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Original poster

Daughters classmate has been touching her private parts. I need advise please

57 replies

whataworry · 07/09/2008 20:59

Sorry for the daft name - It's all I can think of right now. I am a name changer as I want to keep this sensitive matter private.I am always recomending MN and don't want her or me to be recognised.

DD has just anounced today that a boy in her class has been touching her inside her knickers and pinching her bottom.It was going on before the end of last term and has happened again this week.

She is six and has mentioned that he is one of her boyfriends and he wants to maryy her - you know what they are like. Anyway,she mentioned it to my mum today. She said when he is doing it she just moves away from him because she dosen't like it and he just moves closer again.

I am calm but feel sick inside right now. I know it is probaly just exploration on his part but I am extrem;y worried and want it to stop.

Please can someone talk to me. I haven't got the first idea of what I am going to say to the teacher. I am not sending her to school until I have spoken to her. I can't send her to school knowing that this is going to happen to her again. How will the school handle it? has anyone got any experience of the same thing?

OP posts:
bluejellybean · 07/09/2008 21:51

I expect some social stories will be used with the whole class and then the little boy would have some role play work one to one with the SENCo I expect to ensure it is fully understood that we respect one another etc etc. Just picking up on another comment about abuse - yes this is sometimes a sign of more worrying things and so if there were any other concern about the child this would be added to their records and action taken as needed.

My overall feeling is that this is something which ofen happens in this age group and some careful, considered Personal, Social Education stories and games are all that's needed. Once the taecher has acted be sure to talk it through with your daughter then forget it. Hope that helps!

bluejellybean · 07/09/2008 21:53

Sorry about the type o's speed typing and eating my tea rather late!!

piratecat · 07/09/2008 21:56

i remember clearly being about 6 and us doing the doctors and nurses bit.

twinsetandpearls · 07/09/2008 21:56

You need to see someone in school monday morning. This could be innocent childs play but could also be a sign that this little bo is being abused. Which ever it needs to stop.

Twiglett · 07/09/2008 21:58

you need to speak to the school

you need to NOT question. DO NOT TALK TO HER ANY MORE unless she wants to talk to you about it .. DO NOT!

You go and talk to the teacher and you tell her exactly what has happened, you expect this to be taken seriously and investigated and get a plan of action

Feel free to cat me .. have experience

twinsetandpearls · 07/09/2008 21:59

I was about to say the same twiglett, if you say too much to dd you will put ideas in her head and potentially make things difficult of there is something sinister going on.

morningpaper · 07/09/2008 22:11

Can't believe it is happening right under the teacher's nose! Terrible. Speak to teacher, hopefully s/he will be mortified into taking immediate action.

Original poster
whataworry · 07/09/2008 22:41

I know it is difficult. I don't want her to feel ashamed.I want it handled well so if anything like this happens again then she won't be frightened to tell an adult.

Thanks for your replies

OP posts:
Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:20

I am now so confussed.

I went to the head today and she has been very nice and tried to sort it out. She belived DD until she called the boy and his mother in. She belived the boy and his mum said that she can tell if he is lying.

DD didn't help herself at all when I went up there after this and sat in the chair and sqirmed about looking at the floor. She is sure he has done it. The head feels that she has made it up maybe and can't back out of it.

Trouble is Why would she make something like that up ? I have spoken to DD again tonight and I asked her how many times he has touched her vagina and she says once. She says that he pinches the tops of her leg and bottom all of the time. The teachers reckon her goes nowhere with her. He says that her is not her 'boyfriend'.

Head teacher said he is such a sweet little boy and she can't belive he is not telling the truth.

I asked dd not to tell anyone about this at school. She told two friends. I know this because I quizzed her and she confessed even though she knew I would be cross.

See thats the thing. She is not the sort of child to lie. I just don't know anymore

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 08/09/2008 17:23

My goodness, I cannot believe you have got in such a state about this.

When I was a little girl we played "doctors and nurses" and "mummies and daddies" and a lot of looking and touching went on - we were just playing in a totally normal way.

Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:24

I have a note that he sent to her last term which reads ' To XXXXX plees come to mi partee and you haf to come hacide ' it is covered in love hearts but is not signed

OP posts:
forevercleaning · 08/09/2008 17:26

if he is 6 years old, he must have seen this happening somewhere else. (which is a worry)

Definately speak to the school asap.

FioFio · 08/09/2008 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 08/09/2008 17:27

so what are the school actually going to do about it? are they doing any work on personal boundaries in the classroom?

you really should NOT be questioning your dd or talking to her about it

if your dd says it happened then you have to accept that

go and see the head again and tell her that you believe that something untoward is happening and you want to know what they are planning on doing about it in terms of working on personal boundaries and unacceptable behaviour

was the head questionning the children in front of each other or their parents?

Anna8888 · 08/09/2008 17:28

Yes FioFio and you and I are both well known perverts

Please get this into perspective

Twiglett · 08/09/2008 17:29

and you need to separate this in your head from a 'sexual act' .. it's not, it's natural childish exploration .. but the school should be working on body boundaries

Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:29

Yes she questioned the boy with his mum there.The head told me that she had to ask his mums permission and the mum requested that she had to be there

OP posts:
DarrellRivers · 08/09/2008 17:29

When I was 6 , another girl in my class, a boy called \William and myself used to go into the toilets and show each other what we had in our pants
Any boy that used to come to my house to play, my friend and I would undress and play Doctors and Nurses with
Very normal exploration
I suspect I would have been mortified if anyone had ever found out at school

MrsTittleMouse · 08/09/2008 17:31

But in this case it sounds as though the little girl isn't happy with it - she's moving away. Which is different from a bit of exploratory "you show my yours", isn't it?

forevercleaning · 08/09/2008 17:35

agree mrstittlemouse - showing is normal but if he is continuously trying to touch her and put his hand inside her knickers that is very different. And she doesnt want this to happen.

Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:36

It isn't a sexual act what-so-ever. I know that as I have said before.

I am only using the word boyfriend because that is what she calls him. They are six not sixteen.

I think he is just pinching her bottom and legs with affection t.b.h. But she is not enjoying it and finding difficult to deal with. I think the hand up the skirt is a one of

OP posts:
Mercy · 08/09/2008 17:37

Completely agree Mrs Tittlemouse.

The OP's dd doesn't like it.

So what did the HT suggest as to how it's goign to be dealt with?

Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:39

There are boundries to everything.Like boys sitting there with there hands down there pants 247 - they never grow out of it but there is a time and a place .

Yes the school have had a talk with the children today about touching

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Original poster
whataworry · 08/09/2008 17:40

They are going to keep them apart. They have done the best they can

OP posts:
Twiglett · 08/09/2008 17:41

wait and see then. Make sure DD knows that you believe her and she can tell you about anything and forget about it

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