The 'correct' response when someone 'confesses' they are gay?

[Paolosgirl]

One of my close colleagues is gay, which makes not a jot of difference to me one way or t'other. He doesn't know I know, and I'm pretty sure he's been about to tell me on a couple of occasions recently. If he does 'fess up' what should my response be?

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Could you say "That's great, now I have someone to go shopping with me" or is that passe?

[Tinker]

I just said that we all knew anyway when I was "confessed" to. Which was true. He was just relieved to be able to be open about it.

[Tinker]

Oh, just read thread now and see that some people think the "I knew anyway" approach is wrong. Depends how you're told then. I felt quite privileged to be officially told.

[yespecan]

But how old is he? I mean I've had the 'blurting' it out, or the coming out, but not from grown-ups.

Won't he just say, 'Colin and I went walking in the Peak District last weekend. Have you ever been?'

and you'll say, 'No, I haven't. Did you both like it? where did you stay?'

and he'll say, 'Matlock Bath, which was a bit grim really'

and then you'll say

okay. You get the picture

he might say, 'you do know I'm gay don't you?' and you'll say, 'yes, I did, yes. Did you do mountain climbing?'

[dilemma456]

Message withdrawn

[whomovedmychocolate]

Unless you are a catholic priest, it's not a confession

When my brother came out, I said 'I thought you might be - thank you for telling me - how is it going?' which is probably very asinine but allowed him to talk at least. Can't think of anything worse than feeling you had to keep such a major part of yourself a secret for fear of being judged

[lljkk]

I've said (quite spontaneously, not scripted) "Good for you!" : as in, good that you feel confident enough to tell me that. I said something like "Oh! Lovely!" when I heard about another gay friend, too, which I think he quite appreciated.
I was genuinely happy for the confessors both times, Because you can't be happy if you can't be yourself, IYSWIM. So it is a good thing for them to be able to talk about, just say it out loud when and where they feel they want to.

In high school someone confided that he thought he might be gay. I replied "That's a Very hard Thing to be". Not very PC or supportive, but he was a close friend, I hated to think of the trouble in life he might encounter just because he was gay. He said that my response really stuck in his mind, but I don't think he minded. I think that he understood that I wasn't being critical, just concerned for him.

[LoveBeingAMummy]

Hester - opps I did the yeah i know route, mind you wasn't hard when saying things and reffering to a girls name

[Pennybubbly]

How about "ok".
What's the huge deal anyway? That's like a straight woman getting embarrassed over revealing she has a boyfriend or something!
How old is the guy?
Two of my close colleagues are gay (not a couple!) and as well as being fairly obvious, it was just mentioned in passing that "I went to x with x..."
If he wants to talk to you about his personal life then surely there's no need for embarrassment?
Or am I missing something?

[MmeLindt]

My mum's friend finally worked up the courage to come out to her teenage sons and their response was "Duuuuuuurrrrr. Like, we did not know already".

I like the "good for you" one, reminds me of the mayor of Berlin who came out at a press conference by saying, "ich bin schwul, und das ist auch gut so" (I am gay and that is good".

Such shame that it is still seen as a thing to be "confessed" like a dirty secret.

[Skimty]

I fucked this up.

One of my university friends changed his sexual orientation at around 27. He told us by saying, 'I've had a bit of a lifestyle change...' to which I replied 'You're not gay are you?' and then thought he was joking when he said yes.

In my defence he had gone out with a mutual friend (girl) for about 5 years and had had only hetereosexual relationships previously. It even shocked him when he realised.

So, don't go down that route...