I work FT OTH and am fantasising about being a SAHM, come and disabuse me... Or, alternative title: being a SAHM with children at school must be bliss, surely?

[WideWebWitch]

I tried to find Issymum's thread of a while back where she was a SAHM for a couple of weeks and fantasised about doing it full time. Afaik she didn't and is still employed very fT OTH.

I usually commute and dh does drop offs and pick ups so I leave the house at 7am and get back at 6.30pm. My contract ends at the end Oct and I may not be able to find something else straight away so this may indeed become a reality. But in the meantime...

This is my second day working from home this week and it has been lovely to do the following:

SEE the children in the mornings. I had a long chat with ds about the 11+ and how he's feeling. I had a long cuddle with dd in bed and did her hair before school and made them both breakfast. It's not the making breakfast/chivying them into the car I like, it's the being around for them. It's dd's second ever week at school, it's been nice seeing her settle in a bit.

keep on top of the washing with v little effort

think about what we're going to eat rather than desperately rifling through the fridge at 6.30

Do boring but necessary things like activate a bank card, register ds's school place, do an online shop, clean the bathrooms (we usually have a cleaner but don't atm), notice both dd's school tops needed to go in the wash last night so she had a clean one for today

Not having to RUSH everywhere. Being able to speak to my mum/friends during the day and chat a bit.

Any other FT WOTHP's fantasise about this? Or did you do it? And if so, was it lovely?

Or, if not, remind me that the reality isn't quite as nice as my fantasy please. Because if I do get a job I have to take it.

TIA.

Thank you OO, I do need a break. So maybe I'll stop looking and look again in January.

cod and the Oil on the case.

we are the hart to hart of mn.

and when they met it was murrrrdahhhh

(who will be the butler man?)

I think that all of our lives in the Schadenfreude Haus would be much better and happier if DH commuted and I worked locally. I would nip home at lunchtime and push the hoover round and tidy a bit, maybe put dinner on, so that we were more organised and didn't live in such chaos.

When I work from home or hot desk in DH's office, I do find myself thinking that he could do more in the morning - I come home from work and all the breakfast stuff is on the table - why can't he empty the dishwasher in the morning when he is waiting for the kettle to boil, and shove the breakfast stuff in it, to leave a tidy kitchen? And stick a load of washing on, so that it doesn't all build up to be done at the weekend?

I do think the commuting is the knackering part of the day - I've been out of the house almost two hours and I'm only just arriving at my desk. Twelve hours out of the house isn't good for anyone. And when London Midland fuck up and I don't get home until 10 pm, I am growling and growing horns.

Maybe I should do as a previous boss advised: If you feel the urge to work or do something out of the home, you should get a little job working in a shop or something...

oh yes working in a little local shop, 10am-2pm

selling trinkets and one off fab dresses and handbags

shoes etc

[in element]

I think he meant a village shop. He started the conversation with "I don't really agree with women working in an office so..."

Thankfully he's dead now.

lol

in fact that sounds dreadful, me lolling at a dead man!

delete post

MrsSch does your dh work from home? it would infuriate me, what you describe, but having been on the other end of it, it wasn't necessarily that easy

I would get angry that dh swanned off to work and left the breakfast things. I was there and I could put them in the d/w but that was my work time. And the washing. And then just a quick sweep of the floor, and then ring the bank, and then put the washing out, of course, and then get something out to defrost, and, and, and

and it's 10 fecking 30 and I still haven't done any work. Every morning

I didn't last long as a home worker. Though the house looked great

I am on the opposite side www.
I have been a SAHM for nine years-longer than planned due to mother's ill health and also having M.E.
I am now fully recovered and desparate to get back to work full time.
Think that doing stay at home bit would suit you if you did it for short chunk of time knowing you were returning to work.

Cappuccino, no, but he works about two minutes from home! I walked to the bus stop with the girls this morning and when we got there, DD1 said to me, Daddy always drives us. It's 5 minute walk, FFS! And I KNOW he doesn't drive straight on to work after he drops as he comes home and faffs on the internet for half an hour.

"faffs on the internet"
me too. I get a lot of that done when I'm 'working from home'.

DD is very unhappy at her childminder (who wants to pack in anyway) in the afternoons when the others are at school and I need to stop her going. So can't decide whether to request holiday next week (might not get), throw a sickie or cross my fingers that I can make alternative arrangements by Tuesday. DH is away Tuesday night so no help. TBH it feels like the easiest thing would be just to ditch work. But what about the money?

Cappuccino - I think you are highlighting a real problem for dual-career couples.

Routine housework needs doing every day if you want to live in a clean, ordered environment. And it crops up regularly throughout the day, with a first rendez-vous very early in the morning and a last rendez-vous quite late at night.

If you are well enough off and you don't mind having someone in your personal space, you can employ a housekeeper. But for most people, that is financially out of reach (and, even if it isn't, not everyone really wants a non-family member in their personal space).

