I work FT OTH and am fantasising about being a SAHM, come and disabuse me... Or, alternative title: being a SAHM with children at school must be bliss, surely?

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I tried to find Issymum's thread of a while back where she was a SAHM for a couple of weeks and fantasised about doing it full time. Afaik she didn't and is still employed very fT OTH.

I usually commute and dh does drop offs and pick ups so I leave the house at 7am and get back at 6.30pm. My contract ends at the end Oct and I may not be able to find something else straight away so this may indeed become a reality. But in the meantime...

This is my second day working from home this week and it has been lovely to do the following:

SEE the children in the mornings. I had a long chat with ds about the 11+ and how he's feeling. I had a long cuddle with dd in bed and did her hair before school and made them both breakfast. It's not the making breakfast/chivying them into the car I like, it's the being around for them. It's dd's second ever week at school, it's been nice seeing her settle in a bit.

keep on top of the washing with v little effort

think about what we're going to eat rather than desperately rifling through the fridge at 6.30

Do boring but necessary things like activate a bank card, register ds's school place, do an online shop, clean the bathrooms (we usually have a cleaner but don't atm), notice both dd's school tops needed to go in the wash last night so she had a clean one for today

Not having to RUSH everywhere. Being able to speak to my mum/friends during the day and chat a bit.

Any other FT WOTHP's fantasise about this? Or did you do it? And if so, was it lovely?

Or, if not, remind me that the reality isn't quite as nice as my fantasy please. Because if I do get a job I have to take it.

TIA.

I am adoring being a full-time SAHM with a child in all day school this month (it started on Monday). I spent most of Monday cosying up to my DP (who had spent the weekend in NY) - lovely to have the opportunity and time to do this. And I haven't even yet got round to writing my to do list of postponed domestic jobs, let alone contemplating how to execute it.

On Tuesday I had lunch with a former-colleague-and-still-childless-girlfriend whose last role before finally quitting the consulting firm we met at was as a worldwide HR person dealing in large part with how to increase/promote women within the firm.

She finally left because she could no longer walk the talk. The hypocrisy of the gap between the PR the firm was doing about how female-friendly it is, and the reality of the lifestyle it offered, was just too much for her to take.

I think it is really hard to have a lovely, happy family life and a great career. I don't personally know any woman who has achieved a work-life balance I envy while having a full guns blazing career.

Maybe being a SAHM doesn't fill the day satisfactorily forever. But it really isn't such a bad option if (like any job) your heart is in it and you make the most of it.

lol Anchovy at Cranford! I agree, I don't want to commute any more, that's probably part of what's sapping me. I was senior enough in my last perm job that I could go to sports day without having to ask or could easily amend my hours/take a long lunch and it wouldn't be questioned, so life was easier then.

I think when the long commute is over I will feel differently.

Anna888, yes, work life balance is what I want. And right now (well, not this week, working from home 3 days this week means I AM getting it!) I'm not generally getting it.

oh anchovy does that count as the most marie antoinette advice of the day? be senior and have large team. delegate to said team. gosh, we fools who didn't think of that are very grateful for your input.

before i sound too bitter and twisted ("too late! far too late!" they cry )- i am genuinely pleased that there are senior women out there making it work.

but it does make my teeth itch when, against all evidence to the contrary, this is portrayed as anything other than exceptional.

real life is more likely to be as anna describes for many women.

and back to anchovy's post, interim managers such as WWW (and myself) usually have far less flexibility, are usually expected to be much more hands on, and are usually under a great deal more "face time" pressure than their permanent colleagues of equivalent seniority. those are the downsides, ime, to balance against the opportunities to take periods of time off.

But would it not be just awful to spend most of your day 'cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing'? And, even worse, to be the only one in the household doing those tasks and be utterly taken for granted that you are there to do it? That is what would be soul destroying to me. I cannot bear to feel that I am anyone's domestic drudge. And do NOT want my sons thinking that this is what women do for them.
So, if I were to give up work, I would have to fill the time with something more worthwhile than domestic labour. And then, I might as well get paid for it.
But it IS a question of balance. There does need to be enough time for both of the adults to do the domestic work AND have sufficient time to be around the kids. I think it is your commute that has to go tbh - then all will seem well again
I also agree that it is harder when they are at school - there lives are just more complicated and you ahve to spend a lot mroe time taking account of their needs and preferences.

elliott - do you really think that a SAHM spends most of her days "cooking, cleaning, shopping and washing"? Don't you think that mothers who have skills that go way beyond the domestic (not to denigrate domestic skills btw - I think that they are wildly underrated as a contributor to human happiness) actually use them to help their families reach better decisions about what they are going to do? Just as at work you apply your analytical brain, so you can do at home.

