I work FT OTH and am fantasising about being a SAHM, come and disabuse me... Or, alternative title: being a SAHM with children at school must be bliss, surely?

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I tried to find Issymum's thread of a while back where she was a SAHM for a couple of weeks and fantasised about doing it full time. Afaik she didn't and is still employed very fT OTH.

I usually commute and dh does drop offs and pick ups so I leave the house at 7am and get back at 6.30pm. My contract ends at the end Oct and I may not be able to find something else straight away so this may indeed become a reality. But in the meantime...

This is my second day working from home this week and it has been lovely to do the following:

SEE the children in the mornings. I had a long chat with ds about the 11+ and how he's feeling. I had a long cuddle with dd in bed and did her hair before school and made them both breakfast. It's not the making breakfast/chivying them into the car I like, it's the being around for them. It's dd's second ever week at school, it's been nice seeing her settle in a bit.

keep on top of the washing with v little effort

think about what we're going to eat rather than desperately rifling through the fridge at 6.30

Do boring but necessary things like activate a bank card, register ds's school place, do an online shop, clean the bathrooms (we usually have a cleaner but don't atm), notice both dd's school tops needed to go in the wash last night so she had a clean one for today

Not having to RUSH everywhere. Being able to speak to my mum/friends during the day and chat a bit.

Any other FT WOTHP's fantasise about this? Or did you do it? And if so, was it lovely?

Or, if not, remind me that the reality isn't quite as nice as my fantasy please. Because if I do get a job I have to take it.

TIA.

ranting, am EXPERT in wasting time! Can easily kill six hours and have achieved nothing but enjoyed myself enormously

ormion, lol at apart from the pain.

Capp, as a contractor I'm paid more than perm people generally are but I rarely hear of anyone wanted pt or from home. But yes, take your point.

Hassled, that sounds lovely.

lol at novice juggling. I am black belt juggler I think.

Agree with Hassled re the lack of human, especially adult company when you are a sahm.

I think I'll enjoy it for a while when ds start full-time school soon, so I'm already planning to do some form of voluntary work or study.

but, not so

My sister has been a SAHM for years and her three are now teenagers. She has a lovely life (but pots of money so perhaps that helps).

I'd probably quite like it but would definitely do local voluntary work part-time.

As if thats an option!!!

I gave up work for " a bit" when we moved from Scotland to England. 8 years later I am still at home mainly because I thought dd would be an only child only for ds to pop up.

I now work 1 or 2 mornings a week at a playgroup. It's exhausting but prevents boredom setting in. I can be there for the children and keep on top of the housework.

I work part-time, and I love the time when DD is at nursery. I am a bit selfish - I like having time to Mumsnet, go window-shopping and generally loaf around. But because it's only two and half hours it's very easy to "waste" it and not get anything done. But I get to pick up DD and DS, interact at the school gate, etc. This is on 3 days a week - I found on four days a week I wasn't around enough to "get into the groove" for the school gate, and my "day off" was filled up with having to do essential things that couldn't wait.

If I were a SAHM full-time, then I could see that I would eventually get round to cleaning the shower but there would be lots of other things I'd do first - like go to the gym, go to the coffee mornings, follow up my current obsession with knitting rather than doing half an hour in the evening, get round to planting the tulips instead of letting them languish in the cupboard until spring, order a new sofa, get the bedroom wall re-plastered, etc etc. I reckon it would take me at least a year - maybe longer! - to catch up on all the things I haven't done because of having a small child around. I wouldn't rush to do volunteer work or fill the time up - I'd be making a purely selfish choice that benefited me and, to be honest, would probably please my kids a lot.

But because I can do a part-time job and it is reasonably interesting (if not very well paid) and I don't want to lose my ability to earn something entirely (as I think I would if I took five years off) I keep going to work, and will probably go to four days a week when DD starts school so I can at last get a promotion.

I have been SAHM for 5 years. Gosh that sounds really long doesnt it? Mine have just started school and its v nice and relaxing now! Why do you think mumsnet is sooooo popular? All the SAHM on here posting as bored out of minds! I like a previous poster am doing a MSC with OU and building a house coz needed some stimulation. Also v much agree with the isolation part. You need loads of friends to make it work or its v lonely.

WWW, I hope I will find something on a fixed term contract to cover me until I have next baby. With hindsight I should have started ttc no 2 a bit earlier.

After having no2 it will be all systems go, back to university and then back to work.

Interesting thread, this.

I work from home, but some days work more than others, so I am SAHM-ish, and some days I am feel like a complete SAHM.

Both my kids are at school, but: I find that an entire day can be spent sorting out a hundred stupid admin details: after school clubs, play dates, medical/dental appts, shopping (even if online), waiting for deliveries, cooking in advance, or at least getting meals a bit ready in advance, uniforms... & that's just the beginning.

Andadmitedly this is unusualmy school run takes 3 hours total out of my day, so I have precious few hours in between...and in fact have recently employed someone to do the afternoon school runs a couple of times a week so I have a reasonable amount of work time.

On the upside I have to time to exercise and read the newspaper and do things like go to the bank etc.

But the fact is I also have a job, so I never get bored...because every second I'm not doing child-related stuff, I can do work stuff. So, clearly, I'm an unreliable portrait of a SAHM.

