What do you think about "not doing anything" when children are at school/nursery?

[morningpaper]

My daughter's peers are starting nurseries ... and I'm finding myself really SHOCKED at the fact that my mummy-friends aren't doing anything with their time while their children are out of the home. I asked a friend last week what she did and she said "Oh I just get home, tidy up a bit, have a coffee - and then I have to pick him up again!"

As I work from home there is ALWAYS some work I can do. I also do voluntary work and could always do with more time to get stuff done.

I also don't understand why their partners are happy with them just taking 'mornings off' to themselves - aren't they a bit miffed?

I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy! What do other people feel about this?!

Caligula: I have a friend who has two boys at school. I don't know how she fills her days but she is always complaining how she has no time to do anything. I don't see how her days constitute a 'tiny bit of spare time'.

Of course not, there's housework to be done

Yes, fraid so SoupD
I keep meaning to take on another role stuffing envelopes for charity or beating myself with a forked branch or even just scubbing the kitchen floor but I'm just TOOO lazy

MP - why don't you shadow her and find out?

MP: My DH does a lot actually. He does bath time, cooks a couple of times a week (as does DS1), did the school run for almost 2 years (through my pregnancy with the DTs until about a month ago). He comes to school events and goes on school trips. He hoovers, tidies, cleans (badly) and I go away for weekends a couple of times a year with friends. However, he gets a great break when he's at work and he's the one who says that. I don't think that my enjoying my reward of free time has anything to do with that actually. Unlike my DH I'm on call 24hrs cos sometimes however much he wants to help the kids want mummy and sadly the only one with that name in our house is me. I love and adore my family (huge as it is) but I also love and adore my time. My children get to see me and DH enjoying life. There's no shame in "doing nothing" for a couple of hours in the day. I don't and won't apologise for it. Just cos I've decided to take time for me when it affects no one else in the family doesn't mean that the other 22hours are mine and mine alone.

SoupD. I do. I try to cook a meal sometimes but don't usually manage.

I get home at 7. Bathe dd, read her a story, put her to bed. Then slump on sofa for 2 hours - usually fall asleep there too.

Don't SAHMs do the same?

"Do you think that those who choose to 'do nothing' in their child-free time DO have less equal relationships?"

Well, DH works full time, so any daytime spare time for him has to be at the weekend. Which means that I look after the kids. Therefore if there's child-free spare time available for me during the week (am SAHM), it seems more sensible that I should use it for my "me" time, rather than take more family time out of the weekend.

I don't, Flum, because I'm not a lazy c*w . Actually I "time shift" my days so that I do my chores in the evenings like ironing in front of the TV, cleaning/tidying during adverts or when there's f-all on TV.

I choose to do nothing some days but some mornings are filled with a course and doing voluntary work in the church cafe. I do a course on a Wed evening too (church related). But I am fairly lazy in as I have no problem doing nothing. I couldn't do nothing all the time though otherwise the house would be infested but I'm no domestic goddess.
A lot of mums I know who clean a lot seem to have a lot of nervous energy? I have one friend who gets excited about how many loads of washing she's managed to do!
We're all different thank goodness otherwise it'd be a boring world. Anyway, if I was as houseproud as my immaculate mates then who'd they have to feel superior about?

But it often seems a waste of a woman's education. I know doctors, a lawyer, couple of BBC folk and teachers whose kids are at school and just potter about all day, do yoga and take various classes. Of course, it s entirely up to them. But the country has paid for them to be trained! And they are just sitting around making a right royal meal of the housework and caring for their kids, having the time to get worked up about trivia. And I just think, do everyone a favour - including your kids who you shout at because you're bored stupid - and go back to work!

But do you work outside home Soup?

or do you do some housework in the evening so you can do stuff with the kids in the day time - is that what you mean?

When I was on maternity leave I found I did all the housework in the evening after baby in bed.

Now that I work I just find I do less housework!

Oh and dh and I have a very equal relationship. He idolises me and me him. He works extremely hard and long hours. I never expect him to do any cleaning or tidying but he does some.

I think we can all have a bit of "time out" while a child is at nursery fgs without being labelled "lazy". If you work from home, or have domestic things to do, there's not much time left anyway if it's a half day session we're talking about. My 4th and last child is 16m and will start morning playgroup - 3hr session- when he is rising 3 in Autumn 2006. Until then I have no prospect of a morning off at all, and I will have no guilt therefore at enjoying an uninterrupted coffee and read of the paper from Autumn 2006. Hardly the height of torpitude is it? My dh works hard and luckily I don't need to go "out" to work if I don't want to, and I have enough self esteem not to worry about being seen to be "busy" or "lazy" every second of the day until all my children are grown up .

"Curious: Do all mothers who go out to work slump on the sofa in the evening when the children are in bed?"
no - do ironing or washing or whatever

lol vp

tell it like it is

pmsl at marthamoo's " dh doesnt havea death wish"

seriously though, why do women feel the need to critcise each other so much

OK, I do washing sometimes
but it only takes 5 mins to switch on the machine and THEN slump

No, I'm a plain lazy SAHM with one in school and one in morning nursery. I shift my chores so any free "me" time is in the daylight. During which time I tidy up a little, drink coffee and shop. Oooh, and get to go the hairdressers without any major hassle. Or slump on the sofa if I so choose (which is no different from a working mother slumping on the sofa in the evening IMO).

I can't get away from my "work". The little b*ggers keep finding me wherever I hide.

Exactly fio2.

yes guilty of slumping on sofa when kids in bed (actually I cook supper 99% of the time and sort out everything for next day first)

I don't know fio?

mars! hi [wave wave] im here what ever you are saying i agree with you totally and if it involves being invited to galleries and dinner with wine in 100% behind you hunn lol

I think the idea that it is a waste of a woman's education for her to relax and enjoy life, is utterly philistine. Surely the point of me being educated is so that I can listen to Melvyn Bragg while I unload the dishwasher, not so that I can make money?

lol triple A!

To answer Soupy's question...no. am out of house 7.30am to 5.30pm, then working on chores, time with children etc til 9.30pm or so. Some chores can be done in front of TV, as you say...or not at all .
Personally I feel any parent is entitled to grab me time when they can. If that means vegging out or doing something purely enjoyable between chores and chasing around after your children, way to go. I must admit I'd love to have the flexibility, and am ious but not begrudging IYSIM.