I work FT OTH and am fantasising about being a SAHM, come and disabuse me... Or, alternative title: being a SAHM with children at school must be bliss, surely?

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I tried to find Issymum's thread of a while back where she was a SAHM for a couple of weeks and fantasised about doing it full time. Afaik she didn't and is still employed very fT OTH.

I usually commute and dh does drop offs and pick ups so I leave the house at 7am and get back at 6.30pm. My contract ends at the end Oct and I may not be able to find something else straight away so this may indeed become a reality. But in the meantime...

This is my second day working from home this week and it has been lovely to do the following:

SEE the children in the mornings. I had a long chat with ds about the 11+ and how he's feeling. I had a long cuddle with dd in bed and did her hair before school and made them both breakfast. It's not the making breakfast/chivying them into the car I like, it's the being around for them. It's dd's second ever week at school, it's been nice seeing her settle in a bit.

keep on top of the washing with v little effort

think about what we're going to eat rather than desperately rifling through the fridge at 6.30

Do boring but necessary things like activate a bank card, register ds's school place, do an online shop, clean the bathrooms (we usually have a cleaner but don't atm), notice both dd's school tops needed to go in the wash last night so she had a clean one for today

Not having to RUSH everywhere. Being able to speak to my mum/friends during the day and chat a bit.

Any other FT WOTHP's fantasise about this? Or did you do it? And if so, was it lovely?

Or, if not, remind me that the reality isn't quite as nice as my fantasy please. Because if I do get a job I have to take it.

TIA.

yeah, gs, but those sorts of rows are fine because everyone's equally in the wrong for not doing the housework and doing what they want instead. You can make up while you say "Aww. We need some time to do the stuff we find fab and relaxing as we both work so hard and are such loving parents that we can't possibly be perfect and have a clean house too." The kind of argument when you are quite categorically in the wrong and cannot justify or share the blame to the smallest extent are terrible!

DH is commuting to London this week (which is what I normally do) and he is KNACKERED and therefore even more sympathetic about how much I need a break from it.

Aren't housekeepers v v v expensive though? Even if you could find one you liked?

I only work part time

but have just had four weeks off over the hols (broken foot)

it were blinnking marvellous

I know enough SAHMS to have a social life and never once felt bored

I have those fantasies too, quite regularly! But I think it partly feels lovely to have the time to do those things (swan off to coffee, get shores done etc) becasue you know that there is something else to go back to... I think for me if I gave up work I would quickly feel lost and bored and would then need to find something to do to give me structure, challenge, adult company and a role...oh, that's work isn't it??

I am lucky though as I have your holy grail of something 'senior-ish and well paid' but only work 75%. Now that both dcs are in school both me and dh are likely to go to an annualised hours scenario (he works 80%) so we should be able to cover the holidays. I hope so anyway as that is the thing I have found hard this summer.

I do sometimes (often!) feel overstretched even so, but don't have a choice about working - I don't think we could manage on either of our salaries (well possibly mine full time but dh has no desire to give up work, and I much prefer to have a similar work/home balance to him as it makes it all fairer somehow).

shores?? chores I mean...

Oh gosh elliot, that sounds LOVELY, esp the covering the holidays bit, 16 weeks is a lot to cover.

Scums, yes, they are expensive, I don't really think we could afford a ft one (and wouldn't need a ft housekeeper tbh) but if/when we move to somewhere bigger could manage an au pair or a pt housekeeper/cleaner. I keep looking at houses with annex potential and hoping ex mil would consider living there

And even with my annualised hours I am going to try to have a day off every other week - then I can indulge my SAHM fantasies by meeting up with friends for lunch, etc etc
(funnily enough, when dh has a day off he spends it tearing around doing jobs. I spend mine sitting around chatting to friends )

That sounds like a lovely idea. I am always very touched by how well you and ex-mil get on.

I have similar thoughts some days. I work 50hours/week in a shift pattern as a hospital doctor.

I love my days off in the week, feel relaxed and chilled but I would be lonely and would only really want to work significantly less if dp could be at home with me too. I think that what I really want is more time for us all as a family rather than just time for me at home with dd. For me the fastest way to achieve this is to work ft now so that I can reach consultancy sooner and then have more ability to work hours that suit us as a family rather than silly shift patterns that change all the time and make long term planning very tricky.

Sorry about your foot, Enid.

I would be completely happy as a SAHM for a couple of months if I could still have my salary. I like working with complete absorption for a period and then doing nothing/sorting house life leisure out for a while without thought of work. Maybe a 3 months on 3 months off system would suit me best, infact. What career could incorporate this, I wonder?

teaching scums

But I do have to WORK quite hard at being lazy iyswim - not take work home, resist going to work on my day off, stop feeling guilty that I'm not achieving the same as my full time colleagues. I do think that a lot of people who work FTOH (male or female) really do work too many hours than is really good for their happiness (and their kids) (not their fault, entirely, but I think you get kind of sucked into it and forget you have choices. Sometimes though I just want to say - please stop WORKING SO HARD, its JUST A JOB. Like when (men in particular) say wistfully to me, 'oh I'd love to work part time' , I just want to say 'well f* well do it then!!)

absolutely at fking do it then.

My DH does loads too really, as well as working full time long hours and going to college at nights and weekends.
However when I was at home he didnt do nearly so much, which i thought was fair enough to a point,but did get a bit annoying towards the end.I wonder if I was at home more would this become a huge sticking point..
We still argue about who is cleaning the bathroom though as both of us hate doing it.I would take the kitchen plus all of downstairs instead of 1 bathroom as a preference

I would be a bad teacher though.

Chatting and cheering people up are my best skills really.

Yes but of course they don't actually want to give up their full time pay and status. I just really resent the implication that I am somehow getting away with something. 'Oh it must be nice to have a day off, I wish I had that' (my boss actually said 'oh it would be great to have a day off, do some gardening....' - he who is on his second partner having left a wife and 4 children...)
mmm yes it is nice, but I also take the hit of 25% less pay...and have to do some childcare occasionally too

For a woman with half a brain staying at home full time once the kids are at school is utterly boring.

It is also bad role model for you kids.

contract work sounds fab - and then a month off inbetween contracts.

capricasix you must have a full time job what with gaius and all

hmm i dunno beety

its essential to earn own money but my brain is taxed more by reading and thinking than work

I think occasional gaps would be great too - loved my maternity leave, but only because it was finite.
Just have to make sure some of the time off is in term time otherwise no time for swanning around lunching!

yes bout if you staed at home all day you would become a vegetable - unable to read and think- just lunch and put on make up. and talk about how bad your cleaner is