Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

I'm a terrible Mum - finding it really hard to like ds1 atm.

64 replies

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 15:33

I feel awful Ds1 (8 in a couple of weeks) is driving me mad. He sets my teeth on edge - I feel like the world's worst Mum. We have always been so close but now I hardly seem to know him. He is so silly all the time. He's just come out of school and he was grating on me before we even got out of the school gates. He does this thing where he makes up a nonsensical word - it's "nada" tonight, and just says it over and over and over again in various stupid voices. Trying to start a conversation is met with more silly voices and silly walks. And he's developed this really irritating cackle - that's the only way I can describe it, it's not laughing. I grit my teeth together to refrain from saying anything. He winds ds2 up to fever pitch the second we get in through the front door - they end up both running round just shrieking while I try and get dinner ready. Someone always ends up in tears. I end up bellowing like a maniac.

What has gone wrong? I love him to pieces. I go in and look at him when he's asleep and he's still my baby and my heart melts. But when he's awake he drives me crazy.

The worst thing of all is that he's noticing - he asked me the other day if I still loved him because I seem to be angry all the time . He also thinks I favour his little brother. Which in a terrible way is true - 3 year olds are easier to like than 8 year olds. Ds2 and I have (mostly) nice peaceful days together, pottering around, doing stuff, and then it all goes pear shaped at 3 pm.

I'm ashamed to put my name to this What can I do? I remember when I was pregnant with ds2 thinking I could not possibly love another child as much as ds1 - it never occured to me I might "go off" ds1. Help...

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 28/02/2005 19:53

Cod, why can't they play football? My ds in year 2 is allowed, they all have a great time at lunchtime.

Marthamoo, was just thinking about you as I read ds a story, how are you feeling?

Cod · 28/02/2005 20:01

Message withdrawn

Cod · 28/02/2005 20:02

Message withdrawn

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 20:36

Oi, Codwoman, get your own thread ! OK, I should count myself lucky it's only me he drives crazy - no broken windows as yet. It must be mortifying - do they know you are a teacher? When my friend had to go in about her dd's behaviour she let slip she was a teacher and got a knowing look and "might have known..." Whatever that means.

Thankyou all so much for taking the time to reply - it really does help to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I've calmed down a lot since I wrote that post - really didn't want to be in the same room with him, just felt so churned up inside. It's only people you care about who can wind you up that much, isn't it?

amynnixmum - half term wasn't so bad for me because dh was off work so we could go places and I had someone around to bounce them off! But I know what you mean - it does feel like a prison sentence when it's just me and them. And I'm sure it shouldn't be like that - I had all these ideas about what a fun Mum I was going to be, and I seem to be more of a nagging, grumpy one.

emmatmg - what is it with the silly voices? Honestly, my ds1 is just so...odd. He really is - he always has been really. He's so bright, but he's just off on his own planet most of the time. Ds2 is only 3 but he's much more "earthed" than ds1 - he's more connected with the real world. It's hard to explain. I think he finds it quite hard to engage at school - to sit still and concentrate (though his reports are really good so he is managing it) and maybe he just needs to let off steam when he comes out: let those multiple personalities out of the bag

WWW - what you said was constructive and made me feel so much better. Just like you said, I sometimes get so mad that really it's me that's worse behaved: like a tantrumming toddler. You have no idea what a relief it is to hear that others get wound up to that extreme too. Are you friends again now?

Roisin, it's funny because after completely losing my rag (just before I literally ran upstairs to vent on MN!) he was much, much better. Played on the XBox for a while, then played quite nicely with ds2 while I got dinner ready. Dh is on call tonight and his bleep went off halfway through dinner and I thought "oh here we go..worst time of day" but they were really co-operative. Ds1 helped me load up the dishwasher and didn't kick up a fuss when it was bed-time. Don't know if dh had a word with him before he went - in the 10 minutes I had to speak to him I said I'd had a fraught afternoon.

