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What's up with my stepmum's behaviour ? Is she a bully or just immature ?

49 replies

Workerbee98 · 03/10/2025 09:23

Hi ,
My stepmum readily will tell us to get out for the smallest of mistakes a 23 yo would make , yell, complain loudly enough for us to hear outside our bedroom door. Have a tantrum if there is inconvenience due to you ie left me at a service station because I was late . Lock the garden doors after I use it . X4 Passive aggressive notes everywhere. Control over curfew whilst I am a young adult. Ruin memories I made as I would recieve threatening texts telling me to get out when she never told me not to go out late or even cares about my wellbeing. Assumed I was having hookups when I wasn't.

Cuts off WiFi for everyone at night when angry her daughter didnt sleep, when she can just take her phone instead.

When we dont do anything to warrant it , we avoid her and listen to her many instructions thats ridiculous.

Everything always is catered to her.
She Would always go from 0 to 110.
Wrong tone ? She'll tell you to get out.
You agree to open door for plumber and tell her I am downstairs, when she asks you for the 4th time and your annoyed , and she starts yelling if your not going to open the door for the plumber get out.
And you respond, I am downstairs what is the problem ? Calmly and confused.

Everything is always if you dont listen to me get out. When I was listening in the first place or apologise if i broke her rules by accident ie she didnt tell me she had a hidden rule but then threatens me to get out.

Its as if she thinks women need to be trapped . She recently came here from a third world country and brought her restrictive views but that doesn't explain the random rages at the most non threatening situations and making me feel unwanted. And throwing around get out the house frequently and easily.

She also feels entitled to receive rent from us , whilst treating us like this .
How is this fair? If you want to profit from us , treat us well and then we'll give you our hard earned money gladly. But why should we give you money if you made our lives hell?

I have a feeling she's been using her stepkids as money making machines. Because otherwise she ignores us. And gossips about us. Knows my father doesn't talk to us but it works for her.

My sis refused initially to give her money for rent but is forced to pay rent .

Is this some kind of abuse ? Is she being manipulative? She is a fierce woman and forced her way in here and got a green card without meeting us eithier .

I told her she was crazy , she repeated I was crazy to hurt me. And in her anger told me I was a mute to her mum . Gossip about my uni failing. Said to her friends she cohldnt wait to kick me out. Smirked I think when I looked frustrated but I can't be sure.

She's good at hiding her true self. She says she did nothing wrong. Good at validing everythig she does . Is she a covert bully? Or just got anger issues?

Can anyone please give me advice , because on the outside, it looks like she's mad because I did something wrong ? But I swear she's doing this on purpose to punish me for being here. And wants to cause me suffering.
It's hard to prove it.

She's equally controlling with her daughter but never tells her to get out as frequently and as easily as she has with me.

She did kick out my older bro due to him getting mad due to something she caused. And me eventually I got mad at something she said and my anger was too much. Ie she told me to leave the house in 3 days .

She's always wrong and assumes we're being rude when we are not, and then argues.
And we are like , what's the problem? Your causing issues out of nothing . Making mountains out of a molehill .

Ie she was convinced I was lying
. She was convinced someone coaxed me to leave the house when she kicked me out etc.

I asked her why she is always so angry . There's no problem?

I always would appease her.

Also she kicked me out for something she caused . I didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you .

Sorry if it's too long .

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 03:10

suburberphobe · 05/10/2025 04:05

I'm confused.

You mention Pounds but also talk about "got a green card" which is in USA if I'm not mistaken.

Clarifying in which country you live will help with people being able to help.

Lots of people from across the pond on MN also.

She wanted to enter the uk.
So forced her way in by marrying my dad , without meeting us.

OP posts:
CleanShirt · 06/10/2025 03:13

Are you going to move out?

INeedAnotherName · 06/10/2025 06:53

Your father is/was allowing this. Try blaming the right person.

Move out, and if you have siblings maybe do a houseshare with them instead?

londongirl12 · 06/10/2025 07:01

So you’re 27 now? Why are you still living at home?

DaisyChain505 · 06/10/2025 07:58

You’re 27, if you’re so unhappy why not leave?

Rent Somewhere with your sister and split the cost?

dairydebris · 06/10/2025 08:06

Shes probably on her very last nerve with your entitled yet teenage attitude.

