I work FT OTH and am fantasising about being a SAHM, come and disabuse me... Or, alternative title: being a SAHM with children at school must be bliss, surely?

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I tried to find Issymum's thread of a while back where she was a SAHM for a couple of weeks and fantasised about doing it full time. Afaik she didn't and is still employed very fT OTH.

I usually commute and dh does drop offs and pick ups so I leave the house at 7am and get back at 6.30pm. My contract ends at the end Oct and I may not be able to find something else straight away so this may indeed become a reality. But in the meantime...

This is my second day working from home this week and it has been lovely to do the following:

SEE the children in the mornings. I had a long chat with ds about the 11+ and how he's feeling. I had a long cuddle with dd in bed and did her hair before school and made them both breakfast. It's not the making breakfast/chivying them into the car I like, it's the being around for them. It's dd's second ever week at school, it's been nice seeing her settle in a bit.

keep on top of the washing with v little effort

think about what we're going to eat rather than desperately rifling through the fridge at 6.30

Do boring but necessary things like activate a bank card, register ds's school place, do an online shop, clean the bathrooms (we usually have a cleaner but don't atm), notice both dd's school tops needed to go in the wash last night so she had a clean one for today

Not having to RUSH everywhere. Being able to speak to my mum/friends during the day and chat a bit.

Any other FT WOTHP's fantasise about this? Or did you do it? And if so, was it lovely?

Or, if not, remind me that the reality isn't quite as nice as my fantasy please. Because if I do get a job I have to take it.

TIA.

lol at gaius. I got bored of BG in the end and never did find out who the final cylon was, who was it?

Beetroot, true, contracting could be the best idea, (which is what I'm doing) as I could work, build up cash and then take a few months off. Assuming there is any work to get of course

elliott I so agree. I work 3 days and get all that guff about "wish I could do it" etc. And our previous company (just been TUPE transferred which is a whole other story...) allowed people to elect to work 9 day fortnights or 4 day weeks or whatever but not many took it up. Actually though one of my male colleagues does do a 4 day week. Basically he doesn't need the money more than he wants the time which is fair enough.

I am a SAHM with school age kids. I LOVE it! I feel liberated and able to take a step back from everything. I am expecting a baby in November though and I also study with the OU to keep the brain going. I also volunteer at school when they need me. Also, my DH works shifts so is often off in he week so we do the 'weekend' stuff and shopping/days out in the week which breaks the week up. I couldn't go back to work again (used to work f/t and then p/t) as I love being there for the kids, when getting an appointment/school play etc just knowing I can make it without upteen arrangements. I also feel I save money by not working in childcare and not having a second car/work expenses etc. I feel if we had more it would just be absorbed into more outgoings.

beetroot- that may be true if you have a career type job but if you are sitting behind a checkout all day being at home amongst books, t'internet etc is far more stimulating than scannign food and talking about Desperate Housewives in the staffroom

WWW I havent read the whole thread but read your post and I could have written that a few months ago! I just sold my business to stay at home and so far havent regretted it one single moment. it is lovely to be there for the kids, have nice food ready plus DH seems to be really pleased too as everything is much more relaxed at home. Both my DC go to school (ok DD only half days) and so far I really enjoy it! If I get bored well i might take up a study or find some contract work.

Biggest compliment I got from DS (nearly 5) was when he said: mummy I really love it now you dont work anymore as we spent more tome together...

I only wanted to be a SAHM once all three were in full-time education , but by then was used to the wages I bought in (quite low, but still worth having iykwim).

I have only ever worked part-time since having DS1 (and I get a lot of flexibility), it works for us...most of the time.

Oh my children are SO delighted if I'm even picking them up OR dropping them off, it's pathetic, I think 'hang on, you're that pleased that I'm just DROPPING you?" but they are.

It's because it's not the norm.

It's the same if Dad turns up (when he doesn't usually do the pickup), or an aunt, uncle or grandparent collects - even a Yr6 child will get excited as they rush out the door.

