I'm a terrible Mum - finding it really hard to like ds1 atm.

[marthamoo]

I feel awful Ds1 (8 in a couple of weeks) is driving me mad. He sets my teeth on edge - I feel like the world's worst Mum. We have always been so close but now I hardly seem to know him. He is so silly all the time. He's just come out of school and he was grating on me before we even got out of the school gates. He does this thing where he makes up a nonsensical word - it's "nada" tonight, and just says it over and over and over again in various stupid voices. Trying to start a conversation is met with more silly voices and silly walks. And he's developed this really irritating cackle - that's the only way I can describe it, it's not laughing. I grit my teeth together to refrain from saying anything. He winds ds2 up to fever pitch the second we get in through the front door - they end up both running round just shrieking while I try and get dinner ready. Someone always ends up in tears. I end up bellowing like a maniac.

What has gone wrong? I love him to pieces. I go in and look at him when he's asleep and he's still my baby and my heart melts. But when he's awake he drives me crazy.

The worst thing of all is that he's noticing - he asked me the other day if I still loved him because I seem to be angry all the time . He also thinks I favour his little brother. Which in a terrible way is true - 3 year olds are easier to like than 8 year olds. Ds2 and I have (mostly) nice peaceful days together, pottering around, doing stuff, and then it all goes pear shaped at 3 pm.

I'm ashamed to put my name to this What can I do? I remember when I was pregnant with ds2 thinking I could not possibly love another child as much as ds1 - it never occured to me I might "go off" ds1. Help...

Done. Many thanks.

I have some 8 year old students that I find irritating and silly, and some lovely 9 year olds. I take this to suggest it's just a phrase.

I think it's okay to tell an 8 year old that his silly voices irritate you and you prefer it when you have a proper conversation (along with attendant compliments about what sort of things he is good at talking about). You can say how he makes you feel in language he can understand.

Does he do all this silly stuff to his teachers, or save it up for you?

Yhe fact he is creating his own words make me wonder if he is just very bright and not getting adequate stimulation at school!I used to be a teacher and found that often the annoying ,disruptive children were either struggling to keep up or in your case maybe bored and under stimulated.I must admit that the age he is at can drive you a bit potty!!!!

Message withdrawn

Great and even greater that somebody took the trouble to tell you he was fab. Hope it continues.

It was ds1's parents' evening tonight. His teacher thinks he's fab. Warning: showy offy Mummy stuff coming up...

He is one of her top students for literacy, with an "astonishing" vocabulary (she said it is obvious that he loves books and reads a lot at home). He is imaginative, with a real flair for descriptive language. He is doing well at numeracy (not a star at that, obviously takes after his Mum!) but is outstanding at science - in her top group. He is also exceptionally good at RE - he is able to put himself in other peoples' shoes and imagine how they feel: truly empathetic and sympathetic.

She said he is " a delightful boy" and she feels really lucky to have him in her class.

So...he ain't so bad, my boy. Came home and just gave him a massive hug - told him how proud I am of him. It's a start.

Cod, glad you had a "proud of my boy" moment too.

Hi Martha
Just on tonight after a few days. Am really tired so don't have time to go through whole thread. Pet, you are not alone my DS1 - 8 - drives me insane sometimes too and tonight was no exception as himself and DS2 can never seem to stop fighting - DS2 is almost as bad as he is a big cry baby. Lately I just tend to ignore because I just hate shouting all the time. If they come in "he said", "he did" I just tell them to sort it out or send them to their room. You are not alone and believe me it is going to get tougher. I always try and be friends rather than enemies and always encourage conversation. The "nada" business is all coming from school and what they're friends are saying. I know it is annoying beyond belief but thats kids.

Your last post bears testament - so he is not all bad!!!!!!!!! Neither is mine!!!!!!!!!! You can never chose your family or your neighbours so make the best of it and wouldn't it be worse if he wasn't around to say "nada" in the morning. I know I am being philosiphical and don't always think that way but it is true

Only just seen this thread MM but boy does it strike a chord with me. What you said about your ds being bright but on his own planet, and your ds even though so much younger is more earthed - my story exactly. My ds is 10 now, but his 7 yo sister is the one with common sense.

