Daughters classmate has been touching her private parts. I need advise please

[whataworry]

Sorry for the daft name - It's all I can think of right now. I am a name changer as I want to keep this sensitive matter private.I am always recomending MN and don't want her or me to be recognised.

DD has just anounced today that a boy in her class has been touching her inside her knickers and pinching her bottom.It was going on before the end of last term and has happened again this week.

She is six and has mentioned that he is one of her boyfriends and he wants to maryy her - you know what they are like. Anyway,she mentioned it to my mum today. She said when he is doing it she just moves away from him because she dosen't like it and he just moves closer again.

I am calm but feel sick inside right now. I know it is probaly just exploration on his part but I am extrem;y worried and want it to stop.

Please can someone talk to me. I haven't got the first idea of what I am going to say to the teacher. I am not sending her to school until I have spoken to her. I can't send her to school knowing that this is going to happen to her again. How will the school handle it? has anyone got any experience of the same thing?

I'm surprised the head called the mum in. She could have spoken to both children together about personal boundaries. After hearing his side of it of course. Now it just sounds like the head doesn't believe your dd and believes him because 'he's sweet and tells the truth'. I wouldn't be happy with that.

Ww I feel for you, went through something a bit similar (my dd 5 at time witnessed).
I would be upset the school took his side, yes he is bound to lie as he knows its wrong.
Your dd does sound very sensible and knew to tell, i had to try and not badger my dd all the time by asking questions(although it killed me).
All I can say is have another chat and just explain she must tell you if she any concerns, and keep on at school if you feel something is wrong. Also you can go to the Govenors, they have to listen and investigate.
In most classes it is impossible to keep an eye on whats going on and the kids get up to all sorts.
Good luck

windyweather - thank you.

Don't think I'd be happy with the school's response. And it doesn't sound like you are, either. Can you suggest that they cover inappropriate and appropriate touch in lessons? As a general topic not aimed at any individuals?

And are you convinced that dd knows a. she did the right thing in telling you and b. she knows what to do if someone tries to touch her in a way that she's not happy about?

Might be worth contacting the NSPCC and asking for their advice - how would they expect something like this to be handled by the school? And what would they suggest you tell your dd?

I think that the school were a bit crap to call the boy and his mother in and question them. I don't see why they can't just accept your DD's story. It's hardly THAT shocking, is it? It's just normal play for lots of children.

The problem is that SHE is uncomfortable with it, and I would maybe act out situations with her and get her to stand up for herself. E.g. "OK you need to learn to say NO in a scary voice. I'm going to pull your pigtails and you need to turn around and say "NO THAT IS NOT OKAY"." Say it LOUDER! Be SCARY! etc. Work on assertiveness. I've no idea if that is the right thing to do, but it's what I've done with my DD when she's talked about similar situations; she is five.

I don't agree with posters who say it needs to be investigated and I would be uncomfortable talking about this as something naughty and inappropriate - I think the important thing is that the children are aware that no one is allowed to touch their body without their permission and they need to learn to be assertive in saying NO loud and clear.

Anyway, glad that there has been some resolution, and hope things improve.

Dh went in this morning and spoke to the head teacher again.The little boy in question had lied about even being friends with DD. He came to her birthday party in July. I think he was just being a child and pushing the boundries to be honest.The school have had a chat with all the class and have told me this will stop.

I just hope the little boys parents are sensible and realise that if they had a daughter that came home telling them this that they too would have a duty to tell the school and want it stopped. There was no time whatsoever that we thought badly of him. I hope this is the end of it.

Thanks for all the supportive posts - It really has been good to talk about this. I really hope my DD and even the little boy have not been scared by it all.

Thank you

all things considered, i think you've dealt with this situation really well...it's key to remember not to sexualise children's uninhibited behaviour.