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Original poster

please help, i had children's social services round today

57 replies

Hther · 09/06/2009 20:47

to do an intial assessment, as my friends had been concerned. I'd been feeling low, because they'd of things they'd done and they were concerned I was suicidal so rang them last week. They came today, are going to ring school, HV etc and get back to me. Although a children's centre worker who had been supporting me said she hadn't heard from them but that she guessed they would want to, the sw said they had spoken to her. I got back to her again and she still said they hadn't spoken with her. Then SS got back to me again and said this worker had raised concerns herself, after my friends had.

I dont know what to do, SS said they dont know which way its going to go but they're a bit anxious tha i have 4 such young ones to cope with

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Original poster
Hther · 11/06/2009 22:14

thanks

i wasn't worried at first, i thought life is mad i could do with some help. Then when I found what they were concerned about I couldn't believe it. If they think those are cause to be concerned they have some funny ideas

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Yurtgirl · 11/06/2009 22:18

Hi Hther
I am sorry you are having a difficult time and sorry also that I dont know how to help specifically with this problem

I did want to suggest though that if you have a homestart service in your area one of their volunteers could really help you/give you support and friendship, 2 hours visit each week to chat to you and help out with the kids homestart

LesbianMummy1 · 11/06/2009 22:18

off to bed soon but email me and will be in touch tomorrow afternoon keep your chin up

Original poster
Hther · 12/06/2009 20:33

got you email lesbianmummy, thanks, ahve emailed you back

things are looking even worse now

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Original poster
Hther · 15/06/2009 17:25

its going well, they are really nice, feeling lots better said some lovely things

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LesbianMummy1 · 17/06/2009 13:25

hi have emailed you

BCNS · 17/06/2009 13:31

just to let you know I found that ss were fab.. just be you, be open , honest they are there to help.

Original poster
Hther · 17/06/2009 20:58

are you able to say in what way, were they involved because you asked thm to, because of a diabled child?

after reading up it looks like they have to complete their initial assessment within 7 days, or it may be qickeer than that if they have serious concerns, so maybe i will hear something soon

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BCNS · 17/06/2009 21:07

Hter.. one of my delightful ds's reported me ( and lied btw) to school that he was beaten. when in fact he wasn't.. it was all fine in the end and just had my sign of letter through.. the ss were great, and wa actually praised LOL.

Original poster
Hther · 17/06/2009 21:20

thanks for telling me, what was that last bit, about a sign off letter, you mean you have just had one? so it was recent? What is the sign off letter? Very exhausted from sleepless nights so being a bit thick tonight!

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BCNS · 17/06/2009 21:26

lol yes quiet recent.. well ss write a report about what the find and whether any action is to be taken. i.e. how they might suport you etc. so a sign off is where they tick the no further acton box.

honestly please try not to worry, they are there to help. if your finding it over stressful..pop to the GP as they can help too and just be honest with the ss.

Original poster
Hther · 17/06/2009 21:30

its bad though, looked good the other day when i posted, they said lovely things about my parenting, said i didnt give myself enough credit, then it turend out they had more to ask me, it was sensitive stuff they ahdnt wanted to mention before, i was horrified, didn't know what they were referring to, answered as best as i could but i'm very confused

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Snorbs · 17/06/2009 22:07

Hther, how it works is that SS is obliged to do an initial assessment within 7 days whenever they get a referral. The initial assessment is fairly lightweight.

If they think there could be a problem they'll then go on to do a more detailed Core Assessment and they've got a month or so to do that. Only 20% of initial assessments go on to needing a core assessment.

At that point, SS may decide that there isn't a problem after all, they may decide that the problem isn't particularly serious but that you need a bit of help (the most likely outcome at this point), or they may think there's a significant risk in which case it can go on to a Child Protection Register case conference. The case conference will then decide whether the children are at significant risk, what help should be offered to the family, and what they'll want to see improve. The vast majority of children on the child protection register are on it for less than a year and will continue live with their parent(s) while on it.

My kids have been on the Register (my ex is an alcoholic) and scary and intrusive as the Social Services intervention was, they did help my family. SS is far from perfect but they're not the child-snatchers they're sometimes made out to be. They really are there to help.

I would stress, though, that it is vitally important to make sure you understand what it is they're asking of you (and follow it up in writing), be honest, and accept that SS's work is horrendously bureaucratic so what appears in their paperwork is important. If they've written down something wrong (and they will; social workers are ridiculously overloaded with cases) correct it ASAP and in writing.

Original poster
Hther · 17/06/2009 22:16

thanks snorbs, so it should be completed tomorrow then.

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Original poster
Hther · 17/06/2009 22:19

i find it so horrible having eveyone talk about me. And embarrassing.

They so ask for my permission first though, before they speak to someone.I always say yes, even though i don't like being talked about

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Original poster
Hther · 18/06/2009 17:09

i've not heard anything yet

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bumpybecky · 18/06/2009 21:21

bump

SolidGoldBrass · 18/06/2009 21:37

Hthr, have you any mental health problems and if so are you recieving treatment for them? Or if the problem is something else, is it being addressed? I get the very strong impression that there is something important that you are not saying - you don't have to say it on here, obviously - but it may be that there are other organisations where you could seek specialist help for what the problem is.

Snorbs · 18/06/2009 21:38

I remember how nerve-wracking it is to end up sitting there wondering what's happening. You have my sympathies.

On the other hand, it doesn't mean that there's anything to worry about. As our SW explained to me, the targets they've got for doing particular reports by particular times are just that, targets, and they're often missed. If the SW who's doing your initial report has been called away to deal with an urgent court case or something then all his/her other reports will be put on the back-burner.

But do give the SW a call tomorrow and (politely) ask when you can expect the report.
It's not fair for them to keep you in the dark.

ShinyPinkShoes · 18/06/2009 21:42

First of all- the fact that you have had contact from a social worker does not necessarily at risk of losing custody of your children.

The emphasis now is to keep children within their homes unless they are at serious risk of harm or neglect. You know better than us what level you are functioning at so it's hard to advise you in any more detail than that really.The best thing you can do is to be honest with them- tell them the times of the day/situations that you find trickiest and ask them to help you. SW's are there to help you be a strong parent, and to support you in meeting your own needs too so try to see this as a support network.

You say you are attending a Sure Start centre- that's positive. What services are you accessing there and what professional are you having contact with?

I am sure this all feels bloody frightening to you right now, but this assessment could be a wholly positive thing in terms of all the professionals you have contact with joining together and communicating to put a good package of support for you.

I hope that helps to reassure you a bit

ShinyPinkShoes · 18/06/2009 21:44

Sorry that was appallingly written- I'm using a different computer this evening and am having keyboard problems!

Original poster
Hther · 18/06/2009 22:08

thanks for replies.

it was looking so well, the children were wonderful, teacher, HV, childrens centre etc have said wodnerful things, i should dtop feeling guilty that i don't do enough exciting things with them as i couldn't possibly doing anything more than I am, that what i do is nothing short of amazing, they saw first time how string the bond is, i don't give myself enough credit, one of their main concerns was that i never got a break

Anyway they then got back to me the next day and said that there had been things they hadn't felt able to discuss before, when were the children likely to be asleep so we could talk more openly? They then asked me and their Dad if there had been problems in the past, I explained that there had and that we are now ok now we are separated. They then mentioned something i haven't got a clue what they were referrig to so i honestly couldn't answer them, eventually thought they may be referring to something only remotely similar and told them about that and they said things seemed a bit clearer now. Thats it, haven't heard since, other than they have been in touch with homestart to get me some support

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ShinyPinkShoes · 18/06/2009 22:10

Sorry Hther that last bit didn't really make sense.
What other information have they had, and what is the incident they referred to?

Original poster
Hther · 18/06/2009 22:14

sorry, very sensitive subject, something happened to me years back, nothing very serious, from someone i used to clean for, who tarcked me down at my new address. After getting help with it, (I never went into details about what happened or say who did it) i was given a domestic violence leaflet and thought i hope they don't think it was their dad that did this).

They were concerned about this i think, although what they actually mentioned was something much worse, this is the nearest thing i can think of

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Blu · 18/06/2009 22:18

Hther, were you assaulted?