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What's up with my stepmum's behaviour ? Is she a bully or just immature ?

49 replies

Workerbee98 · 03/10/2025 09:23

Hi ,
My stepmum readily will tell us to get out for the smallest of mistakes a 23 yo would make , yell, complain loudly enough for us to hear outside our bedroom door. Have a tantrum if there is inconvenience due to you ie left me at a service station because I was late . Lock the garden doors after I use it . X4 Passive aggressive notes everywhere. Control over curfew whilst I am a young adult. Ruin memories I made as I would recieve threatening texts telling me to get out when she never told me not to go out late or even cares about my wellbeing. Assumed I was having hookups when I wasn't.

Cuts off WiFi for everyone at night when angry her daughter didnt sleep, when she can just take her phone instead.

When we dont do anything to warrant it , we avoid her and listen to her many instructions thats ridiculous.

Everything always is catered to her.
She Would always go from 0 to 110.
Wrong tone ? She'll tell you to get out.
You agree to open door for plumber and tell her I am downstairs, when she asks you for the 4th time and your annoyed , and she starts yelling if your not going to open the door for the plumber get out.
And you respond, I am downstairs what is the problem ? Calmly and confused.

Everything is always if you dont listen to me get out. When I was listening in the first place or apologise if i broke her rules by accident ie she didnt tell me she had a hidden rule but then threatens me to get out.

Its as if she thinks women need to be trapped . She recently came here from a third world country and brought her restrictive views but that doesn't explain the random rages at the most non threatening situations and making me feel unwanted. And throwing around get out the house frequently and easily.

She also feels entitled to receive rent from us , whilst treating us like this .
How is this fair? If you want to profit from us , treat us well and then we'll give you our hard earned money gladly. But why should we give you money if you made our lives hell?

I have a feeling she's been using her stepkids as money making machines. Because otherwise she ignores us. And gossips about us. Knows my father doesn't talk to us but it works for her.

My sis refused initially to give her money for rent but is forced to pay rent .

Is this some kind of abuse ? Is she being manipulative? She is a fierce woman and forced her way in here and got a green card without meeting us eithier .

I told her she was crazy , she repeated I was crazy to hurt me. And in her anger told me I was a mute to her mum . Gossip about my uni failing. Said to her friends she cohldnt wait to kick me out. Smirked I think when I looked frustrated but I can't be sure.

She's good at hiding her true self. She says she did nothing wrong. Good at validing everythig she does . Is she a covert bully? Or just got anger issues?

Can anyone please give me advice , because on the outside, it looks like she's mad because I did something wrong ? But I swear she's doing this on purpose to punish me for being here. And wants to cause me suffering.
It's hard to prove it.

She's equally controlling with her daughter but never tells her to get out as frequently and as easily as she has with me.

She did kick out my older bro due to him getting mad due to something she caused. And me eventually I got mad at something she said and my anger was too much. Ie she told me to leave the house in 3 days .

She's always wrong and assumes we're being rude when we are not, and then argues.
And we are like , what's the problem? Your causing issues out of nothing . Making mountains out of a molehill .

Ie she was convinced I was lying
. She was convinced someone coaxed me to leave the house when she kicked me out etc.

I asked her why she is always so angry . There's no problem?

I always would appease her.

Also she kicked me out for something she caused . I didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you .

Sorry if it's too long .

OP posts:
DurinsBane · 03/10/2025 09:29

What does you dad say? And if you are 23, why don’t you find a flat share or something so you can be away from her?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 03/10/2025 09:29

Use the money she is trying to get from you to go rent a small place? Why is your df allowing this abuse? My sm wasn't very nice. For years I blamed her but my df stood back and allowed it.

3flyingducksarrive · 03/10/2025 09:31

Where's your father in all this? Move out and some of the problem will be solved.

It's fair enough that adults pay rent.

MerryRedSheep · 03/10/2025 16:02

I think you need to move out. You shouldn't have to put up with her. Why doesn't your father speak to you?

hattie43 · 03/10/2025 16:05

She clearly doesn’t want you there . You are 23 an adult , time to get your own place .

DaisyChain505 · 03/10/2025 16:05

You say she is charging you rent. Surely if she’s your step mum that means she lives with your dad and he too is charging you rent?

She’s probably sick of entitled adults thinking they don’t have to pay towards the household.

Youre 23, if you don’t like the set up, move out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/10/2025 16:07

How much rent are you paying that you imagine she and your dad are making a profit? Have you ever lived independently? If you’re so unhappy why not get your own place? Why’s your dad not speaking to you? You’re an adult in your mid 20s. Move out.

Workerbee98 · 05/10/2025 02:48

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/10/2025 16:07

How much rent are you paying that you imagine she and your dad are making a profit? Have you ever lived independently? If you’re so unhappy why not get your own place? Why’s your dad not speaking to you? You’re an adult in your mid 20s. Move out.

Hi.

My sister is only on part time wage. So a huge amount of her money is going towards rent .
She's paying £300 . They have forced us to give our savings before too. Whilst not treating us well.

:)

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 05/10/2025 02:56

DaisyChain505 · 03/10/2025 16:05

You say she is charging you rent. Surely if she’s your step mum that means she lives with your dad and he too is charging you rent?

