Wife swap

[Tinker]

Well? What do we think?

MO1 said that she was constantly being attacked about her work and and the time away from Lottie and was fed up with it. While, as a full-time working mother (not trying to imply that sahm are not working), I do sort of know what she means, I found it astonishing that she got so upset everytime - I think, after a few attempts at trying to explain our decision, I would just tend to say to people like MO6 and her mother that they were entitled to their opinion and that she was doing what she believed was right.

I don't know if any of you have read the blurb on C4's website about the show or read the transcript of the webchat last night with the 2 Mums, but Lottie is apparently a 'child model' - hmmm. (Unless they got it around the wrong way and meant model child!!) Part of the argument at the end of the show was because MO6 called MO1 an 'improper mother', but she said she wasn't against working mothers as it hadn't been said on the show that she does part-time work herself as a youth worker.

Roll on next week's show!

The working mum on Wife Swap needs counselling - I was a highly paid lawyer before having my first son, I gave it all up moved 400 miles to live with Army husnbnd (full time) rather than just weekends together and started a small practice from home dropping my salary but has built up quite well (my son is now 3. She can't simply want to work for the money as if this was the case she would work nearer home (solicitors are everywhere of course!!) - it's her career at the place she works that she can't let go of - maddness!!. Children need their mums at least in the evenings and mornings for a few hours

Oh dear this has started up the SAHM mum against Working Mum debate again!!!!
It is a matter of choice, but from someone who knows it is easy to keep saying, "We need this money, we can't manage without", you can lose sight of it, not in all cases I agree.
I worked evenings at Royal Mail until two years ago and I am earning double the wage I got then, unless I was lucky enough to spend weekends doing overtime. Now we still aren't any better off than we were, but it is because we manage to spend whatever we have, so really I could give up at least some hours, but once you have had it you miss it.

I think she was just an extremely uptight person in all aspects of her life, but probably knew it and didn't like that aspect of herself. I don't think this is a working mothers v SAHM debate at all, more a quality of life debate for everyone in the family. How much do you need, financially, to have that? Or rather, how much can you do without without realising you can?

I think the career thing with mo1 was partly an excuse because, I still believe, she didn't particularly like children just the idea of them. They were part of the image she wanted for herself, part of the lifestyle. Making lots of gueses here and I could be all wrong.

I was talking about this with a friend today who works part time. She immediately felt sorry for Mo1 and hated m06. I thought mo6 was great myself and seemed to have a very good understanding of kids. I thought her egg-timer thing about giving kids time-limits/guidance etc was brilliant. Didn't think the dummy thing was that confrontational myself (but could have been daydreaming at a particular point!) However, my pt working friend is a complete control freak about tidyness and mess and I am a complete slob. So maybe we are identifying with 'types' rather than whether they work or not.

With regards to the point about the mum of 1 changing her hours or location. I live in North Staffs where the mum of 1 does and decent jobs are very very thin on the ground. It is not unusual for people to have to travel to Birmingham or Manchester to work and both the trains and the M6 are horrendous.

One upside to this is that housing is cheaper.

She said in the local paper that she was upset at the implication that because she worked she was not a proper mum and I agree with that, however I didn't see the programme soI can't comment on anyting else that happened.

I haven't read all the posts on this one but thought I would have my say. As a legal secretary (pre-children) I had to laugh at her references to her career, sorry if this offends anyone but I just never thought of it that way, a good job yes, but career no, not in my opinion anyway. I would also be very surprised if there was much left in her wages after paying for the childcare and her car, certainly up here in Scotland legal secretaries are notoriously badly paid even although you require more specialised knowledge and experience than for other secretarial jobs.

I'm a working mum and I thought MO1 gave the rest of us a bad name and too much ammunition for the anti- working mum brigade. She obviously felt guilty about her lifestyle choice because she was so damn defensive. I know I work to get away from my kids for a while. Much as I love them, it's great to be me for a while (and go to the loo in peace without ds2 trying to maim himself whilst my back is turned).

These progs are compulsive viewing but I do worry how they affect the participants in the long run.
I thought Mo1 came across very badly, as a not very bright snob , with nothing to be snobbish about, but this is possibly a very unfair conlusion for me to draw.
Presumeably the prog. was edited for maximum cringe factor.
At the end of the day she is just another woman trying to do the best for herself and her family and probably never expected to become this week's national hate figure when she agreed to take part.

