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Original poster

HELP! People who have moved to the country from London I need your advice (long, sorry)...

432 replies

CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 13:25

Am having a mare

We live in London currently in a lovely house in v nice area (which we are just finishing doing up) with lots of friends, great primary schools, dd just settled in brilliant nursery, easy journey to work etc...

AND NOW....dh has been offered an excellent job in Winchester. I grew up there and am tbh not overly keen on going back, though if I look at it objectively I can see the benefits (near parents, bigger house with garden 10 x size of current one, no planes, traffic etc, dh will have much chiller lifestyle, we will get to do country things (whatever those are, stumbling around in shite IME))

BUT... I love living in London. I have lived here for 20 years, I love it. When I go to the country I go bonkers. Everything is so slow and annoying. The shops are crap. The food is awful and even nice restaurants give you bloody baby corn and mange tout with everything. Culture is non-existant (I love theatre, opera, gigs etc and go a lot). I will miss all my friends. Plus I will have to commute 4 days a week and it would add at least 40 mins each way onto my journey, but not sure I would really mind that as could sleep in the morning and work in the evening (or drink v&t lol!) I would still see dd in the evenings.

My question is, once I am there, would I chill out and stop being such an arsehole about all this or am I doomed to a life of dissatisfaction and woe? I don't want to go if so!

Other downsides - the schools are nowhere near as good, would have to pay for private in all probablility. There is nothing to do as a teenager but get pissed and take drugs. There is NO WAITROSE (ok that is my main problem I admit )

I really really want to do this for dh. He reckons he has no prospects in London. This firm tried to get him twice already and he turned them down (about 3 years ago). They are, for them, offering him the earth. He will take a paycut but will have much better prospects and life. I want to make him happy but I don't want to make myself miserable in the process.

WHAT DO I DO?

OP posts:
bundle · 16/03/2005 14:30

what are your long-term plans? say in 10 years' time where would you/he like to be?

iota · 16/03/2005 14:31

thinking about it, if dh only has to go to Winchester 2 days a week, the most obvious thing to do is to stay where you are now.

ks · 16/03/2005 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pinkmama · 16/03/2005 14:35

CD, just wanted to make a comment on relocating as its something we have done twice now. First move was from my home town and dh's uni city. DD was 7 months. We both worked full time and found it incredibly hard to make friends (if you dont meet anyone at work, where do you get them?). We didnt settle at all. Then 3 years later, when dd almost 4 we moved to Brighton as dh needed to be near london, but I didnt want to live there. For the first 6 months it was quite hard, we had no friends and a new baby as well as dd. However dd started school that september, and at that point I made lots of new friends, a handfull who have become very special and close. I am not naturally outgoing, but was so desperate to make it work here that I went out of my way to talk to people and make the first move.

Think what I am saying, in clumsy pregnant brain freeze way is, not sure what others experience is, but it might be hard to make friends with you both working. Perhaps by doing what others have suggested and getting dh to commute for a period of time, he could see if he meets anyone through work you could be friends with, and then if you make the move, do it when dd nearing school age, that way you might have a much easier pool of people to draw upon.

sorry, what a lot of wittering that seems!

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:35

why different ks?

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 16/03/2005 14:36

Ks - I should think so too. Pod people indeed - tsk!

I think I remember reading (but not posting on)some of your threads where you agonised about having moved away from the Smoke and your difficulties in settling in. Glad it worked out for you in the end

ks · 16/03/2005 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wild · 16/03/2005 14:43

My immediate reaction is ask your dh to commute. It's against the traffic so to speak so he'd have a reasonably pleasant journey, not too far. I left London to move out and still miss it so much. I am settling in now but still loathe the lack of any cultural life, the petty gossip, ,the pace (or lack of) yes and all that effing mud. Sounds like you have a great life as it is, I'd stay put. I'd move back myself any day soon if only I could afford to!

