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Original poster

Playdate etiquette - is it me???

75 replies

emkana · 07/04/2005 19:00

We went for a playdate today - to the house of one of dd1's nursery friends. There was girl X there who is nearly seven and girl Y who is nearly four, just like my dd1. Girl X spent the afternoon in her parents' darkened bedroom, watching The Incredibles. Girl Y spent the afternoon playing on the Cbeebies website in her bedroom. My dd1 and dd2 were basically left to their own devices. Dd1 spent ages just looking on as girl Y played on the computer. The mother didn't say anything to her daughters and just said to me something like "Oh well, what are they like."
Is it me or is this not quite right?
I mean girl X is obviously older and it wasn't her friend, so fair enough, even though I still think it's a bit sad. But girl Y...

OP posts:

Bozza · 07/04/2005 21:04

Actually we are a little odd because never have tv on in a morning usually. But when DS has a friend over and they've been playing for a while I let them put a DVD on to chill out. However DS had his friend over last Friday am and after about 1 hr they asked for Lion King. But then DS's friend had had enough and wanted to go off and play. So I stopped the film and made DS go play with friend, promising he could finish off watching later in the day when friend had gone home. Think this is reasonable although DS didn't. DS is 4.

Earlybird · 07/04/2005 21:09

The only time dd watches telly when a friend is over is at the end of the playdate. We use it as "quiet time" for the 10 or 15 minutes before the friend is collected. Usually dd and the friend will sit on the sofa together or lie on the beanbag. It's a nice way of calming them down after all the excitement of playing.

Emkana, I agree that what happened to you/dd wasn't right. Even at such a young age, children shouldn't be allowed to ignore/be rude to their guests.

flashingnose · 07/04/2005 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

binkybetsy · 07/04/2005 21:10

Where do you get these mystical all powerful devices?

flashingnose · 07/04/2005 21:13

All your friends are going to spend a fortune on TV repairmen.

ionesmum · 07/04/2005 21:29

Glad I read this, Firstly, I think that your friend was soooooooo rude, emkana. Secondly, have realised how many times dd1 has had Cbeebies on in the background when friends have visited . I wanted to cut out her telly time and this has given me the incentive!

flashingnose · 07/04/2005 21:32

Get a TVBGONE ionesmum and she'll think you've got a dodgy telly

binkybetsy · 07/04/2005 21:34

Please will someone tell me where you get them from?

flashingnose · 07/04/2005 21:35

just for you binkybetsy

ionesmum · 07/04/2005 21:36

good idea, even dd2 is too aware of the ordinary remote control!

binkybetsy · 07/04/2005 21:40

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, flashingnose. I'm buying one!
Guard your tv's girls!!

WideWebWitch · 08/04/2005 07:15

I'd be pissed off if someone turned the tv off in my house without asking me, it's rude.

tigermoth · 08/04/2005 07:56

I think if you, as a guest, turn off the host's TV , you are responsible for the consequences - calming tantrums and getting the childern involved in more meaningful play.

I would be cross if a guest did this in my house tbh. I wouldn't mind them asking me to turn down the sound or seeing if we could move to another room.

Emkana, I think the parents of girlx were in the wrong. I would never expect my children's friend to amuse themselves from the beginning to end of a playdate. I don't mind tv and computers being used, as long as everyone is happy - and I check up on this reguarly.

Perhaps girlX's mother really likes you and wanted to talk to you uninterruped by children? Perhaps she hoped that by plonking them in front of the tv, you could have a nice, long chat?

morningpaper · 08/04/2005 08:27

I think if you, as a guest, turn off the host's TV , you are responsible for the
consequences - calming tantrums and getting the childern involved in more meaningful play.

I find the only consequences are that children tend to snap out of their trances and start interacting with other people ... It's like watching a stage hypnotist, "...3,2,1 and you're back in the room."

