Can posters please stop prentending that they don't JUDGE people because we ALL do.

[LittleMissBliss]

I'm fed up of people saying oh don't judge what will that achive. If you judge you are smug etc. WE ALL JUDGE PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW EVERY DAY!

By the house they live in.
Car they drive.
Clothes they wear.
religeon they follow.
The way the address their children.
They way they talk.

I'm sure we are all guilty of judging a complete stranger on the street.

Mutton dressed as lamb- Oh god look at her who does she think she is?
Hoodies- Better cross the street, they look dodgey.
Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobed girls- she mut be a stripper.
Older balding beer bellied bloke with beautiful Thai woman and mixed raced baby- she must be a mail order bride.

So can people stop posting what gives you the right to judge, unless they can honestly say that they do not judge others.

It is human nature to form opinions on others from small observations. I'm not saying its good to judge others. But just admit that you do!

thank you Marina . Gosh, I have never had so many "agrees" in my mumsnet life before. I should get on my soapbox more often.

The downside is I have just realised that all the people on the "against judging" side of the fence have set ourselves up for a fall - I shall have to namechange in the future in order to post my rantings about old ladies queue jumping and men elbowing me on the tube.

I'm trying really hard to imagine a scenario in which i'd have to choose between leaving my child with a beautiful young woman and a grungey tatooed man, and I can't think of one!!

Think of a better scenario!

thats not the point. the point is if you had to make a decision on looks alone i'm sure you would have choosen the girl because you would have judged the man and thought the girl would take better care of your children, no?

LMB that just about describes my sister and my dad - and I know who makes the better babysitter

(actually my dad doesn't really have dreads - but he is scruffy, unkempt, bearded and grumpy. And DS adores him )

No - of course not! I wouldn't leave my child with either of them!

They both came for a nanny position and you were urgently called away before having the chance to interview them!grin]

I do get what you're trying to say, btw. I'm not being deliberately obtuse. But your example is flawed, because there are very few scenarios in real where we have to judge on appearances for a matter of life or death, or a matter of your child's safety.

I think that judging by appearances is purely an entertaining past time, and not a particularly fruitful or nice one.

Sorry!

ok if he was following you home would you feel uncomfortable? www.theoffside.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/leeds-and-england-tattoo-2.jpg

If she was would you notice?

I'm not saying it thats not my point. My point is that i assure you that you do judge people. That's how we asses others, choose friends. Allow people into our homes etc.

*it is, I'm not saying that we all judge to the extent that people like myself. But well judge. To say that someone doesn't simply isn't true. Unless they aren't mentally capabale obviously.

*we all, can't even type anymore must go to bed.

again - that's not the kind of judging that people are criticising when they say "don't judge" on mumsnet.

No-one is saying that we don't make assumptions about people from their physical appearance.

What we are saying is - don't take a situation you don't know much about and assume moral superiority over the person in that situation. If you do, don't post about it on the internet and expect to go unchallenged.

It's a completely different situation from crossing the road to avoid a gang of hoodies or whatever - which is probably equally unjustified but irrelevent to this arguement.

Oh and the point wasn't about life a death.

If you asked 100 people the same question who's i'm guessing the blonde would clinche it on looks alone. Because we would have quickly judged them and come to that conclusion. no?

Its a stupid question i know but i just wanted to make apoin that we all judge people on their looks. Not always badly but we just use that to make a first impression.

my point was about general judging if you read the OP.

such as looks etc.

no, your point was to ask people to stop criticising judging on mumsnet.

You then illustrated your request with a lot of examples not relevant to the kind of judging they are criticising.

YOU may be talking about general judging. The people saying "oo judgey judgey" are NOT talking about general judging - they are almost always criticising implied moral superiority.

Whatever you think about judging someone on looks, that's different to setting up a thread criticising the kind of food someone feeds her children or whatever.

eek - just looked at the time! Off to bed...

Anything you say on MN is sub judice. And that's my final word on the matter

The first guy, I may think, "Wow - that's some skin work."

The second lady, I may think, "What's a little old lady doing out by herself at night?"

I would notice anyone following me home, as people behind me make me very nervous. It doesn't matter what they look like.

And, i really try not to judge people on looks. Because I hate being judged by how I look - it's the one thing I can't stand! So I would try very hard not to do it to someone else.

Having said that, a few weeks ago Squonk started a thread about a girl that her and her dp had spotted in their local swimming pool, who they said looked 8-9 and who had her navel pierced. And I JUDGED!! Oh yes, i judged.

And then I thought, hang on a minute. What if it's a pretend one? What if the girl is actually a young-looking 14? Why does it matter to me if a mother has allowed her 8 year old daughter to have her navel pierced anyway?

So, in a way, I agree with you. Perhaps our first instinct is to judge - but I try to analyse that gut instinct, because quite often it's wrong.

Ok last point,
(A post that would never appear, but it's what i feel when people tell me its NU to smoke in preganancy because the mum may be having a really hard time)

'I noticed a male driver approaching extremley fast behind me in my rear veiw mirror, way over the legal road limits. He over took me and caused me to swerve and damage my car what a W*^%ker.

Would people say oh dont be so quick to judge he may have been trying to make it to his daughters play. Or birth of his child, late to collect his kids, get to the bedside of a dying Aunt etc. Whatever give the person a break excuse.

This doen't excuse his behaviour it was still dangerous driving he was putting other peoples life at risk as well as his own.

Women that smoke during pregnancy are putting their lives at risk (through general smoking cancer etc.) as well as their babies. If no one judged or gave a damn i believe mums would do it more frequently and openly. Increasing the risks.

Remember it was once the norm to hit children at school for missbehaving. I'm so glad that some one made a judgement on that one, aren't you?

OK

And here's my last point before I go to bed!

If I was the driver of the car who crashed because of the thoughtless driving then I would be very pissed off indeed! I would jump down the throat of anyone who suggested I should excuse his behaviour because he was driving to the deathbed of his favourite aunt! OTOH, if I wasn't driving, I would sympathise with the poster wrt damage and leave the judging of the causer of the accident to the injured party.

Women who smoke during pregnancy, presumably, know the dangers of smoking. I'm guessing they can read the warnings on the back of the packets (the ones which say "Smoking when pregnant harms your baby") so me judging them isn't going to change their opinions one iota, and may make them feel like utter shit for no reason whatsoever (other than to make me feel sanctimonious) so what's the point of that?

Often what is criticised as being judgmental is nothing of the sort. It's just disapproval.

i dont think i judge people much because i dont really notice other people. i have far too much of my own stuff going on to take the time to be concerned about people i dont know!

i do judge sometimes though. if there is something going on that i cant fail to notice, such as a woman chasing her child around the bus stop and whacking her

i dont really notice or care if people judge me. thier opinion is thier opinion it makes no difference to me what they think.

oh and btw i know the fat balding man and beautifull thai wife!! shes not mail order he met her on holiday and fell in love. they were thinking of moving to thailand last i heard as she couldnt get any benefits or help with baby things and they were struggling to look after the baby here on his wage alone! and i didnt judge i gave them my old pram and car seat