RudyDudy · 16/03/2005 14:48

We went through the same thought process when we found out we were pg the first time. That was obviously from a completely different perspective as we just wanted to consider all our options about where we wanted to bring up a family. We both feel pretty much as you do about London and couldn't contemplate living anywhere else. I am fairly confident (without having done it obviously) that we would both be less happy than we are now. It does sound from your posts like you would be unhappy and you being unhappy where you live is surely as bad as your DH being unhappy in his job? Him commuting 2 days a week does sound like the best option.

motherinferior · 16/03/2005 14:49

Oooh, sweetie, good luck. Have to say that occasionally I think about moving out but I wouldn't have to commute; and quite frankly if I lived round your neck of the woods I wouldn't contemplate it.

Ahem.

Caligula · 16/03/2005 14:51

Now you've gone through all the options, it's a no-brainer - stay where you are for now and he can commute 2 days a week (because after all, one of you could get offered another job in a completely different place in 5 years time). And sod the dog! He can make do with slumming it in Richmond Park, the way all those other city dogs have to!

Caligula · 16/03/2005 14:52

(Not that I'm obsessed with your dog or anything!)

Frieda · 16/03/2005 14:54

We're contemplating leaving London for the country, and I have very mixed feelings about it. For me, on major stumbling block is the prospect of ds as a teenager having nothing to do except hang around the war memorial smoking dope (or worse), and me having to ferry him around everywhere. I'd really love to hear any positive stories of teenage country living, if anyone has any.

RudyDudy · 16/03/2005 14:55

So are you staying then CD?

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:56

dunno am trying to get through to dh on phone now but he is on it

OP posts:
bundle · 16/03/2005 14:56

would never move from london to the "country" only to another urban setting as i would go bonkers. but would consider moving out of london when our girls are a bit bigger

beatie · 16/03/2005 14:59

Can we just clarify that Winchester is a city and not the country?

bundle · 16/03/2005 15:00

exactly

beachyhead · 16/03/2005 15:02

Stay, stay, stay.....you need a postcode and do you want your kids hanging out round the bus shelter 'cos there is bugger all else to do!!!!!Sorry, they will carry me out of London in a box..... (probably will, though!!!!)

How about a weekend pad near there and try working from home one day a week (you on Fridays and him on Mondays) would work until the kids are at school.

katierocket · 16/03/2005 15:04

can I just ask - what do children do in london, while those in teh country are hanging around taking drugs?

Lonelymum · 16/03/2005 15:04

Frieda, while acknowledging beatie's comment that Winchester is a city and not the country, I know most Londoners consider if Hicksville. In which case, yes I can give you a positive teenager experience of living in the country. I had it! I would move back to Winchester any day. I did like London in my 20s and was gutted to move, but it I had stayed there, I would have wanted my children to have the country upbringing I had and would have moved eventually.

alicatsg · 16/03/2005 15:04

ok in favour of non-London loving - or indeed living - as a teenager

  • I didn't even know about drugs till 21 despite being a punk and goth (fickle? moi?)
  • I got a good education cos there was f-all else to do
  • I have great friends from those days of boredom
katierocket · 16/03/2005 15:05

don't children brought up in cities become more streetwise at an earlier age? (And when I use the term streetwise I do so in a negative sense)

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 15:08

alicatsg you weren't a proper punk then

I am exaggerating. There were lots of nice things

I went to a good school and had a good education
I had lots of friends
I was very fit and played lots of tennis/cycled a lot
There are about 100000 pubs in a square mile so was never short of a watering hole

The cinema closed when I was 16
The theatre was crap so rarely went
There really was very little to do other than lurk around town.

In London there is a lot more to do, billions of cinemas, exhibitions, theatres etc. Do teenagers use it? I don't know.

OP posts:
Frieda · 16/03/2005 15:09

Where did you grow up, alicatsg?

I must say, whenever I find myself wondering about the whole teenage thing, I remind myself that dh grew up in London and seemed to spend most of his teenage years (well, according to his mum) sitting in his bedroom listening to dodgy music and dyeing his hair black. Which sounds very much like my teenage years in the sticks.