Can posters please stop prentending that they don't JUDGE people because we ALL do.

[LittleMissBliss]

I'm fed up of people saying oh don't judge what will that achive. If you judge you are smug etc. WE ALL JUDGE PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW EVERY DAY!

By the house they live in.
Car they drive.
Clothes they wear.
religeon they follow.
The way the address their children.
They way they talk.

I'm sure we are all guilty of judging a complete stranger on the street.

Mutton dressed as lamb- Oh god look at her who does she think she is?
Hoodies- Better cross the street, they look dodgey.
Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobed girls- she mut be a stripper.
Older balding beer bellied bloke with beautiful Thai woman and mixed raced baby- she must be a mail order bride.

So can people stop posting what gives you the right to judge, unless they can honestly say that they do not judge others.

It is human nature to form opinions on others from small observations. I'm not saying its good to judge others. But just admit that you do!

There are lots of absolutes they are called laws.

Why am i not allowed to have clear cut views on what i feel is wrong, immoral, of poor taste, unfair i could go on.

There are lots of absolutes they are called laws.

Why am i not allowed to have clear cut views on what i feel is wrong, immoral, of poor taste, unfair i could go on.

OK, well then Data from Star Trek.

But maybe you would have no idea why the child was eating the food they would.

The people who went home after having a good old judge at my child's expense would have had no idea that a) he was severely autistic b) he would only eat 5 items of food- food refusal being a result of his autism.

But hey ho how great you'd feel as you dished up your better food.

What you fail to realise is that for someone new to the game of dodging the judgey twats people that the little looks can send you home not ever wanting to go out again. When you're having to deal with day in day out difficulties and a very uncertain future then it can just about finish you off.

FWIW I still want to deck the man who shook his head at ds1 on a ferry over 5 years ago. His gawping and head shaking contributed to us not getting on a ferry to visit dh;s parents for 4 years (we went this year because my parents came to help).

Personally I find that I don't need other people 'below' me to feel confident in parenting decisions I make.

Like I said I've grown a pretty strong rhino hide over the last however many years. And if someone wants to do a bit of smug judging of anyone else on a snapshot of another person's life then I judge them lacking in experience and narrow minded.

Judging someone on the perceived roboticness (is that a word?) of their post??? Crikey, some of the non-judgers really are putting us judgers in the shade. Hilarious!

Laws are not moral absolutes.

well maybe not but allot of the moral absolutes are illegal.

Sorry Anna, that was rude. I do understand what you are saying but just a little taken a back that this is the sort of thought process that goes through your head if you see a child eating.

paolosgirl. I really don't think that the non judgers are saying they are non judgers wtf!

I judge all the time. It is a perfectly normal human trait. I just don't think a lot of the time it is a very worthy pursuit.

Slubberdegullion - reevaluate your feelings - judging is a worthy pursuit (as long as you don't insult others)

Not at all Slubber. My PFB was fed lentils and goodness knows what for the first few months post weaning, until I 'judged' another parent feeding her child 'crap', saw that the child was surviving perfectly well, and realised that DS was not going to perish if I fed him the odd sausage roll! Judgements can cause us to examine our values, and we may choose to change them one way or another.

Like I said, there's a difference between making assumptions and judging. I wasn't judging you by your OP, I was making an assumption based on the information you gave. Judging implies a moral (or other form of) superiority, and as I have confessed to the occasional moment of judginess myself, it would be hard for me to claim a moral high ground.

I'm not sure of the point of your OP though. You admit that judging 'isn't good', but don't seem to see any point in challenging judginess. Yes we are human, and we have base tendencies, but shouldn't we at least try to quash them rather than surrender ourselves to them?

Slubber- Exactly it is a perfectly normal human trait. I don't judge ever single person i meet, then come on mumsnet and bitch and moan about them. I only post about things that i feel strongly about.

I just wanted to make the point that we all judge and fed up of people acting as if they never judge. Then flame your opinion. I'm happy about the life i lead. Some actions of others upset me especially when they involve children or babies.

I do not see myself as being better than everyone but just feel the need to say what i feel.

I'n RL i prefer people that, say what they are feeling to my face (makes life a whole lot easier) and people that have strong opinions and views.

I am not saying judging is a good trait, but that it happens and it is normal.

Well I have come to the conclusion (thanks to this thread) that I am horrendously self absorbed, as I just don't have the inclination to notice what other people are feeding/doing wtih their children.

MadamAnt-

Judging,

To have as an opinion or assumption; suppose
To determine or declare after consideration. or deliberation.
To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration.

The judging that you're referring to here is the judgmental sort though, doesn't it?

e.g. OMG I saw a pregnant woman smoking and stuffing her child with Fruit Shoots and Greggs Sausage rolls while stealing grapes in the supermarket while her obese tattoo-ed DH waited outside in the disabled parking bay.

I started the smoking while pg thread and I stand by the fact that I was judgemental - what she was doing was awful and yes, I do look down on her for doing it and yes, I do feel proud of myself that I don't smoke. Too much pussyfooting around these days imo!

There's judging and judging though. There's the processing of information and matching it or contrasting it with what we already and deciding if it's good, bad, indifferent, funny etc. We all do that. It's part of what makes us individual.

What I think people object to is the "I saw a woman I don't know doing something perfectly harmless with her child and it's not the sort of tihng I would do so I think she's a really bad mother. Am I being unreasonable?

Yes, we all judge.

I think it's OK as long as there is some recognition of the fact that life is not a level playing field. Many of us are far more privileged educationally, culturally and materially than those we judge. Who knows how different they would be if they had our advantages?

I'm talking about the first of the three.

Your e.g is spot on mumsnet is full of it. But people continue to act as if the are above judging they have never judged a soul in their life.

Plus most of my judgements are formed because of other things that have gone on in my life.

Eg.

I think pregnant women that smoke are selfish.

This is because a girl who i worked with smoked throughout her whole pregnancy. Her son now has a tube suplying oxgen that goes into his throat.
A girl that i went to school with did the same. Her little girl had to have a lung transplant at 3 days old.

I dislike it when people feed their small babies crap beacuse it baffles me.

These are the two things that i am guilty of juging strongly on. I probably judge in many other situations. It's most probably a momentry thing and passes, not enough to really bring any strong emotion out of me.

they oxygen

they oxygen

A lung transplant at 3 days old? Are you sure?

Were the lung conditions linked to smoking in pregnancy? They seem rather extreme.

Here's Britain's yougest lung transplant patient aged 5. A child with CF so nothing to get all judgey about there.

I do find the whole "post about a thing I saw that outraged me" thing slightly baffling. What does it achieve apart from give lots of people a chance to pat themselves on the back?

I mean, I judge as much as the next person, and if I saw a pregnant woman smoking I probably would make all sorts of assumptions about her. But I wouldn't go and post an outraged thread on MN about it. I just wouldn't see the point.

We all know that we shouldn't smoke, we all know even more that we shouldn't smoke while pregnant. What does posting achieve apart from give us all a chance to feel smug because we are more clever/virtuous/responsible/strong-willed than the poor cow on the street? Who meanwhile has continued on her way oblivious to the fact that she has made a lot of people on an internet site she's never read feel righteously indignant and pleased with themselves.