She’s probably sick of entitled adults thinking they don’t have to pay towards the household.

Youre 23, if you don’t like the set up, move out.

No she wanted the rent , she wanted my savings but told my dad to go take it from us.
She wanted to kick me out but hid behind my dad. It was malicious and wrong.

Everyone else's parents are buying their kids cars and letting them live rent free , support and my family are an exception.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 05/10/2025 03:01

MerryRedSheep · 03/10/2025 16:02

I think you need to move out. You shouldn't have to put up with her. Why doesn't your father speak to you?

Yeah it's unfortunate . Thank you.

I did ask him why he's letting a woman kick his own kids out. And he ended up getting mad at me instead and threatened me to get out so he's an enabler. He enables what she does and keeps quiet when she yells.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 05/10/2025 03:06

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 03/10/2025 09:29

Use the money she is trying to get from you to go rent a small place? Why is your df allowing this abuse? My sm wasn't very nice. For years I blamed her but my df stood back and allowed it.

Yeah I also blame him mostly. Would have stopped if he had stepped up.
Unfortunately he's the type to just watch you get yelled . And not care. Has no empathy .
Only cares about his needs.

:)

OP posts:
princesspadam · 05/10/2025 03:10

You sound like an entitled child
you’re 23, get your own place and then you can live the life you want (maybe)

FeistyFrankie · 05/10/2025 03:15

This sounds horribly toxic. I think your only option is to move out and distance yourself from both your step mum and your dad as well.

Cookaburraa · 05/10/2025 03:23

Move out of live with your mum. Your SM doesn’t want you there and nor does your dad or he’d be intervening.

Howldens · 05/10/2025 03:24

I’m so sorry - you don’t deserve to be treated like this. 23 is still so young.

I guess your mum is no longer around?
can you and your siblings get a place together?

suburberphobe · 05/10/2025 04:05

I'm confused.

You mention Pounds but also talk about "got a green card" which is in USA if I'm not mistaken.

Clarifying in which country you live will help with people being able to help.

Lots of people from across the pond on MN also.

DaisyChain505 · 05/10/2025 07:59

Workerbee98 · 05/10/2025 02:56

No she wanted the rent , she wanted my savings but told my dad to go take it from us.
She wanted to kick me out but hid behind my dad. It was malicious and wrong.

Everyone else's parents are buying their kids cars and letting them live rent free , support and my family are an exception.

The last sentence just shows how immature and self righteous you are. No, everybody else’s parents are not buying them cars and letting them live rent free.

Not everyone has the money for that. The majority of people I know who have children with jobs charge them rent and expect them to do their share of chores in the home, because they’re adults.

NellieElephantine · 05/10/2025 08:03

DaisyChain505 · 05/10/2025 07:59

The last sentence just shows how immature and self righteous you are. No, everybody else’s parents are not buying them cars and letting them live rent free.

Not everyone has the money for that. The majority of people I know who have children with jobs charge them rent and expect them to do their share of chores in the home, because they’re adults.

This, if your interaction with her and your dad are like the rant here, I can see why she's wanting you to leave.

Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 02:40

princesspadam · 05/10/2025 03:10

You sound like an entitled child
you’re 23, get your own place and then you can live the life you want (maybe)

Not really.
I am happy to pay rent . I just know she is using us for money. And has taken our savings.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 02:43

FeistyFrankie · 05/10/2025 03:15

This sounds horribly toxic. I think your only option is to move out and distance yourself from both your step mum and your dad as well.

Thank you . It feels validating to hear that .
I always second guessed myself It wasn't that bad. That is the goal.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 02:49

Howldens · 05/10/2025 03:24

I’m so sorry - you don’t deserve to be treated like this. 23 is still so young.

I guess your mum is no longer around?
can you and your siblings get a place together?

Thank you. It was a horrible situation and i was extremely young.
But I know better now , that wasn't right. Its only up from here.
:)

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumbleCream · 06/10/2025 02:52

suburberphobe · 05/10/2025 04:05

I'm confused.

You mention Pounds but also talk about "got a green card" which is in USA if I'm not mistaken.

Clarifying in which country you live will help with people being able to help.

Lots of people from across the pond on MN also.

Yeah that bit confused me too

Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 02:58

DaisyChain505 · 05/10/2025 07:59

The last sentence just shows how immature and self righteous you are. No, everybody else’s parents are not buying them cars and letting them live rent free.

Not everyone has the money for that. The majority of people I know who have children with jobs charge them rent and expect them to do their share of chores in the home, because they’re adults.

No . I am mature, i am 27 yo now?

I don't want a car or to stay rent free , what I am saying is ...everyone else's family are supporting them and love their kids and letting them stay as long as they want rent free.
. There's a clear contrast, we are not loved.
But regularly threatened. You missed the point.

OP posts:
Workerbee98 · 06/10/2025 03:05

NellieElephantine · 05/10/2025 08:03

This, if your interaction with her and your dad are like the rant here, I can see why she's wanting you to leave.

Not really, I was quiet , would cook dinner and listen to her. Apologise when wrong. No parties .
I virtually got kicked out for no reason.

OP posts:
anygoodfilmsonlaterornot · 06/10/2025 03:10

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