You live it and they love it because it is a novelty. It would become dreary and tedious as indeed does everything over time.

I actuALLY BELEIVE CHILDREN HAVE LESS RESPECT FOR A PARENT WHO IS ALWAYS THERE.

Dreary and tedious?
Moondog, my old A-level english teacher used to say to us "only boring people get bored"

WWW - I contract too and my last one finished in July, conveniently the week before DD's last 4 week school holiday. So I didn't look for a contract as it solved my holiday care problem.

Then I decided to stay at home for a while and it was much, much easier than trying to do it all, struggling to get to the myriad of school activities each week, taking work calls at home at 7pm etc. I was lucky though, as I was able to work from home (negotiated with supportive boss) and it meant I was able to see DD and support her at school/do the school run etc.

After about 6 weeks I started to feel restless and a bit of a cushion plumper, but DD had another set of holidays coming up (they start again next week) so there was no point in looking for a contract as I'd start just in time to get stressed about holiday care again.

So I'm going to start looking for another contract for a month's time.

What have I learned about being a SAHM in this time?

That I spent far too much money on crap when I was working. Stuff we didn't need, that DD didn't need. I didn't use my food cupboards effectively and wasted too much. I can't believe how little I spend now - yesterday I got my car washed for $10 instead of $125. I am not throwing away food that hasn't been eaten. I value money more because it's not repeatedly coming in (my last contract was paid weekly! It was fab).

Now I have a clear list of things I need that I will wisely spend my money on, instead of shopping randomly for 'stuff'.

That I actually enjoyed using my brain at work.

That the time you can spend at school helping out can grow exponentially.

At home I am bored. I am on top of everything and there isn't anything to do. In the UK I'd be doing an OU for sure.

One thing that is easier is going to the gym. It was practically impossible before.

Like you I think my best case scenario would be a part time contract. I have never seen one though. The best I think I can do is either negotiate some home work again or take a longer time out between contracts/take holidays during contracts.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I know I will be working less in the future and saving more. I will continue to work. I'm glad I had this time, it has taught me a lot.

I'm working from home today and tomorrow - DH is in London, where I usually am, and I know he is going to say tonight "Fuck me, I'm knackered, I couldn't do this every day."

I did two hours of today's work last night and an hour this morning, so am off to have coffee with some friends a little later on. The DDs are very excited that Mummy, rather than Daddy, is going to walk to the bus stop with them.

I did do compressed hours for a while but it meant getting up at 0530 and the DDs played up because they didn't see me in the morning.

I think I would go mad being a SAHM, but one day a week working from home might improve my sanity. Or a cleaner might do it.

'Dreary and tedious'? How can it be tedious to have the freedom to do anything you want for several hours in the day? I'm quite capable of finding any number of interesting and exciting things to do all by my big, grown-up self, and I suggest the same would be true for anyone with an ounce of wit and zest-for-life about them.

And I actually DON'T BELIEVE MY CHILDREN LACK RESPECT FOR ME

Really.. people do say the strangest things.

What interesting and exciting things do you do, Dreyfus? I suspect if I were a SAHM I would spend the day sitting on the sofa in my PJs, watching Jeremy Kyle and eating biscuits. But maybe that's because I am just knackered when I have a day off.

Arfy, interesting post, thank you.

I think IF I could keep contracting it would buy me the freedom to have some or most of the school holidays off next year and we'd still have enough money to have a nice time, albeit I wouldn't see much of the children while I was actually doing the contract. I don't think there are part time contracts BUT I do think most companies needing contractors need them short term, which would suit me very well. This one has gone on for a year, which also suited me well but if the next could last from Oct half term to Feb half term that would be IDEAL.

