Is it really that hard having children?

[Enid]

So I have days when I am knackered, fed up, cross or tearful. But I wouldn't say it is overwhelmingly hard having children. I work part time, have two dds (5.5. & 2.5) and most of the time it is, well, I'd never call it easy, but its not what I would call hard either.

Now I am lucky. I have pretty well behaved, NT kids and a husband who gets home at 6pm most nights (not that he is particularly hands on).

I was surprised at all the negative choices on the 'choose one word to describe being a mummy' thread. Is it really that hard? Especially when you think of what a short time in your life this will be?

MP, what did you think was going to happen?

I've only got one and he's still a baby, so it's not comparable with having 3 under 5 or anything like that, but for me at the moment Enid's post is definitely true.

The hardest part is that it never stops - even my hardest longest days at work would end eventually and I'd go home and get uninterrupted kip. But it feels sooo much more worthwhile than my job ever was, and as a bonus I also get to see daylight and breathe fresh non-airconditioned air. Lovely!

I haven't found it hard doing the physical tasks required of parents(because my kids have always slept well, but i have found the emotional side, the actual shaping of little personalities, disciplines, learning, instiling good habits, morals, very draining - always having to think before you speak, constantly correcting their speech, words, phrases, remembering psandqs, etc. Am dreading the teenage years. Whoever said newborn was easy, was, imho, right( and i had twins)

I wouldn't use the word 'hard' to describe parenting but I would use the words 'relentless monotony'.

well, like everything else, its easier if you have lots of money and love and are loved by a partner!

CloseToCracking, have you got any help at all?

Yes and no. I have an fantastically well-behaved and adorable nearly 3 yr old ds and a beautiful 9 week old dd with awful colic who screams all day and night. I am currently battling to get her treatment for a medical condition and I am mentally and physically worn out. Oh and I have PND and I've almost recovered physically from the birth.

On the other hand, I couldn't imagine being without them.

what a constructive comment to mp, carolinamoon!

e.g. everyone "knows" labour is going to hurt, but that knowledge doesn't make it any better while it's happening.

enid, most people on that other thread didn't say it was overwhelmingly hard. and would you have been making these comments before you got your p/t job? didn't you say you were getting pretty miserable and fed up until you got it?

ctc, sorry you are having a bad time agree with your the points you make.

Bossykate, that was directed at this bit:

"My self-fulfillment from my career, intellectual challenges, a social life, sports, financial independence, travel, spending time on my own development - not to mention good looks and pert bosoms - all on the back burner for a good few years."

easy, I'm glad you got it sorted out. will try to dig out article.

sorry, realised I misread you post Bossykate.

But yes, I think it's pretty obvious kids don't do your career any favours and it's quite difficult to find time to go to the cinema. I realise not everyone has the chance to plan their family, but if you do, that's surely the kind of thing you weigh up before you ttc?

CarolinaMoon wrote: "MP, what did you think was going to happen?"

I didn't realise how I would abandon all hope of intellectual fulfillment and stimulation. It is the most boring work in the world for me. I feel like I have disappeared. I didn't know I would feel that way.

MP, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I suppose I'm coming at it from a different POV - when I was pg, everyone from my mum to my boss said "ooh, what are you going to do to keep your brain from turning to jelly??".

Obviously lack of sleep does your brain no favours, and it's only in the last month or two (ds is nearly 9mo) that I've felt I'm really getting back to being myself, but I feel freer than I have done for years.

My work was quite demanding, mentally, and I often used to feel completely drained by it. I found it hard to find the energy even to read a novel after a long day. There are days like that now, but not nearly so many - or possibly they are just more bearable because it's for a better cause iyswim.

CarolinaMoon, you may think it obvious but for some people the new lack of freedom associated with having children is utterly shocking. It's no good saying to them 'well, you knew what it was going to be like'! And it's about more than not being able to go to the cinema when you feel like it, for a lot of us it's about the lack of personal freedom and headspace (god, that's an awful word, has anyone got anything equivalent meaning but better?)

After I had ds1 I was in such shock at how demanding babies are I thought that there must be some kind of mums' conspiracy where they just don't tell you what it's really like, but then I realised that however much someone tells you you can never know the strain and stress of it until it actually happens.

I didn't say I have never had a bad time in my life bk [irritated emoticon].

Personally I have found this thread really interesting and informative, thanks everyone.

Nailpolish, you only have to search through my thousands of archived posts to find me having a bad time with my kids .

I did admit I was lucky. I do have a positive outlook on life which really helps to keep the 'wolf from the door' I think.

WWW, it was a slightly flippant comment. I do hear what you're saying, and maybe I've got all this to come as my ds is only just crawling and not yet throwing tantrums or asking endless questions beginning with "why...?"

Personally, I find myself with a lot more "headspace" or whatever now than when I was at work. I am a SAHM and so I don't have the same organisational or time pressures as people who WOTH, and that's something I really appreciate at the moment.

enid, yeah well, the people on the other thread didn't say they invariably found it a negative experience either

What is your problem?

i think what i've said are fair responses to your comments.

what 'comments'?

actually, don't bother replying if you were going to. I've read enough to make me realise that you clearly have a massive chip on your shoulder about something or other.

Get over yourself.

has this thing kicked off yet?

(1)I was surprised at all the negative choices on the 'choose one word to describe being a mummy' thread. Is it really that hard?

think it's fair comment to ask you if you would have had a different response before you got your p/t job - you've mentioned yourself what a difference it's made.

(2) I didn't say I have never had a bad time in my life bk [irritated emoticon].

think it's fair comment to point out that just because there were "negative choices" on the other thread doesn't mean that others never have a good time either. and if you can be irritated, i can roll my eyes.