The silly voices etc - we've had it all with ds, he almost seems to enjoy driving me completely insane with his nonsense. I actually blame him for the fact that I can hardly hold a thought in my head these days, because I'll be concentrating on something and have to break off because he's asked me a question, then I'll process the question and realise it was nonsense. He also has a selection of dances that (such as the "finding my socks dance" the 'scrubbing my teeth dance" etc) that he will do for several minutes when asked to do something before I shriek so hard at him it rips my throat out then he finally goes and does whatever it is. His current obsession is wanting to be a geek, and insisting he's a communist, and just generally being rebellious - but he's also the sweetest natured child ever, and heartbreakingly dear at times - but I do know exactly what you mean. The silly words (which are mercifully dwindling) really made me want to throttle him.
It is a phase, I think there's a bit of still wanting to be a baby because they're aware they're growing up, yet they also want independance. Ds's stroppy teenage line is currently "You're not the boss of me", yet he wants cuddles almost more than he did as a toddler. But he won't even acknowledge me in school - so don't feel bad about the no kisses thing.

I'm waffling on but just wanted to say don't think your boy is wierd - honestly mine has been so odd at times that I've been so scared that he'd be bullied for it that I've come down on him so hard that I realised that I was practically bullying him myself. Particularly with the eldest, we forget how little they still are.

I'm glad things are going better now anyway.

Just seen this thread - glad the storm clouds parted marthamoo (and cod) and sunshine reappeared.

With a 5 and 10 year old, I have a similar age gap to cope with as you marthamoo (didn't realise this before!). I do find ds1 can dominate my attention at times, which puts me on edge as I feel I'm neglecting ds2. And when I lose it with him, again I get extra cross with myself because it's still attention for ds1.
Apart from giving both boys some separate time with me, the thing that helps is to get ds 1 helping me. I have told ds1 it is not enough for him simply to get himself ready in the mornings - the way we run the house, from cooking, shopping, tidying up, answering the phone, sorting out dirty clothes, helping ds2 get dressed and washed etc etc - is a team effort. I work full time and simply haven't the energy to do it all. Now that he is older, he's part of that team. I expect him to help me over and above helping himself. He knows how stressed and shouty I get when I am up against domestic deadlines, and he is helping me more, and also helping ds2. This changes the relationship between us all - ds1 is distancing himself from ds2 and becoming my second in commmand. It makes me feel calmer and closer to ds1.

My son is still happy to sit on my knee in front of his school friends (and he's nearly 11) and is very cuddly. I love cuddling him, and would feel desolate if ds1 did not ever want me to and it really helps me feel close to him. From this perspective, I hope you can still find good times to cuddle your ds (when it's ok with him of course.

ah moo, just seen this thread and as your official stalker I just had to post!
I don't have any direct experiece of parenting this age but I do think that the sillyness is definitely a common thing at this age. I think some people find it straightforward to ignore that sort of stuff but it drives me crazy so I don't think you're in anyway alone in that (well obviously you're not from the other posts on here).
But WOW what a report from his teacher - it does sound like he's very bright and he brain is just working ten to the dozen. It will pass; sometimes I think this whole parenting lark is just coping with a series of phases from newborn, to toddler, to primary age, teenager etc As soon as you come to grips with one phase, the next one starts!

and some of these other post are so lovely - turquoise I love the "wanting to be a communist"

Just read this thread and OMG it's like revisting my childhood! Marthamoo - I WAS THAT CHILD I can remember my mum reaching screaming point with me on a daily basis and yet I still carried on with the silly voices/actions (yes I too had a dance for each chore etc) - and I'm sorry to say that I was still doing it in my early teens!!!! And like your ds I was a high achiever at school.

I'm trying to remember what was going on in my own head at the time ... and all I can remember was that it amused me and that was all I was interested in at the time, even though my mum screaming at me also upset me quite a bit too. And I'm afraid that NOTHING they did would make me stop it

I DID grow out of it - and I am a (fairly) normal functional human being, albeit still a little odd, but I'm comfortable with that. My mum is very proud of the way I turned out and I'm sure your ds will make you proud too.

Repeat the MN mantra - it's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase...

I am so glad I posted - you have all reassured me and made me feel so much better. I'm even managing to be slightly more tolerant of my boy-of-many-voices (it's clearly because he is a genius!). Turquoise..