I haven't watched this programme, but I have a neighbour here in the Outer Hebrides who manages to work as a (very erll paid legal secretary fom home by teleworking and she says that home-working legal secs are in very short supply with a huge demand on their time. Maybe the legal sec Mum could have though about something like that.
I am the oldest of 6 children, and you really NEED military precision to manage, if I remember my childhood correctly! I still have no idea when my parents slept!

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Batters

Currently I have no need or use for a Husband but I will ask DW if she does and if so then I'll get her to make you an offer.

As a self confessed anally retentive working MO1, I still didn't identify with MO1. Yes my career is important to me, but not as important as my child, and definately not important enough to spend 4 hours a day commuting. I agree with the comment about MO1 being a snob - that remark at the beginning about how she might be swapping with some millionaire with a huge house - get real love.
I also thought her defensiveness regarding working was a very bad example and image to portray. She obviously wasn't happy in her current life, but it seemed that it should have been quite easy for her to make other lifestyle choices. If her decision was that she enjoyed working more than she enjoyed looking after her child (on a full time basis - I love weekends and evenings), she should have had the balls to stand up and say that - I do. It doesn't make me a bad mother, just means I should never consider a career as a nursery worker. By making out that she didn't have a choice, and that working was necessary for financial reasons she diminished the right of women to make a positive choice to continue to work outside the home.

Pamina, I think you'll manage fine with two. Our problem is that DH works even longer hours than I do (min 60 hours a week in the office plus at least one night a week out until midnight). This means that I do 100% of the laundry, food shopping, bills, cooking etc which simply doesn't leave enough spare time. It sounds as though you are able to share the burden a bit more between you which I think makes an awful lot of difference.

Having read the thread but missed the programme (football was on), I think if the mo1 was happy with what she was doing then fine, if she wants to work long hours then great but I think the child needs at least one parent (either/or) with them giving them time and attention. I'm still confused over what do1 did, whether he spent a lot of time with his daughter to make up for his wife or if neither parent spent any time with her. Was do1 a doting father doing lots with her? If he was then may be things aren't so bad.

I thought that Mo1 was a legal exec, not a legal secretary. A legal exec could be earning around £40k, so if that's the case I would say it definitely qualifies as a career job!
Did anyone else think she was an exec not a secretary?

Havn't read all of the thread but agree that this was a totally gripping programme. MO1 was so defensive and I lost count of the number of times she told us she 'loved her daughter'. What I didn't understand was her story about going to work - one minute it was for Lottie, next minute it was for her. It was sad that she felt she had to be so defensive but it was also very telling. I agree with the comments that she prefered the idea of chilren but not the reality - is this why Lottie was in childcare from 6 weeks of age??

I thought she was a secretary and the very mundane task that her counterpart was asked to do seemed to support this (looking up companies on the Internet and writing down who their MD was).

Popparoo ? it said in our Guardian TV Guide she was a legal sec, though as someone else pointed out, she might well have been working towards a paralegal qualification. She did keep on going on about her career, though, and I think she may have said at one point that she was doing well, but wasn't doing as well as she would have been had she not had Lotty. Though if she did go back after six weeks, that can't have amounted to much more than the equivalent of a long holiday!

I'm not altogether sure where MO1 worked but in London a legal secretary could earn up to £30k - not that easy to give up, particularly if she was the higher earner.

Definitely agree with those who say that Mo1 could have got similar job nearer home. Four hours' commute a day is ridiculous unless there's a good reason eg super high-powered job. And even then - well, I just wouldn't do it, especially not with having children. Did think do6 at least did his bit and he was working at 2 jobs, as others have said. I am working mum (fulltime) and didn't take it as attack on working mums as such. I work a full day but always give my 2 breakfast and get them dressed, then bath and put them to bed at other end. It's not ideal and I miss them, but there are good reasons for working too for me. What got me was that M01 was saying she worked to build up her career for when daughter left home - in 15 years' time!! Surely a legal secretary does not need to do that. Fair enough work, yes I do it too, but be honest about the reasons - money, stimulation, enjoy your job, main breadwinner etc (all these apply to me). Then I think she would have appeared more sympathetic.