Just move out.

princesspadam · 06/10/2025 08:07

So you’re 27 living at home with savings and you’re complaining about paying rent & that no one has bought you a car 🤔

RogerR4bbit · 06/10/2025 08:08

Why don’t you and your siblings rent a place together?

You're 27. Most DC have moved out of their parent’s home by this point and it’s pretty clear that they don’t want you living at home any more.

I’m not excusing your SM or your DDad’s behaviour, but every one sounds unhappy here, so just leave.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/10/2025 08:14

Who’s house is it?

LadyQuackBeth · 06/10/2025 09:13

Are you sure your dad was honest with her about his living situation when he persuaded her to move over to live with him?

It doesn't sound like she expected adult children coming and going all hours, acting like entitled teenagers and it doesn't sound like your dad is much use at all. She's not behaving great, but neither are you. She probably sees no end in sight, no movement from any of the adults to get on and have their own lives.

Move out, start living like an adult - you want all the freedom and no responsibility - time to grow up.

MellowPinkDeer · 06/10/2025 09:19

You are 23 OP , if you don’t like it, find somewhere else to live!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/10/2025 09:59

Our dc were at home until very late 20’s as saving for deposits.

Your life sounds awful op. You are being bullied and abused. I’d be inclined to stand up to her. Stop appeasing her. It’s pretty normal for 23 year olds to live at home.

Where’s your mumin this. ?

If she’s forcing you to hand over your savings then that’s financial abuse. It is normal to pay board though. Although when my ds was at home we charged him £35 per week.

anygoodfilmsonlaterornot · 06/10/2025 20:04

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Gettingbysomehow · 06/10/2025 20:12

You need to grow up and move out. I was forced out at 16 and managed, you are 23. Find a place with your siblings. Anything.

midsummabreak · 06/10/2025 20:21

How much of your work income do you have left over after you pay your dad and step mum ?

anygoodfilmsonlaterornot · 07/10/2025 22:36

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:30

londongirl12 · 06/10/2025 07:01

So you’re 27 now? Why are you still living at home?

No I left ages ago.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:32

RogerR4bbit · 06/10/2025 08:08

Why don’t you and your siblings rent a place together?

You're 27. Most DC have moved out of their parent’s home by this point and it’s pretty clear that they don’t want you living at home any more.

I’m not excusing your SM or your DDad’s behaviour, but every one sounds unhappy here, so just leave.

Got kicked out ages ago .
Thank you , I know everyone's miserable .

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:36

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/10/2025 08:14

Who’s house is it?

She arrived to my house, then she took it haha 😂 . My dad's I guess.

OP posts:
menopausalfart · 08/10/2025 19:36

Sounds like the only option for you is to move out. I left at 18 as my SD was toxic.

Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:38

Gettingbysomehow · 06/10/2025 20:12

You need to grow up and move out. I was forced out at 16 and managed, you are 23. Find a place with your siblings. Anything.

Aw bless . That must have been really hard.
But they give you alot of support at that age . Hope things worked out.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:48

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Yeah the entitlement is insane . She would lock doors after you use it , walk into the kitchen whilst your using it , have guests over 3 days , then another . Control my curfew . Her daughter not giving us privacy .

Insane . She knew what she was doing, not meeting us first.

Thank you for validating . :)

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 08/10/2025 19:57

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/10/2025 09:59

Our dc were at home until very late 20’s as saving for deposits.

Your life sounds awful op. You are being bullied and abused. I’d be inclined to stand up to her. Stop appeasing her. It’s pretty normal for 23 year olds to live at home.

Where’s your mumin this. ?

If she’s forcing you to hand over your savings then that’s financial abuse. It is normal to pay board though. Although when my ds was at home we charged him £35 per week.

Is this abuse ? Because I am not sure , because I did make minor mistakes but no child should be threatened over a tiny mistake right .

And made to feel unwelcome , technically she didn't do anything wrong .
So it's harder to push back. This all happened slowly through the years .

Once she passed my limit I did push back. Not to worry .
Hahaha that's a bargain. They seem well looked after .

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 08/10/2025 21:27

I’m confused. If you no longer live with her what’s the point of this thread?

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