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Wife swap

249 replies

Tinker · 07/01/2003 23:20

Well? What do we think?

OP posts:
sis · 08/01/2003 10:31

Sorry, All the points I was slowly typing away were made before I posted!!

ks · 08/01/2003 10:35

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Philippat · 08/01/2003 10:48

I presume Lance must have had a job to afford a £50 a week weed habit (that's what Sonia called it) - at one point I think he said something about 'going on stage' so maybe he's in a band or something.

I suspect they chose such different people, not just because of the controvesy, but also so there was no danger of a real 'wife swap' going on...

Probably unfair to judge seeing as they must have edited it to make the points they wanted but yes - fantastic viewing. Sonia could have done so much better - I hope Trinny and Susannah tackle string vests in their next season.

DH and I spent ages deciding who we would be put to swap with. I think he wants to swap me with sobernow - someone who does everything! I can guarantee if sobernow's dp had to put up with me for a fortnight he'd propose...

Lil · 08/01/2003 11:39

Tinker thanks for starting this thread, it was such a great programme. I thought it was a normal fly on the wall, but when I turned over I even gave up watching yummy Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye to see this instead.

I was wondering though how many families in the UK are like the 'fat' family, especially in their attitudes to junk foods, junk TV and bigoted views. Does anyone know any statistics?Thinking that I'm a minority living in a 'cosy' bubble of middle england, is the most scary part about the programme!!!

tigermoth · 08/01/2003 11:47

sounds like I missed a cracker - hope the programme is repeated.

grommit · 08/01/2003 11:52

totally compulsive viewing. Agree with all that Lance was a complete creep. Couldn't believe the 'fat family' eating habits - microwave meals every night, do people really live like that - Lil - I must be in that bubble with you! Can't wait for next week....

bells2 · 08/01/2003 11:55

It seems to me Lil that just about every time I get a black cab home to the East End, I get the old "I'm not racist but..." line from the driver. It also seems to me that living entirely on convenience foods is not especially uncommon.

I have to confess that I would be fascinated by the opportunity to live with a family in one of the towerblocks in our area for a short time although certainly not on camera. I imagine that I would gain an awful lot from the experience. I would also dearly love to see my DH failing dismally to cope with a "wife" presenting him with a microwaved meal every night.

Crunchie · 08/01/2003 13:00

I am another fan, how funny it all was. I just loved the way Dee didn't believe in 'grounding'the kids, then came back and did just that. What was really interesting for me was the way that Sonia told Dave that one rule was him backing her up all the way, and I feel this gave him the opportunity to do just that. He suddenly became much more 'manly' rather than cowed by his wife. I think that Sonia gave hom the opportunity to feel like a real man for a change and this was why he liked her.

It also made me realise that if I threaten something, I need to follow through, I am far to lax with my kids, and with me they know they can get away with it!

sobernow · 08/01/2003 13:11

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eemie · 08/01/2003 14:38

Dee's affection for Sonia's kids seemed wholehearted and she tried to stick up for them and stop selfish Lance from bullying them. He criticised Dee's hygiene then smoked not only in the house but in the kitchen. He called her a racist but seemed to think it was okay to despise and insult someone for being fat. What he said about her overweight being more unhealthy than his smoking and drug habit was rubbish.

Why is the 'goddess' throwing herself away on Lance even though her kids appear to hate him? Anyone who talked to my kids like that would be history.

And was I the only one who found Sonia's behaviour crudely manipulative? She appeared better educated than the others but her tactics were primitive. She played the sisters off against each other, set Mary up with outrageous provocation, then encouraged Dave to stage an even worse tantrum (he was quite scary at one point) and sucked up to the more impressionable Carol.

The programme format seemed designed to encourage unreasonable behaviour eg 'these rules are not negotiable'. Even if Mary's parents set a good example, you'd hardly expect her to submit to a whole new set of rules and a gross invasion of her personal space without even an attempt at negotiation.

I'm sure the adults in real life can't be anything like the cartoons that this programme turned them into. But the children, in my view, were being exploited. It's harder for them to put on an act. Mary's rage, Carol's sly disloyalty, and the misery of Sonia's kids being crushed under Lance's monstrous ego, came across as all too real. These painful exposures were of no benefit to the children.

How old do you think children should have to be before they can validly consent to be used in this way?

Lil · 08/01/2003 16:01

Good points eemie. But even tho' Sonia was manipulative with the girls, what else could she do? I don't think many of us could have dealt with a Mary full on like that. However, she did show how just a few positive compliments to Carol could transform her from a foul mouthed insecure teenager to a happier more confident one in just 10 days. It must have been a real change from her screaming bossy mother - I wonder if she has ever felt good about herself in her whole life?

