find out.

(That took 2.5 years)

dejags · 20/07/2005 18:56

yes

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 20/07/2005 18:56

how did i know this would kick off?

the bottom line is we all have hard days, we all have good days but none of us would swap our kids for the world.

monkeytrousers · 20/07/2005 19:04

I think it's harder cos it's such a surprise. You just have NO IDEA what's about to happen to you as an individual and as a couple. Maybe we're just too spoilt living it up before hand?

I think the majority of things said on the thread were probably 'off the top of your head' stuff and most probably influenced by just how difficult it was at that particular moment. I said it was 'mad', but I've had a crappy day today so would probably have said something more negative if I'd posted today.

I've only got the one and can't imagine how those of you with more manage.

I also wish I'd done it earlier!

kama · 20/07/2005 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 20/07/2005 19:24

CloseToCracking - Are you getting any suport from MN-ers under a different name? Your life sounds very very tough.

twirlaround · 20/07/2005 19:44

I have found it very very physically hard - it has taken a heavy & permanent toll on my health. So, a wonderful experience, yes - but also hard.

pouchofdouglas · 20/07/2005 19:55

Message withdrawn

CarolinaMoon · 20/07/2005 20:05
logic · 20/07/2005 20:06

Agree that the responses would have been down to the actual moment. I have had an unbelievably bad day and I would like to lie down in the middle of the road and get it all over with but tomorrow I might be on an up again...

PeachyClair · 20/07/2005 20:09

Sorry, HiJack

closetocracking-

Sorry to hear about your partner, identified with as my partner also has clinical depression: OK at moment (as much as can be) but has been very very ill in the past, suicide bids last year .

Want a chat anytime, do track me down. It's a BLOODY horrible situation to be in, in every way imaginable, depressing and scary for you as a person, worried about the kids, and horrid to watch someone you love go through.

Dior · 20/07/2005 20:12

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 20/07/2005 20:15

Kama wrote:
"But you can change it morningpaper, that was my point. You can take conttrol, rekindle those old passions & goals. Could you increase your work hours? Find an evening activity?"

My evenings are spent either working or sleeping. As my main passion is studying, I have no chance of doing that, because any spare time and energy I have has to go into earning money.

What did I expect? Well I was naive, like lots of childless women are. I had visions of myself sitting at my computer with a placid baby on the floor gurgling happily to herself, or continuing to work while my happy contented children were being looked after by happy contented carers. I didn't realise that the thought of leaving my babies with carers would make me feel like I was being ripped apart and I'd end up working evenings and weekends - basically all the time I don't spend cleaning and washing and cooking - so that I can spend time with my daughter.

I WAS NAIVE - I'm the first to admit that. But until I had children no one with children ever admitted to me what hard work it was. Even if they had, I would have thought that it would be different for me.

Would I do it differently if I had my time over? No I wouldn't. But it is bloody hard work, a lot of the time bloody miserable hard work. And I AM very jealous of my partner, who gets to use his BRAIN all day, while I just get to use my BODY.

PeachyClair · 20/07/2005 20:30

It does depend on how well you want to do it. now loads of famillies from my time in Social Services, who had many children and said they were great parents but what they meant was they had Sky and an endless suplly of crisps and fags for them to snack on. Oh and the biggest TV in Dixons (if the bailiffs dont nick it ).

Whereas if you really want to do your best, especially if you are contending with a few problems as we all do from time to time, then it is at best a challenge 9albeit enjoyable) and at worst an incredibly difficult journey.

Tortington · 20/07/2005 20:32

i found it terribly hard and joyless, unfulfilling and generally rubbish. i hated the baby stage and never want to go anywhere near one if at all i can help it. so yes it was hard. the hardest thing i ever did.

between the ages of 6 and 10 - they were fab, i did enjoy it.
now they are all teenagers and i have very small pockets of pleasure - when they can fit me into their schedule

Easy · 20/07/2005 20:46

I agree with you, MorningPaper.

I had a good career before ds was born, felt successful, good at what I did. No one could have convinced me what would happen when I had a child. I had decided to spend at least the first 3 years with my baby, but within weeks of his birth I would spend the afternoon crying with the sheer frustration of what my life had become. I couldn't then start to work. I believed (and still do) that a young child's place is with his mother wherever possible, and stuck with that principal with the same grit and determination which had led me to my successful career in the first place.

Now my ds is nearly 6. I work 3 days per week, and I am pround that he is a very bright, fit and personable child, I have done my best so far, and feel it is paying off.

But, yes, for a lot of those 6 years it has been hard, and my relationship with dh is not as passionate, or exciting as it was before ds, mainly becos having ds turned us into different people.

madmarchhare · 20/07/2005 21:09

I think if at anytime you have wished it could be easier/hoped it would get easier, it must at some point have been hard. I also find it very difficult to believe that anyone didnt find motherhood a complete shock to the system (dont mean to sound all smug by saying that IYSWIM)

snafu · 20/07/2005 21:25

Haven't read the whole thread, so am probably repeating loads of people, but for me it is not the having children that is hard, it the 'everything else'. My ds is a delight 95% of the time, but there's absolutely no denying that my life would be utterly different and one hell of a lot simpler and easier if I wasn't a mother. That's not being moany, or cynical, or unloving, it's just a fact.

I love the bones of my ds, and wouldn't be without him ever but I'd be lying if I said life's been easy and peachy since I became a mother.

Right, will read rest of thread now!

Blossomhill · 20/07/2005 21:43

Enid - how insensitive to describe your kids as NT when there was no need. WTF???

Original poster
Enid · 20/07/2005 21:46

sorry blossom, didn't mean to offend, was just trying to head off criticism before it happened - and also not everyone knows my kids so thought it might be worth explaining under the circs.

OP posts: