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Original poster

Playdate etiquette - is it me???

75 replies

emkana · 07/04/2005 19:00

We went for a playdate today - to the house of one of dd1's nursery friends. There was girl X there who is nearly seven and girl Y who is nearly four, just like my dd1. Girl X spent the afternoon in her parents' darkened bedroom, watching The Incredibles. Girl Y spent the afternoon playing on the Cbeebies website in her bedroom. My dd1 and dd2 were basically left to their own devices. Dd1 spent ages just looking on as girl Y played on the computer. The mother didn't say anything to her daughters and just said to me something like "Oh well, what are they like."
Is it me or is this not quite right?
I mean girl X is obviously older and it wasn't her friend, so fair enough, even though I still think it's a bit sad. But girl Y...

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 07/04/2005 19:11

Odd. What was the point? I'd have been very embarrassed if they were my kids.

Hulababy · 07/04/2005 19:15

Very odd. Why wasn't girl Y playing??? Surely that is what a play date is all about???

I have no issue with girl X not coming to join in - not her friend, etc. but girl Y should have been playing with her friend. Very strange.

Original poster
emkana · 07/04/2005 19:18

So if your child behaved like that (which they probably wouldn't ) would you make them play with the visiting child? I would, and I would get very very cross indeed if dd1 didn't play nicely with her friend. Of course they can sometimes just play alongside each other or with different things, but not like this...
At the very least dd1 should have been allowed to have a go!

OP posts:
BethAndHerBrood · 07/04/2005 19:19

Goodness!!! How rude!!!

"please come to my house for the afternoon, we can have a cup of coffee, and your children can be ignored"

I don't think so!!!!

stitch · 07/04/2005 19:22

its so funny how people think that certain behaviour is perfectly acceptable.
i guess it was a good thing that at least you had gone along on the playdate. in future dont accept invites from these people.

WideWebWitch · 07/04/2005 19:24

I'd have made mine play with visiting child or tried to get visting child involved in what they were doing, i.e we were wondernig about watching The Incredibles, would you like to watch it? that kind of thing. Very rude otherwise imo.

bundle · 07/04/2005 19:39

we don't have a pootah at home but when dd1 is at her friend's they have to take it in turns (the mum/dad make sure they do)

WigWamBam · 07/04/2005 19:41

I think it's incredibly rude, too. I think I'd have said "we'll come back when your daughter is feeling more sociable" and taken my dd to do something more fun, to be honest.

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 19:42

I recently turned up to a playdate, saw the telly was on and switched it off without thinking.

The host didn't object but I realised afterwards that they might have thought it was perfectly ok!

(NOT in my book! Telly is plain RUDE!)

cupcakes · 07/04/2005 19:46

weird. My ds recently went to tea at a friend from school's house. The friend wanted to play football which my ds didn't so the friend went outside and played anyway with his older brother whilst my ds stayed indoors and played with the sister. I didn't really mind as he seemed to have had an ok time but he hasn't asked to go back there again. And I wouldn't have allowed him to act like that with a guest at our house.

colditzmum · 07/04/2005 19:51

Actually MP if you came to my house and switched my TV off without asking, I would think that was very very rude!

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:09

Really? The 'playdate' host (2.5 years, same as mine) was sitting there watching CBeebies. There is no way I would ask someone to 'play' and expect them to sit in front of the telly! It was my automatic response when I walked into the room! I was embarassed for the host.

DH says I am a 'tv nazi' though.

LGJ · 07/04/2005 20:14

Mp

Girl after my own heart

I have never turned one off, but I do say to the relevant Mum, sorry can we turn that off ? I feel as though I am competing with background noise and the kids aren't watching it.

They soon get the message.

hatsoff · 07/04/2005 20:20

I agree that it was a bit odd and possible to perceive it as rude but take a look from the other mum's side and the girl's side. Firstly are the girls actually good friends? I have learnt from experience that there's not much point trying to impose friendships on four year olds - you can't really force them to play together. From the mum's point of view - based on what Emkana has said - we don't actually know that despite her apparent "what are they like" approach - that she wasn't actually mortified and very embarrassed, but not the sort to want to make a big thing out of it infront of guests. For all we know the girl may have got a right old bollocking after Emkana left. For all we know the mum might have known that to tell her off and to turn the computer off would have created a hideous scene that she didn't want to have to deal with infront of others (aren't we all on here regularly saying how blumin hard work they are?) She may well have deeply regretted having the computer on, saying yes to it and may plan next time on doing things differently. I may be completely wrong, maybe they are rude and not very clued up, I'm just saying she's a mum like the rest of us, so, based on what Emkana says, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

Fimbo · 07/04/2005 20:20

Surely the mother should have switched the computer off. Very rude.
LOL at MP turning the TV off by accident.

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:22

Oooh definitely not accident... Just didn't think twice that someone else would be embarassed by having it on when a visitor arrived.

It's not like I wanted them to stand up when I entered the room (did anyone else have to do that to grown-ups when they were children?!).

bundle · 07/04/2005 20:24

i also think it's pretty rude to turn someone else's telly off, even if you think it's rude to be watching it in the first place.

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:25

I am a telly nazi... can't deny it!

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:25

But really, if I wanted to stick my dd in front of the telly I'd have stayed at home and read the paper...

hatsoff · 07/04/2005 20:26

I think it's rude to have it on and rude to switch it off iyswim. I wouldn;t do either

LGJ · 07/04/2005 20:27

which paper ??

The morning paper ??

Hulababy · 07/04/2005 20:27

I agree with hatsoff - rude to have it on if someone is round (unless specifically round to watch something) but equally as rude to turn off someone else's TV too.

cupcakes · 07/04/2005 20:28

I wouldn't have the telly on either. But I wouldn't turn it off at someone elses house without asking. Not if you are a guest in their home (unless you don't want to be asked back ).

morningpaper · 07/04/2005 20:29

I am rude then ... but I feel, morally superior.

(The Guardian of course!)

LIZS · 07/04/2005 20:38

Genrally I don't excpect them to spend the afternoon watching tv or on computer either at someone else's house. tbh mine watch enough at home anyway and I arrange playdates as an alternative activity. Have been on playdates where they have been allowed whilst the host's child finishes off ie. if midway through the programme, normally with a slightly embarrassed mum saying do you mind if...

Personally wouldn't have expected girl x to have participated but mum could have distracted girl y away from computer, I would have thought. dd is similar age and I wouldn't let her do that with friends round. Not sure I'd see the point in going there again.

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