Haven't read the whole thread but I have just returned to work after 54 weeks maternity leave. Was dreading it but AM LOVING IT!!! I work 0915 to 1500 Mon- Thurs. I drop dh at work, baby at nursery and boys at school and am comfortably at my desk for 0915 (we live near to everything so takes about 40 minutes to do the circle).

I am much more organised so feel much more in control of things - suddenly the same amount of housewrok is done in a fraction of the time as I don't have time to think about doing it. And we have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours.

There is plenty time from 1500 to get the boys at 1515 and be home via nursery by 1545 so time left to do any house admin stuff on the phone if required and I can do all the after school activities, homework etc. Boys (other than the baby) don't notice the difference and I am in a lovely office with lovely people doing (on the whole) interesting, stimulating work. And I have Fridays off.

Bliss!

Oh I don't believe that housework needs doing every day, although I do agree that you need to keep on top of it.

We have a house which is large, clean and well ordered - hell, we've even been in colour supplements. I'm not sure when a cleaning lady becomes a "house keeper" but we have a very nice cleaner who comes in twice a week and the rest of the time all that is done is tidying away (which the cleaner obviously doesn't do) by all of us, processing washing, cooking stuff and a bit of wiping down.

I think it is perfectly possible to be extremely well organised and clean without twice daily rendez-vous's.

LOL re cleaner invading my personal space. If that's what she needs to do to clean then fine. She doesn't actually go through my knicker drawer or whatever. Anyway if you are out of the house its surprisingly non-intrusive!

I agree that school hours can prove more difficult than nursery/childminder.
I have 3 at school and a 3 yr old who does a couple of pre school sessions.
Ihave gradually reduced my hours over the years so that I now work only one day per week,usually Wednesday,from 8.30 until 4.30.
My parents live about 10 miles away but it is near my workplace so no problem to drop the little one off. DH takes DD2 to breakfast club,the elder two are at high school so sort themselves out.
DD2 either goes to after school club,grandparents collect or my eldest DD who is 18.
TBH I could quite easily stay at home fulltime,but am a nurse so in effect would waste my training and have to do return to nursing course if I ever did return,so it gives me the option to continue.
I will not increase my hours when DD goes to school full time though!
Luckily dont need the money,but I do like to be the one at school gates and find loads to do in the daytime.

I was under the impression that your children have a nanny, Anchovy? If so, she presumably does a lot of the child-related housework, so it isn't quite as simple as a cleaner twice a week while every one else is out (which I know about, I functioned that way for ten years).

Two of our three children have a totally different timetable this year to last (one has moved to secondary school and the other to full-time pre-school) and reorganising our lives as a function of three new timetables (two of which we only got to grips with on the day of la rentrée) is quite something. I'm not sure I feel up to asking two pre-pubescent boys to get down to much tidying and cleaning before getting off to school at 7.30 am (especially when they had a 5 pm end of day on the previous day) and they are way too tired and have too much homework to be expected to contribute much to the household during the week.

hi anchovy. have reread your post and think it was not an unreasonable inference. however, i have no wish to catfight either so thank you very much for the good humoured clarification

I bloody hated being a 'kept woman' when the kids were all school aged. It was horrible, I felt that despite having more free time, I had less independence. I felt guilty that DH was working long hours (albeit very handsomely compensated) and I was at home, I was also jealous of his worklife.

I have a big house and no home help, even with a large house, there's only so much cleaning a woman can do before she goes loopy and ends up at the top of the Cathedral tower with a sniper rifle.

I now work p/t, 22.5hrs a week and it's great. I get to collect the kids 4 days a week and drop them off 1 day a week. I finish at 1pm on a Tues, Weds & Thurs so I can get out work and the shopping before collecting the kids from school. Friday is my day off so I can get the house cleaned properly and still have the weekend to relax and actually enjoy time with my family .

I also enjoy the financial independence, the hardest thing about becoming a SAHM, I found, was giving up the financial independence. It's not that DH withheld money, or made me feel like I had to ask for it, it came from me, not him.

Plus, my mum returned to f/t work when I was 2yo so I've always known a mother who WOTH and I've always seen that as a positive role model. I don't want DD to grow up thinking that once she has kids or finds a man wealthy enough to support a family on salary that women then have to become chained to kitchen sink, or worse, 'ladies of leisure' (I hate that term). If that is her choice (and that of her future partner) then of course, that is fine, but personally I feel that a mother who WOTH when she has no small children at home is a positive role model, be she a full or part time worker.

oh btw link to colour supplements please

Oh yes - I am inordinately interested in your house now Anchovy

www - I think you should take a break before your next contract - maybe you'll find out that you hate being at home fulltime. Otherwise you'll love it and will find a way to carry on.

I now work part-time term time only for crap pay. Previously I worked full-on full-time with small children. The payoff has been being at home before and after school and being flexible enough to get to school related stuff and look after sick kids. I don't really need to work these hours anymore but I won't be going back full-time [lazy bint emoticon]