But my point is you shouldn't underestimate the amount of stuff that needs to be done even when you SAH. I used to be very critical of my mom who was a SAHM and had a nanny, but it seems less ridiculous now I have kids of my own. And I have to admit that when she did things, she did them right and there were none of the fuck-ups (lunches boxes or instruments left at home or homework not done et al) that are a constant feature in my household.

Oh expatkat (when did you become that again?!) I know wym, I am finding it SO much easier to do all the emptying lunch boxes, filling in forms, sending off cheques for school trips, getting around to finding a cheaper insurance quote, blah blah.

So I don't really underestimate how much stuff there is to do with 2 at school. And in fact I do know that in November and December (which I will potentially take off if I don't find a job) there will be carol concerts and school plays and things they need to take in etc etc and it might actually be a relief if I'm just here and can go to all that stuff.

And I think the thing is that even though I'm not a SAHM, I STILL have to do ALL that stuff, well, dh and I do all that stuff between us so evening conversations can be all about 'did you do x' and 'have you remembered dd is at y tomorrow' etc etc

I think maybe I want a housekeeper
and a job that lets me have 16 weeks off a year

I enjoy it and I can keep things ticking over nicely at home.

It suits us pretty well. I did the manic ft career thing before and personally don't wish to go back to it. Everyone is different of course.

Some people on mn are strangely enraged by SAHM'm with children in school though..

Oh yes Tsar, do you remember the thread about the woman who dared to have a coffe in her own house? There was much fury I can tell you!

Tsarchasm, well I don't see how anyone should be enraged, if people are negative about others choices it is because of insecurity about their own choices. I don't personally want to become a SAHM with school aged children for lots of reasons mainly because I still have career ambitions, financially I need to work and I WANT to work for my own sanity. It would be a boring world if we all wanted the same though!

The OP has a very similar thought process to my own today!
I work 4 days a week in a very full on job.Usually I leave the house at 6.45 am.DH drops the kids at 7.45, I get them at 6pm and do bedtime as DH doesnt get home till 7.45 ish or if at college till 10.30.

Today I am taking some time owed me in order to take DD2 for her MMR. (I am working from home this aft)
DD1 went off to CM this morn at 9, after I had played with them both and we had had breakfast together which was lovely.I took DD2 for her jab, then we went to feed the ducks and to Tesco and the library.I have done some phone banking and hoovered downstairs and now DD2 has gone off to CMs so I can work..I was able to walk her there instead of taking the car-its only a 15 min walk but I dont have time in the week.

It has been lovely spending time with them, and not rushing around like a lunatic, and just being in the house.I will make dinner later and we will be able to eat it before 8.30 pm because everything will be done already before the girls come back and I do bath and bed.The house will be cleaner.I will be better rested.And all this in the time usually filled by my commute!

I saw lots of Mums with babies whilst I was out and felt very of them as this is what they do most days (I know it can be very hard being a SAHM and the grass is always greener..although when I was off on mat leave I loved it)

I think I would always want to work a few days to keep me from becoming too insular and when the DD's go to school, from being bored, but I would really love to cut back on what im doing now.(Cant afford it though )

If you are SAHM then you have to do all the housework because it's your job not just because you quite fancy it for a change today and you can't ponce about on mumsnet and do other nice distracting things without being vilified by your ft working partner for being a lazy hedonist with no thought for others. My idea of hell, girlfriend.

Well it's true you have to do that stuff even when you work, but if you don't work IMO you can do a better job. But you know yourself. Some people thrive on frenetic activity and/or need very little sleep, like my lawyer friend who works long hours, only sees her kids properly at weekends, yet took on the job of Class Rep and routinely stays up until 3am to write bday invitations, stuff party bags, make curtains, and do Class Rep admin. On the downside, she's very self-critical because there are so many things she just can't do that a SAHM could do, e.g. help her DSs practice the violin or do homework, and her mantra is "I'm such a crap mum." (She isn't by the way.) Her situation is extreme but you probably have similar time constraints.

As for my nickname, I'm having an identity crisis. I've never stopped feeling like an Expatkat, and yet I hate having to say "No I'm not Expatinscotland" who flamboyantly entered the scene and with half my moniker. The cheek!

Haven't read whole thread but - I'm SAHM at the moment (job doesn't start for several weeks) and am bored rigid. It's nice being around for ds, and I know I'll look back wistfully on this time in a couple of months, but I couldn't do it fulltime.

But as a Working Mum I have to do all the housework anyway..after work.Then row with DH because he isnt doing his share.Then come on MN and whinge about it and get vilified by him for 'slating him in cyberspace'

Yes thegreatscootini, exactly how I feel.

Scums, yes, I take your point so refer you back to my post where I realise with blinding clarity that what I want is a housekeeper AND a well paid pt job!

True ExpatKat. Gosh that sounds like a hellish existence, your friend. Yes, can imagine people did confuse you and EPIS although you are entirely different, I would never confuse the two of you.

Btw I have a dh who DOES do his share, absolutely. He usually drops and collects both children 5 days a week, does half the cleaning, shopping (although I hada recent thread about it as I argued about HOW he did it but all sorted now!) and boring admin.

Scummy brilliantly summed up the Dark Side of SAHM-dom. But as you don't have That Kind of Partner you'd be spared slavery hell.