I started having fantasties last night of aiming a TVBGONE at the television wall in Argos... or the sports channel TVs in the pub...

bobbybob · 08/04/2005 08:29

morningpaper - I have been known to turn other people's TVs off as well. Whole room full of 1 year olds playing, all mum's talking, advertorials on TV - ds went over to lick the TV (probably wondered what it was) so as I extricated him from the screen I also pressed the off switch. Nobody noticed as far as I could tell.

Second time, video had finished and snow was playing. Removed video, put away neatly and turned off TV while the mum was changing a nappy.

flamesparrow · 08/04/2005 08:30

Ooh - with regards to the original situation... that seems really odd that she didn't make the little ones play together. I don't care what they do as long as they play (although mine is young enough still for me to have not come across her not wanting to play with anyone).

TV... Possibly asking if it can be turned off might have been better, but TBH, I probably wouldn't have even noticed you turning it off!!! I gradually turn the sound down at Psycho's house (6 or so kids there when I am round means that the tv gets very loud to be heard over the ones playing), and when it is so low that they can't hear it, and no-one has complained, then I turn it off ... nice and gradual and no tantrumming kiddies!!!

flashingnose · 08/04/2005 08:32

What's wrong with an old fashioned "Do you mind if I turn this off?"

saadia · 08/04/2005 08:32

I wouldn't mind if a good friend turned off the tv in my house, but if it was someone I didn't know that well I would think it was a bit forward. Having said that, I do think it's wrong to have the tv on anyway when you have guests.

Also agree with what most people have said - esp victoriapeckham - real friends are more important than electronic ones. The mother was not teaching dds proper manners and was not helping them to develop friendship skills.

flamesparrow · 08/04/2005 08:39

In the case of Psycho's place... the older ones hear a suggestion of turning it off and are suddenly very interested in watching it again. Just the same way they are suddenly hungry if chocolate cake is mentioned!!!

bobbybob · 08/04/2005 20:37

I only turned off TV's that nobody was watching anyway.

Original poster

emkana · 08/04/2005 20:44

Well today we had one of dd1's friends here (and her Mum) and it was lovely! Played a game together, they did some colouring/sticking together, ate lunch together... the time passed quickly and they had great fun.

I hope the children I was talking about yesterday have times like that, too.

OP posts:

Eowyn · 08/04/2005 20:56

Two of my friends have the TV on ALL day whenever we are round, usually childrens progs. The children ignore it, no one watches, I don't understand what the point is. If scared of silence (my dh seems to be) why not listen to music?
I didn't have a TV for 3 yrs a while ago, still feel quite smug. Just had to go round mil's to watch Lady Chatterley iirc.

ionesmum · 08/04/2005 21:17

Been thinking about this, and have decided that I'd rather someone just switched the telly off (unless it was blindingly obvious we were really enjoying something)as in a 'I'll switch this off for you - knew you were about to do it anyway' kind of a way, rather than say, 'Do you mind if we switch that off?', which I would take as criticism, rightly or wrongly.

Actually it's not the dds or myself that has the telly on all the time, it's dh, he's another one that can't stand to be in the house if it's silent. We do put music on instead and I'm really making an effort where the dds are concerned to put a cap on what they watch.

tigermoth · 09/04/2005 08:56

I have to disagree ionesmum, if anyone switched the TV off in my house, it would seem like an invasion of my space - unless there was some emergency.

I hate the TV blaring away and turn if off a lot. I don't like having the TV on when guests are visiting. If the TV was on, I'd expect any visitor to ask me before switching off the box. Take your point about implied criticism, though - hope they would ask in a 'I know you were going to do this anyway' type of way.

Morningpaper, you do sound rather trigger happy with your TVBGONE! there's no compromising for you, is there If children are watching TV, I'd warn them the TV would be switching off soon, or let them watch the end of a programme. I just like a peaceful life I guess!

iota · 09/04/2005 09:03

once again I'm ad odds to the rst of you - when kids come for a playdate, I le tem do what they want.

The 5 yr old oftem does playstation with his friend. The 3 yr old and his friends often do separate activities. As long as they're not fighting, I don't worry

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