Thanks to everyone else for saying you feel like this too (can't thank everyone individually, it will be like Gwyneth Paltrow Oscar speech!) It really does help. Perhaps I do expect too much. I think some just me and ds1 time sounds like good idea - though last time I tried it he was so sulky I wished I hadn't bothered. Bedtime used to be "our" time but about a month ago he said he would rather read by himself than have me read to him any more I miss that time - it was an opportunity for us to have an undistracted cuddle. He's growing up - I know he's supposed to and it's my job to help him but it is so He won't hold my hand walking to school any more and I'm not allowed to kiss him goodbye. And he really is like a teenager sometimes - so cocky, argumentative and sullen...you know, that "yeah...whatever" attitude that makes you want to wring their neck!

Sorry, I'm going on and on aren't I? It's hard, this parenting lark. Thanks again for all words of advice, and sympathy - and for letting me sound off. It helps.

OP posts:
Cod · 28/02/2005 20:37

Message withdrawn

Cod · 28/02/2005 20:38

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 28/02/2005 20:46

Marthamoo, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. My ds won't kiss me in front of anyone either, only at bed time, he's going the same way as yours, I know that sad feeling and it does make you thankful for the littler one ime. and that feels unfair doesn't it? And he hasn't held my hand in front of school friends for about a year! Yes, I apologised to ds unequivocally (and then explained what unequivocally meant!) and so did he and we had lots of hugs and kisses and he kept saying sorry and I kept saying sorry all afternoon. And he said he forgave me and I explained that I was knackered (dd sleeping's baaaaaaad)and it was making me edgy and that mums do lose it sometimes so he should try not to wind me up. And then we had a truly lovely day on Friday when he was also off school so it's all ok now. 'yeah, whatever' REALLY winds me up too, just wait til we've got teenagers hey? MMMMmmmmm, lovely!

motherinferior · 28/02/2005 20:51

MM, you're a lovely mum
xxxxxxxxxxxx

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:02

You are a great mum, mm. Sorry things are tough with your boy at the moment though. Really think you might enjoy reading this together, if you haven't already. Very funny but touching too.

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:04

Thanks MI - but you haven't seen me in full-on banshee mode Cod, you can crash my thread anytime. WWW - teenagers? I need a vodka.

OP posts:
marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:06

Thanks for that link, SM - I'll see if I can get a copy via Amazon (should be able to - I've had books from them on marketplace that have actually come from Alibris).

OP posts:
roisin · 28/02/2005 21:07

Don't mention the "T" word!

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:08

They've got it on Amazon but no picture so didn't want to link there. You've had a hard day already without feeling sad about sub-standard, no picture links, after all.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:09

? T word?

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:10

sorry being slow TEENAGERS RULE!

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:11

£5.57 on Amazon - I've added it to my wish list. Also on my wish list is The Heart of Parenting: ow to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child, and Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. Do you think I self-analyze too much ?

Far Girl Slim is on there too...

OP posts:
marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:12

"ow" was a typo but surprisingly apt, don't you think?

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:12

I do. But it's very charming.

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:12

I'm glad to charm

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:13

Sorry- that was to your self-analysing post.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:13

Arrgh. Can't keep up

paolosgirl · 28/02/2005 21:14

I'm so glad this thread was posted - I'd been trying to pluck up the courage for ages to post about the feelings I have for ds (not good ones ) and it has been very reassuring to find out that I'm not alone.

I have tried to have 'us' time with just the 2 of us, and it does help. Thing is, it seems that he very quickly goes back to his old ways as soon as we get home.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 21:16

Moo- Just thought- I can send you our copy if you like. It's not going to transform your life or nuffink but it is a nice book. Let me know if you want me to pop it in the post.

marthamoo · 28/02/2005 21:57

That would be great SM - I will let you have it back when we've read it. Shall I CAT you?

Paolosgirl - I feel better for posting: just knowing I'm not alone.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 28/02/2005 22:01

Please do.

Swipe left for the next trending thread