Yes, maybe it is the novelty for the children. And MAYBE I'd get bored but prob not if I knew it was temporary. DH has been commuting to London all week and started moaning on Monday night MrsS, ha ha. I did say welcome to my world, I've done A YEAR of this but I was also pretty understanding as he's had to come in and do homework so I have done all kids stuff in the evening. I haven't minded because I've been at home all day.

Agree about spending more when you're working. Partly because you need things to bolster yourself through the grind (dinner out, nights in hotels, expensive Waitrose ready meals) and partly because it's there.

If I don't get a job and end up at home for a couple of months I will be interested to see how little I can live on.

Less respect for a parent who is always there?!

Not at all. They know who is boss if you are consistently there. No question of who they respect.

I have never had the argument from mine(yet) "Well, Mrs X you should do it this way" or "Miss Y at nursery says that is wrong".

Whether your children respect you depends on how you treat them - not suggesting yours do this Moondog but if you are forever trying to preserve your precious quality time with your children and let them get away with things they perhaps shouldn't, there is a danger of becoming a doormat.

Anyway, to get back to the OP, there is a clear message coming through on this thread that if you do have some or all of your days as a SAHM you have to have something else to fill some of the time - study, voluntary work, part time work. Being a mum and housewife is not enough when your children are out of the house for the best part of the day and to take the plunge without having thought it through is dangerous.

I reckon I could fill my days though, I'd do:

the washing
shopping
cooking
cleaning

and when all that load of old naus was done I'd

go to the cinema in the daytime
read
wander round the local farmers markets
go for walks
speak to friends
maybe help the PTA
organise friends to tea for both children
do all the household admin
go to museums/exhibitions (locally, obv)
have little afternoon naps if I wanted them
help dh's parents who are elderly and probably moving nearer us soon
speak to my mum more often
watch old crap on tv (hardly ever watch tv atm
mumsnet although this shouldn't be at the bottom of the list!

I would give up work tomorrow

and in fact when we emigrate I am not going to work

I really truly feel that my children need me more now not less, now they are at school

homework, worries, reading etc

on the 3 days I work it is a shitty start and shitty end to the day, rushing about feeling I am doing everything at 50%

days off are fab, drop off and pick up at school, time for cuddling and homework, reassuring dd1 with her school worries

I did a thread moaning about this earlier this week iirc

tidy house, all jobs done

I could go on

I was on your thread feeling your pain OO.

Ikwym about their needing you more once at school. Last night I marked ds's 11+ test and sat and talked to him about the ones he got wrong. I was able to go to a school event, I don't normally make them. I am going to talk to ds's teacher tonight too.

This morning I changed dd's top and took her nailvarnish off as she's not supposed to have it on for school

I have made them proper breakfasts (ok, pain au chocolat this morning so not proper)

I have made them clean their teeth in the morning and helped them do packed lunches.

The thing is, WWW, I'm not sure its the working you want to give up, its a question of finding the right way of working.

I have found an almost paradox, that the more senior you are the easier it gets.

For me taking a part time or flexible working arrangement would put me very much on the back foot in what I do (my work is primarily transactional, so it can't really be done part time without significant additional support - ie someone else running the transactions on my days off).

But because of my seniority I do have quite a lot of people scurrying around working for me . I get the DCs up in the morning - in fact have about 1.5 hours with them, do breakfast/packed lunches etc and leave when they go to school just after 8'ish. I'll usually have fired off a lot of emails late before I go to bed, and when I get in about 9'ish everyone is already set up for the day and knows what they need to be doing .
In fact, they all pretty much like working like this - directed but not micro-managed. As I keep saying to them "I hope you are valuing the opportunities for self-learning and self-advancement I am giving you"

I know you have a grim commute, which I would find very hard. I think it is not a question of not working, but of how to make the work work for you within the parameters of what you do.

(I'd be a nightmare as a SAHM. I am a terrible gossip, and would hang around the school gates being a nightmare mother and commenting on the minutiae of other people's lives. Its only the hard grind of daily doses of corporate law that keeps me from being one of those old biddies in Cranford).