Now hold on bossykate. Wasn't meant to be Marie Antoinette. Where am I saying that "why doesn't everyone do what I do, because then you will all have a better life and you fools haven't realised it yet"

Was meant to say that sometimes, counterintuitively, going on a bit further reaps bigger rewards in terms of work/life balance than working "traditionally" flexibly does. I do, largely, get to Sports Days, open evenings, plays etc because I can flex my own hours with little accountability. For me it would be much harder and more stressful if I were actually working part time. Just an observation.

Oooh - don't drag me into a Cranford-style catfight when I'm supposed to be working!

I have decided being a mother means alwasy feeling guilty that we aren;t doing enough/the right thing by our children.

Children have been back at school for a week adn we are gaining some kind of routine and is working so far!

I do miss work terribly but i know that i will miss out going back to work, hence my etenal mothers guilt!

Hope you have come to a decision for yourself and your family.

p.s i am a name changer i am normally lubyluby but someone suggested that sounded rude

If I didn't work I would help out at school, do voluntary work, see more of my parents

tons of stuff

and I do like a good potter about doing not a lot, it has to be said

ts really BORING
being at home allt eh time
look forward to the days i work

but id not take a job at any cost tbh
i start at08 20 and finish at 15 30 and its ONE song on my ipod drive away.

elliott, but I don't think that boring shite would take that long really if I were at home to keep on top of it. And then I could do all the other things I want to do.

Anchovy, I agree that part time for me would be the worst of all worlds: less money, less senior, more work to do at home, etc etc but also know that a perm job probably is the way to go to get any flexibility (on a day to day basis) as being an interim/contractor does mean I have to physically be there a lot of the time. I got some flexibility these past six months because I spent the first six months earning it.

www re the hotels
you only go to tem to get a break dont you? if oyu were part time mayeb oyud need less of a break

Ha, I knew I shouldn't have said that
I was actually quoting back what WWW said she would do if she was a SAHM (along with lots of other stuff naturally).
But for me, a big reason for working is so that my role in the household does not revolve around making life lovely for everyone else. If I were a SAHM I would have to make myself so busy that I didn't just end up tidying up after everyone else etc etc.

No cod the hotel thing is something completely different - it's about going away with your DP/H somewhere where you have no responsibilities whatsoever and can indulge in one another for a little while.

We have a hotel weekend booked for the first weekend in October - nothing to do with working hard in September and everything to do with just wanting a bit of escapism.

yes btu she works hard thats hwy she goes partly
she woudlnt need to escape from a calm life

I knew you were quoting me elliott.
cod, agree, I like hotels because it's a break and you're right, if I was less knackered then I'd need it less.

What is so wrong with making life lovely for everybody else? Providing your own life is equally lovely, of course.

alwasy rememebr all yor" eat toast in car" thing
thast no life is it?

i think youll b a to happier cutting back anddoign part time
rememerb my h went mad last year( and then lst laodsof weight?)
currently ina job that pays the same s the old one btu a lot les going to Texas and its kind of boring
but hey - he is at home a lot or flyig to paris or wheevere for a day
kdis LOVE it and love and know him a lot more.

And its not so much how much time I would spend doing the domestic stuff, its the fact that it woudl come to be seen as MY JOB, not anyone elses (this must surely be unavoidable, otherwise how could you possibly justify not being out at work?) I believe that everyone shoudl be responsible for the work of the household. I will not be the mother who picks up her sons dirty washing and puts it away again clean and ironed - they will grow up thinking that the washing fairy does all that...

But do also go to hotels to spend time with dh away from children, it is lovely.

oh stop it will you
I am feeling very keenly the fact that dh and I have not had a night on our own for two years...

Yes Cod, I have had 3 years now of worknig very very hard, starting with six months of linving away from home and doing 2 hours a day on the M1, then doing 2 years of nasty project and working til late every night and culminating in last year of 4.5 hour a day commute. I deserve a break and dh agrees.

and oyu can be the mumsnet christmas coordinator
be the doyenne of all thigns stylish for a traditional english crhsitmas

you need a break imo

you always come across as stretching yourself v thin and I mean that is the nicest, non judgey way

your son is coming up to an important time and your dd has just started school

in your shoes I would embrace the end of your contract and look for something after Christmas maybe, if I was bored/frustrated with baking scones

WITH NO COMMUTE

yes www

chillax