Crunchie · 08/01/2003 16:59

I agree with Lil, Dee actually said that Carol was sly and manipulative for 'sucking up' to Sonia, which I felt was unfair. I do think if Carol sees what her mother thought of her she's be upset.

Lance was also quite a tyrant, but in some ways I can understand Sonia sticking with him, she probably doesn't realise how good she is, and sees him as stable and traditional which she is used to. I don't know if Sonia works, but she appeared to have the same values as Lance - he said at the beginning he is traditional money earner etc, and he wants a woman to do her traditional role. Although most of us don't agree with these values being quite so bluntly spoken, lots of people prefer to have their roles defined. Also in his defence you saw him try to teach Dee how to cook, and cleaning up. He felt he was only trying to protect his family.

Eemie makes a good point about the exploitation of the kids in this.

In theory I would be interested in swapping families to see how others work, and I suppose this is as good an insight as we could get. I wish I could go and see a family where the parner actually pulls their weight!! That would shock mine into action!

Tinker · 08/01/2003 18:57

Best quotes: "You're like Hitler. And he died",

"If I had to choose between that b and my mum, I'd choose my mum any day" !!!!!!!

OP posts:
sis · 09/01/2003 10:45

Tinker, the worst bit about the Hitler comments was that they were in relation to Lance's behaviour towards Sonia's children and were made in the children's presence!

Demented · 09/01/2003 21:01

What concerned me about this programme is that it left me feeling more like Dee than Sonia!

I thought the best quote came from the awful Lance re Dee "I didn't know they made women so useless".

MalmoMum · 09/01/2003 21:35

I think that Lance and Mary are on about the same as eacj. He grounded Sonia's kids in a an umcomfortable way. He thought that is was a due discipline but I was left thinking it was prob done for a real reason when Sonia was about. He was just acting through a discipline he had little do with apart from wanting it there. (How would you regarded appropriate child behaviour before and after you have had and lived with chilldren?).

I was all together for disliking Dee but I did feel that she did have her points. I wonder why it was appropriate for Lance to break her non weed smoking rules whilst Sonia's ideas where given a chance.

I thought Sonia came across as a very wonderful, thinking person. I wonder what she is doing with Lance who seemed horrid and to get off on the I'm beter then you are thing

AngieL · 14/01/2003 13:11

Don't forget to watch this tonight.

Philippat · 14/01/2003 13:59

Sobernow, daren't let my dh near mumsnet now just in case he takes you up on your offer (I've convinced him the amount he does in the house is normal..)!

Looking forward to tonight...

Tinker · 14/01/2003 22:25

I thought this was all quite sad tonight. Michelle just seemed to lose her bottle about the life she could have had. I can see that she was a bit (!) of a control freak in her own home and was complicit in Barry's behaviour but it was hard to see why exactly. Her parents seemed ok and on her side (though a bit too regular with the visiting, for my liking!!!) I think she just saw herself still as the plain one she might have been at school and was just grateful someone 'fancied' her. And then turned on her rival!!! Would have been interested to know if her previous relationship had been s. Well, not THAT interested, it is only a piece of entertainmnent after all but, you know whta I mean.

OP posts:
ks · 14/01/2003 22:30

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emsiewill · 14/01/2003 22:38

She was a bit of a stereotype, that Michelle, and what a foul mouth! I really cannot understand why anyone would want to live like someone else's slave. She must have been in a seriously bad relationship before. Nice that her son joined the drama group, though.

jessi · 14/01/2003 22:38

Can I just clarify, did that guy who was up at 6am not have a job? Did she have to get up at that hour just to make his porridge before he went to the gym?? Gobsmacked tonight, truly two total extremes. Thing I liked about last weeks was that after Week 1, the wives then ran the house the way they wanted to. This week I didn't see that happen which I thought was a shame. I was dying for pink shoes drama teacher to tell porridge pukehead where to shove his cheese and onion pie. What a laugh!

WideWebWitch · 14/01/2003 22:41

I found this fascinating too. Agree about Michelle - at first she seemed to be thinking "hang on a minute, what AM I doing, being a slave for this lazy man" but then all he had to say was 'I love you and I miss you' (both under duress though) and she melted! Low self esteem or what? I thought Carol didn't give him nearly enough of a hard time. I missed the beginning: did he have a job or was he a gambler? And he'd NEVER made her a cup of tea in 15 years!! She obviously just set herself up to being his slave though and then I think was too proud to admit that Carol had life a lot easier. I was amazed that Carol kept her temper at the end when Michelle turned on her. Looking forward to next week when a SAHM of 6 swaps with a full time working mother of one! See you here?

WideWebWitch · 14/01/2003 22:43

She was a useless cook though - 3 HOURS to make a cheese and onion pie! Made me laugh. I'd have told him where to shove it too.

emsiewill · 14/01/2003 22:48

Yes, next week's looks really juicy.