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Original poster

HELP! People who have moved to the country from London I need your advice (long, sorry)...

432 replies

CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 13:25

Am having a mare

We live in London currently in a lovely house in v nice area (which we are just finishing doing up) with lots of friends, great primary schools, dd just settled in brilliant nursery, easy journey to work etc...

AND NOW....dh has been offered an excellent job in Winchester. I grew up there and am tbh not overly keen on going back, though if I look at it objectively I can see the benefits (near parents, bigger house with garden 10 x size of current one, no planes, traffic etc, dh will have much chiller lifestyle, we will get to do country things (whatever those are, stumbling around in shite IME))

BUT... I love living in London. I have lived here for 20 years, I love it. When I go to the country I go bonkers. Everything is so slow and annoying. The shops are crap. The food is awful and even nice restaurants give you bloody baby corn and mange tout with everything. Culture is non-existant (I love theatre, opera, gigs etc and go a lot). I will miss all my friends. Plus I will have to commute 4 days a week and it would add at least 40 mins each way onto my journey, but not sure I would really mind that as could sleep in the morning and work in the evening (or drink v&t lol!) I would still see dd in the evenings.

My question is, once I am there, would I chill out and stop being such an arsehole about all this or am I doomed to a life of dissatisfaction and woe? I don't want to go if so!

Other downsides - the schools are nowhere near as good, would have to pay for private in all probablility. There is nothing to do as a teenager but get pissed and take drugs. There is NO WAITROSE (ok that is my main problem I admit )

I really really want to do this for dh. He reckons he has no prospects in London. This firm tried to get him twice already and he turned them down (about 3 years ago). They are, for them, offering him the earth. He will take a paycut but will have much better prospects and life. I want to make him happy but I don't want to make myself miserable in the process.

WHAT DO I DO?

OP posts:
RudyDudy · 16/03/2005 14:10

Can you imagine yourself in 5 years time having made the move and how you might feel?

And vice versa

If you didn't go what would DH do?

ks · 16/03/2005 14:11

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RudyDudy · 16/03/2005 14:11

hmc - nothing is a 5 min drive away in London

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:11

RudyDudy that is the heart of the matter.

I don't know is the honest answer. He could get a job in london but would have no prospects to speak of which would make him unhappy.

OP posts:
iota · 16/03/2005 14:11

CD - if you are continuing to work in London can't you still go out in London after work?

I moved from London to Milton Keynes about 10 years ago - I have a very different lifestyle now as I was young free and in a couple in London, but have 2 x small boys now, so social life has taken a dive. dh is currently commuting to London , but then it's less than an hour from here.

Janh · 16/03/2005 14:12

Different W, ks

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:14

Not that I know of ks, think she is sticking around her current manor.

iota it's not the going out per se, I don't often go out after work tbh. It's the friends on tap, lots of socialising and fun with them, I would miss that a lot.
Oh god and would have to give up Arsenal Season tickets

OP posts:
RudyDudy · 16/03/2005 14:14

Is him commuting a possibility?

Lonelymum · 16/03/2005 14:14

The sea is more than half an hour away unless you count Southampton docks as the sea! Winchester may be 8 miles from the coast as the crow flies but there is coast and then there is coast.

CD, I still think your best bet would be for dh to commute down the days he would have to (not even every day FGS) for six months and then see how you feel. It is not as if you do not know the place, is it? You don't need to go down there to get a feel for it: you already know what it is like. Get dh to commute for 6 months and then decide what is best based on his ability to commute.

alicatsg · 16/03/2005 14:14

its pretty hard going out post work when you commute to/from London cos you're limited by trains. I rarely manage it because I do find it harder to relax and enjoy knowing I have a deadline looming. .

Janh · 16/03/2005 14:15

How long would his day be if he commuted?

ks · 16/03/2005 14:15

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:16

Yes, think I will suggest that he tries working from london 3 days and winch 2 days.

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 16/03/2005 14:17

Is your dd in school now?

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:17

ks it is only 53 mins from Waterloo. TBH that is not my worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:17

No she is in nursery, just moved her there from having a nanny.

OP posts:
HandbagAddiction · 16/03/2005 14:18

CD - what a dilemna!

My little contribution would be.....on the food side - there is a lovely Hotel du Vin in Winchester. Have stayed there once and eaten there several times in there bistro. It was lovely.

Also - would you have to live in Winchester - couldn't you perhaps compromise so that neither of you has the long commute and live somewhere in between. So - somewhere like Guildford for example, which is a lot more cosmopolitan, has stacks more shops (including LK Bennett and Whistles), a good theatre which is on the pre-West end tour, etc. Commute for you would only be 35 minutes and for your dh it would be straight down the A31 against the normal run of traffic...

Worth a thought??

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:18

I bet in 6 months dh would know if he liked it or not. And if the prospects are realistic.

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:20

HandbagAddiction, we have thought about that but then we lose the biggest benefit of moving ie parents nearby.

OP posts:
beatie · 16/03/2005 14:20

Did you ever, over the past 20 years, have an inclination to move out of London? If you never had that thought then I'd say you really, really shouldn't be considering this move whilst DH has the chance to commute out for just two days per week. there's no decision to be made.

If DH commutes, he'll get to know work colleagues and find other people who have made such a move from London to Winchester. HIS views might change, either negatively or positively. It's best to wait and see.

ks · 16/03/2005 14:20

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Lonelymum · 16/03/2005 14:21

Just a suggestio and call me cheeky if you like, but would you consider a husband swap? I could go and live in Winchester with your dh and you could come and live with mine. We can negotiate on the children: your dd and my 4 animals....

handlemecarefully · 16/03/2005 14:24

Oh ks - you are asking for it!

I'll leave it to some others to wade in as I don't do 'indignant' all that well!

bossykate · 16/03/2005 14:25

seems there are 2 realistic options on the table:
(1) either your dh does the commute to the job in W/chester and the rest of you carry on as before
(2) give it a try for 6 - 12m, renting out your house in the mean time. if you can't bear the thought of the commute would it be possible for you to take a sabbatical for the 6 - 12m. you could use this time to check out the job and housing market locally in depth and also to perform an extensive reconnaissance of the the area just in case there are any restaurants and cultural venues that have escaped your notice till now . if you don't like it, you can simply move back.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 16/03/2005 14:29

I think option 1 is the best bk

Beatie yes, we have thought about it before. Most recently 3 years ago when I was pg and panicking about lack of support and wanted to be near parents, and dh was offered job there

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